a phone call, that phone call.

oh, dear. severe abandonment of the blog.
XX

have you ever felt rapid heart beat when making a phone call because this is the first time you attempted the call? and because the person behind that phone makes your heart pulsate at 101 times per minute?

i have.

and after dialing 33 numbers, the long pause on the phone before it starts ringing, makes the anxiety peak. and when it starts to ring, the mind lose its control due to nervous breakdown, the mind runs wild, trying to make up itself, what to utter after 'hello'. and in every, "tuuuut tut...tuuuut tut" the hearts beats with its rhythmic sound. high and low.

probably many have experienced that krazy gushing feeling.

but how you ever felt the sheer dissapointment when after a long awaiting of the ringing, the one that answers the call is nobody but the voicemail. again. and again. 3 buckets of water into a tiny fire of bravery. all that was left was ashes of discouragement. all the anxiousness, nervousness, excitement drained out in a vertical plummet.

probably beginner's luck failed. allocating a second surge of encouragement and bravery to pick up the phone and dial a string of 33 numbers. resulted in nothing but an endless ringing tone. never been picked up. no voice. no life. no hope.

that is when emotions unleash themselves without control.

and probably third is the final attempt. guess what, there was the voice. there was the life, there was the hope. but the voice the life the hope, could not hear the voice on this line. how many hellos does it take to finally tell you that, "1 time or 10 times, if it can't hear, it can't hear, quit being a parrot"? well, i guess, 4? hear and not be heard. thats the best it can only go.

this phone call..

smat jatra, gu.

do you remember how back in Convent Kota, on those blue Mondays assemblies, when the guru besar would be giving her speech, or when during those after-recess lectures or even in-class soul-searching-aimlessly sessions, the teachers would stress and stress time and time again, that, "ada di kalangan kamu yang sangat sombong. bila berjalan lalu dengan cikgu, jalan saja, tak pun berhenti untuk ucap cikgu, 'selamat sejahtera'. lain kali, kalau lalu depan cikgu, ucaplah selamat sejahtera.."

such great emphasis had had psychological effect on us. constantly trying to prove those teachers and their statements wrong, we would ucap. in the long corridor of Convent Kota, as soon as we see a vague image of a walking teacher, or a shadow of an approaching teacher, or when we hear the creepy footsteps of a teacher getting louder and louder, we would automatically put on wide smile eyes open wide and cute and tongue all set in the position to utter, 'se...'.

so much so that the culture is so deeply engraved in us that, although we do not want to ucap, but it comes out uncontrollably. the smile, the cute wide eyes and the selamat sejahtera, cikgu. dalam hati kata, 'malasnyerr nak bukak mulut.' tapi ekpsresi muka tetap senyum, tetap 'selamat pagi, cikgu.'

not only do we ucap every teacher we meet along the corridor, we give a lil cute bow. like those of japanese culture. what more can you ask from a bunch of young untamed pupils? a bow and a nod and ucapan? too good to be true.

when in menengah Convent, teachers never had problems with us Convent Kota because we are so [too] well-trained. but the ucapan has evolved. from 'selamat sejahtera cikgu', to 'smat jahtra gu' and a nod of the head, but eyes looking through the teacher.

as teenagers, we tend to not want to follow commands, whatmore to be asked to ucap cikgu bila bertemu di koridor sekolah. but see, we still do it, though may not be as precise as we used to do it in Convent Kota, but we still do it. it is like you cannot not urinate when shitting. thus, when our eyes spot a teacher, the mind automatically tells us to ucap, senyum, without consciousness.

but then you see, i believe that this is not a culture widely practiced in other schools, though to us, it seem like a common culture. we are indeed so obedient and i dare say that if we were asked and molded to ucap, smile, bow and end it with a curtsy, we would, until we are 17!

Pemandangan indah.

Jatuh
-lagu nyanyian Adam.

(dipapar di blog Jennifuck)

"Di manakah pemandangan terindah di dunia?
Puas ku cari setelah jauh melangkah
Hingga takdir menyuluh ke arah mu
Ku temu pemandangan itu terlakar di wajahmu

Dengan setiap renungan
Terpesona ku rasakan
Dengan setiap belaianmu hati makin tersentuh

Oh kasih, oh kasih
Ku berterima kasih
Padamu kerana menyempurnai hidupku

Dalam berjuta-jutaan lagu
Tiada satupun dapat menenteramkan kalbu
Melainkan bila kau menyebut
Ke telinga bahawa kau juga sayang padaku

Dengan setiap lafaz kata
Harapan makin menyinar
Untuk kita bersama membina hidup bahagia"

balasan saya:

Pandangan Mata Dia

pemandangan yang indah nun bahagia,

bersinar secerah cahaya,

berkilauan lalu memukau saya,

pemandangan itu pandangan mata dia.

jika dunia sudah saya terokai,

dari timur ke barat saya menjelajahi,

beribu-ribu manusia saya temui,

tetapi hanya pandangan mata dia saya ingati.

pandangan mata itu mengajar saya

erti bahagia,

pandangan mata itu sempurna;

tiada lain yang setanding dengannya.

pandangan dia berwarna perang,

tegas, manis dan sentiasa tenang,

memekarkan hati bila dikenang,

hingga lain kali saya didatangi peluang.

uncontrolled lust

i write i must
to fulfill my lust
my lust to find words that rhyme.
the writings i write
may not mean right
because its only for sight.
xx

everyday I sit and I stare,
as I swing against the summer breeze,
into the cloud and into the flare,
taking a moment to finally breathe.

thoughts make a mess,
into my head they ingress,
puzzling, confusing, as can be,
one thing is clear to me -
it is you I miss.

when winter nears,
and leaves disappear,
neither the cold nor wind,
could blow you off my mind.
its like you are here, tight and bind.

I know, I truly know,
I stand alone in the cold.
with nothing but a broken sock.
because I hold on to that thought,
only to never be missed back.

but here I am, higher and higher I swing,
deeper and deeper I fall in esthetic,
the blank spiral of self empathy,
trying not to be dramatic,
only trying to express this feeling.

Rindu

rindu ini tidak pernah padam,
selama saya bisa bernafas,
perasaan ini akan dipendam,
dalam hati tanpa batas.

rindu kian puncak,
pada tanggal saya bakal pergi,
didatangi halangan yang banyak,
perasaan pedih datang menemani.

dalam diam, saya bertanya,
adakah ini takdir tuhan?
haruskah saya terima
yang semua ini adalah pilihan?

waktu ke waktu,
dalam sabar, saya menunggu,
dalam sayu,
masih dipegang bunga matahari yang layu.

bila malam menjelang,
dibiarkan dalam kebingungan,
kesedihan bertakung,
air mata terbeku dalam keraguan.

rindu membawa senyuman manis,
kerana ia bukti belaian kasih,
seperti pemandangan riang dilukis,
pada kertas putih yang bersih.

tetapi merindu bukan sepenuhnya sempurna,
ada juga suka dan duka,
seperti di taman bunga yang berwarna-warni,
tetapi bunga penuh berduri-duri.

kisah rindu saya berakhir di sini,
pada pagi saya bertolak pergi,
hanya suara yang dapat didengari,
rindu yang terpaksa disimpan selama setahun lagi.

yang sebenar-benarnya adalah kebetulan,
tidak dapat ditolak, dielak,
mungkin ini satu ujian,
menjadikan pertemuan lebih istimewa kelak.

xx



(note to ezen: inilah hasil daripada perbualan kita.)

i write no reason.

ATTACHMENT. is my problem. and when attachment is a problem, DETACHMENT makes it another problem.

"The moment you get too attached to things, people, money... you screw it up."

"The challenge of life is to appreaciate everything and attach yourself to nothing."

Andrew Matthews, "Happiness in a Nutshell". page 10.

i don't know to what extend do i agree with Matthews, the happiness expert, on the first quote. but i have to agree that it is indeed a challenge to not attach myself to things/people.

though, i guess Mattews quote applies generally on people, tending to screw up something they are overly attached to. but i think that a great attachment would instead screw you up when even the slightest change takes place. and with that said, accustoming to a certain change and to have acceptance of that change makes another challenge.

and to have acceptance to change is to have openess for new things.

and all are actually impossibilities. i am no James Bond, nor Tom Cruise.

does no attachment make you appreciate things as much as attachment, or less or more? what are the indication of no attachment?

is attachment being able to let go of things just by a snap of a finger? because that is what i cannot do. letting go of things/people/past with a snap of a finger. or in fact a thousand snaps of a finger.

no attachment is suppose to bring more happiness. i say that is myth. because in every false there could be truth.

so what the hell. what did i accomplish in this post? nothing but a self-satisfying logical falacy.

i want to not feel the dilemma of attachment but not willing to accept no attachment.

uncensored and uncut, uneditted.

suatu hari di kelas 5Sc1, dalam tahun 2007.

hari yang cerah. sudah kian mendekati loceng tamat sekolah. guru-guru sibuk dengan agenda sendiri - mesyuarat dan mesyuarat lagi. anak-anak murid tidak terduduk diam, di mana ada kerusi, di situ tiada punggung. dan kelas hari ini kehilangan seorang yang penting...

semua ini membawa kepada hasil contengan di papan putih. berikut adalah apa yang tercatat:

xxx

Dialog hari ini...

orange: eh, kenapa masubing tiada di kelas hari ini?

blue: kawan karib saya masih x putus asa untuk lulus dalam lesen tu. tapi saya masih ragu2.

orange: awak ada mendoakan kejayaannya dalam mencipta rekod 4 kali fail tak?

red: saya x seburuk orange. saya berdoa agar dia lulus juga suatu hari nanti. agaknya, berapa % kegagalan pada kali ini?

orange: maths saya memang tak baik tapi dengan maths-yg-bodoh brains, saya dapat calculate yg % kegagalan > % kelulusan. btw, red, ya la, awak doa kat tuhan apa? tiada tuhan yang boleh menolongnya. dan tiada tuhan yang boleh mengampun kebodohan memandunya.

blue: saya setuju dengan orange. saya bangga dengan pencapaian kegagalannya setakat ini, tapi saya yakin dia akan gagal lagi. jadi saya lebih bangga. red doakan apa?

red: saya doakan supaya esok masubing datang ke sekolah dengan senyuman.

green: teruknya. tapi saya suka dan saya rasa punca kegagalan masubing kerana dia suka sambil TB sambil pandu kereta.

orange: haha...anda pembaca semua tahu apa itu TB? kalau tak tahu tidak mengapa. tetapi salah satu faktor besarnya, masubing suka akan tabiat itu...jadi blue, anda sebagai kawan karibnya tolonglah masubing buang tabiat TBnya yang buruk itu.

blue: ala, orange. biarkanlah dia dengan tabiat TBnya itu. saya tak mahu mengubah dirinya yang sebenar.

orange: tukar bagi kebaikannya. untuk pass ujian memandu je. selepas itu, biarkanlah dia TB. saya suka bila dia TB, saya akan dapat tengok dan gelak.

xxx
copyright reserved.

segalanya yang telah dikonversi telah disokong oleh para rakan, dengan kehadiran tanda-tanda tangan yang ternampak di gambar.

kejadian itu juga telah mengambil tempat 56 hari sebelum percubaan SPM '07. jadi bolehlah anda sekalian membayangkan keriuh-rendahan yang mampu berlaku.

sehabis itu, muncullah si dia yang hilang dari kelas. kami memandang antara satu sama lain, diam, terpegun menanti berita dari si dia. sementara si penakut sedang sibuk memadam papan. diam di luar, tetapi saya tahu, dalam lubuk hati setiap orang di kelas ada terfikir tentang catatan di atas papan tadi..

dan beritanya........................................................................

Snow Patrol.

two days and i can still feel the every beat of my heart pulsating to the beat of the drums. the electrical vibe with every plug of the guitar. and the deafening good music booming against the eardrum.

small stage, front line.

but alone.

did not bothered taking a camera along, as i planned to just enjoy the show. had other people to do the job. the above video, titled, "The Lightning Strike" from their A Hundred Million Suns album.

Gary Lightbody, the lead vocalist, thanked Austin, TX for coming out that evening instead of Houston, TX. bum. but he made it up with back to back incredible songs, "Make This Go On Forever" and "Run", while apologizing. followed by "Chasing Cars". he then got the crowd participating in "Shut Your Eyes".

check out "make this go on forever snow patrol" video in the related link to see Lightbody in his act. and how he called himself a dickhead.

The Plain White Ts were their opening act. they were pretty good, just that i did not know any of their songs, except "Hey There Delilah" and "1234" which were both performed. But "Sunlight" was the best.

it was tiring. had to stand from 630-7 for the doors to open. 7-8 for the show to start. and 8-1030 for the show to finally end. standing was not the major tiring part, it was waiting alone that was tiring.

at the back of me i had two indian girls verbal fighting with a white boy over the word, 'genitalia' and in front of me i had two women kissing everytime their favourite songs were playing.

check out the videos. but of course, the videos uphold no justice for the actual performance.

so people, if Snow Patrol come crusing in the town near to you, do not miss them.

a sudden urge to rhyme.

Pelangi cantik berwarna-warni,
di belakangi langit dan awan berkelihatan mati.
walau di luar semuanya nampak berseri,
tapi pandangan matamu ternyata ada perit di hati.

siapa saya untuk menasihati,
apakah daya saya untuk mengubati?
yang pasti,
saya akan sentiasa berada di sisi.

Dalam berjuta-juta kata,
hanya akan saya bertuturkan bahagia.
hati tidak pernah terlupa,
kepada beliau yang membawa citra.

tangan yang memegang bunga matahari,
mungkin tidak akan abadi,
ingatannya mungkin setakat begini,
tetapi saya bersyukur dengan segala yang pernah saya miliki.

kesempurnaan yang hadir tanpa disedari,
terduduknya di atas kerusi,
hari demi hari,
menjadi lain erti.

Lautan bergelora nun biru,
destinasi kini menjadi bisu,
terjauh pandangan bertukar rindu,
fikiran sentiasa bercelaru.

Tidak terbaca situasi selepas bertahun-tahun,
moga masih wujud walaupun sudah berkurun-kurun.

Ini anugerah teristimewa,
dengan ia saya dilemas bahagia.

xx

mungkinhariinikubukansaya

kekadang hidup penuh susah, saya hendak melepaskannya. ada masa ia begitu cantik, saya menggenggamnya dengan ketat sekali. hari mungkin tidak harus sentiasa cerah, kerana kelamaan, cerah tidak menjadi makna lagi, oleh itu, kegelapan harus diterima juga. seringkali, tiada kata yang mampu memperbaiki satu-satu kesakitan, satu-satu kesedihan, satu-satu kehilangan, hanya simpati bersama bahu dan telinga menjadi resipi yang paling sesuai. mencuba untuk memahami, untuk bertoleransi. saya amat berpuas hati, berkontensi dan bersyukur dengan segalanya yang saya sudah miliki, yang sudah saya mampu miliki. walaupun sedikit tetapi tetap ada, tetap wujud. semua yang saya lalui ini tidak ternilai keistimewaannya. peluang yang saya telah dikurniakan akan tetap dihargai sampai ke hujung hayat. kalau semua ini mampu berlangsung untuk selama-lamanya, akan saya sentiasa di situ untuk merasanya, tanpa ada ragu. tetapi kalau semua ini akan berhenti, saya juga tetap akan menerimanya dengan hati berbunga matahari. kerana semua benda tidak ada abadi. walaupun rindu sentiasa datan bersama derita. tetapi derita bersama rindu memberi peluang kita memberi kasih dan menerima sayang. hidup tidak boleh walau bagaimanapun menjadi sempurna di atas kemahuan kita. tetapi itulah cubaan yang kita perlu tempuhi. umpama kalau tiada malam, tiada akan ada pagi. waktu tidak dapat dipatah balik, jadi, jangan sesekali menyesali langkah kita. menghargai setiap saat yang ada. setiap kata yang boleh ditutur kepadanya. tarikh luput masing-masing adalah tidak berbau.

Charlie Chaplin - Modern times part 1/9

Charlie Chap Chaplin.
have a good laugh, because it's farrrrrrny alright.

Salam Lebaran & Salam Aidilfitri.

kepada semua warga Malaysia,

di sekitar dunia.

"the price of pleasure."

not shopping.

but pornography.

yesterday, after english class, i was ready to go home. nap..lunch..sun... . as i was passing the Eagle Hall, my steps came to a hault - human traffic jam. i looked throught the crowd and on the wide screen, plastered against the wall of the hall, it said, "The Price of Pleasure: pornography, sexuality and relationships." ah, no wonder. so, i decided to join the crowd. signed in. took my seat and anticipated. it was full house.

what was, was a professor in journalism from University of Texas, Dr. Robert Jensen, was invited to the school for a showing of a film (more like documentary to me) titled, "The Price of Pleasure". yah. Dr. Jensen has been studying on the issue of pornography in the american culture of the past 20 years and he had also consulted in the making of the film. he also wrote a book on pornography.

before the filming of the documentary, Dr. Jensen adviced that there would be explicits scenes in the documentary. he also mentioned that images that would be shown maybe hard to swallow by some - because many people in the hall may never have seen pornography. i thought he said that with some sarcasm, but i may be wrong. because he then followed to share that according to his close study, 99.9% of men in america watches/watched pornos or sexual materials of somekind. i was shocked, that is a serious number.

but anyway, i thought, what the hell, it cannot be that bad, that explicit so make me sick. though mind you, i have never exposed my eyes to any of such material. it is that i very rarely can be made sick.

if i were to tell what i see throughout the 52 minutes of filming, i would fail badly. but i would share some shocking facts i've learned and disturbing images i saw. but mind what i am about to write...

• so, did you know that pornography is a 10-14 billion dollars industry? it is more than the NFL, NBA and MLB put together. (american Football, Basketball and Baseball respectively. the three biggest-most popular sport in america).
• the most popular pornography is violence. and the two most popular violent act in pornography are choking and gagging. do you know how gagging occurs? yes, when doing orally, the penis would stick so deep down the throat of the woman that it would trigger gagging. and that is how the men achieve pleasure. choking the woman while intercourse was suppose to be very arrousing.
• there is award shows for porn stars. prestigous award ceremony. i don't want to know what category they have and i am glad the film did not tell. "25 years ago, we were in the cheapest hotel in Las Vegas, and after 25 years, and where are we? - in the most expensive hotel in Las Vegas."
• a porn star was telling about her market prices. there are girl-to-girl scenes, man-to-her scenes and mEn-to-her scenes all at different price. the max is one in the mouth, one in the vagina and two in the anal (or maybe three) = $13,000.
• ATM. not Automatic Teller Machine. it is Anal To Mouth. i chose not to describe but do your math. "you are practically eating shit."
• every year, there are about 100,000 women auditioning to land a role in the pornography scene.
• 'A-list' porn stars earns millions just by selling sex toys of their duplicate body parts.
• Harvard and University of Chicago have their own porn magazine.
• there are granny pornos and also pregnant women pornos. child animated pornos.
• ...

above are all i hope i remember. images were super, extremely, entirely, absolutely, disturbing, sickening. though blurred. one was a man and a woman scened in the toilet, the woman leaning againt the toilet bowl. and [probably] when the man was at his peak of orgy, he pushed the head of the woman into the bowl - into the water and then flushed. scenes of women gagging and one scene of how women are made to gag were the worst.

i definately did not anticipated all that. i was at the egde. i could feel last night's fried rice up to my throat. i had to look away.it is just no joke. and it was mentioned during the disccussion with the professor that the film was only the tip of the iceberg. i cannot imagine neither would i want to know what lies beneath the water?

i am sorry if i might have made you feel like how i felt. if i had that power. but i had to let it out my chest.

the world is so sick.

SUE ME!

ME AGAINST THE STATE.

sociology

so for this semester in college, i took sociology, introduction to sociology - study of human behaviours and beyond. though i only attended 4 classes, but the moment i flipped through the text book, i knew i was gonna like the subject/class. and very fortunately, i guess i did not pick the wrong professor. the vital essence of my interest.

anyhooo, i wanted to share the basic 3 perspectives in sociology. i find them very interesting, as they are things that only people so free are able to sit down and think, and come up with such perspectives. well, ya, there are people like that, if not, there would not be a sociology to even begin with. and bla bla bla..

the first is, Functionalist.
- in the theory/perspective of functionalist, is that everything in the society has a function. EVERYTHING. for example, crime, which we all know is bad, but in the perspective of a functionalist, its something benefitting to the society, because it then provides jobs for police, or for security companies, whatever. terrorism, for that matter, helps control population, diseases to helps control population, creates job for doctors, scienstist,... nothing is just bad for the society. meaning, anything that benefits even the smallest group in society, then it is good, it is functional.
- everything in society is interdependant. for example;

..school <--> restaurant <--> hospital <--> airport...

there has to be school to create doctors for the hospital, there has to be restaurant to make food poisoning to have people going to the hospital and airport for better education and it goes on..

- society is always at equilibrium, and if something out of the norm happens, society will be disequlibriumed and then come back to stability, will acquire to the situation and then achieve equilibrium.

-----equilibrium-----~~~disequilibrium~~~-----back to stability----

- functionalist also believe in manifest function which is open and obvious. and product of manifest function is latent function.

eg. we all pay for college to get education (manifest,obvious) and because we go to college, we met the love of our life (latent).

the second is, Conflict.

- believes that humans are full of tension, always in a struggle and society is full of competition.

- wealth, power, prestige - are what society strives for. don't think big, even the most innocent and simple idea of pursuing education, is a way of striving for power/wealth/prestige.

conflict is pretty much self-explanatory.

the third is, Symbolic Interactions.

- symbols.

one word. symbolic interaction meaning society is all about judging one another by symbols. the shoes you where, the way you walk, the way you stride, your jimmy not choo's, your wheels and ya...symbols. very subjective and based on own interpretations.

the 3 perspectives are very different in their own way. like a venn diagram, the over-lapping sections - there are also similarities.

so i ask, what do you think? what do you think society is mainly comprise of? why?

i am a believer of conflict. definately. people never stop struggling, from day one of birth till the last breath, will then you put a full stop to suffering. everything revolves around struggle and suffer. to be in constant tension and competitive mode, is a form of struggle. to always greed for more wealth and good things even though you already own too much is a sruggle because the thought of wanting more, of trying to get more...kills you. you might disagree, but i think it is the truth and it is the reality, no matter how not you think you are not, you are suffering. you are competing in someway, you are... .

look around.

MERDEKA!

Salam Berbanyak Merdeka, kepada Para Warga Malaysia Dan Negaraku, Malaysia.

Tanggal 31, Bulan 8, 57, Hari Yang Mulia, Hari Bahagia, Sambut Dengan Jiwa Yang Merdeka.

Hari Ini, Tanggal 31, Bulan 8, 09, Ulang Tahun Kemerdekaan Negara Malaysia Yang Ke-52. Sudahpun Kita Semau Sebagai Warga Malaysia, Tinggal Bersatu Bersama-sama Selama 52 Tahun. Dan Untuk Kali Yang Ke-52, Marilah Kita Bersama-sama Melaung MERDEKA! Merdeka! Merdeka! Dalam Nada Yang Paling Patriotik Dan Bersyukur Atas Keamanan Negara Kita.

Seperti Kata Seorang Cikgu, Kemerdekaan Bukan Hanya Saja Disambut Tetapi Ia Patut Dihayati.

Benar Sungguh. Dan Untuk Saya, Akan Saya Hayati Kemesraan Antara Satu Kaum Dengan Kaum Yang Lain Di Negara Ini. Sebagaimana Isu negatif Kaum Ditekankan Dalam Media, Tetapi Pada Hatiku, Dan Pada Mataku, Dan Dalam Duniaku, Perkauman Adalah Satu Harta Negara Ini Yang Tidak Harus Dimusnahkan.

Hayatilah Juga Lagu Ini...

xxx

in a big picture, we may be divided and ruled, but in a small picture, i see every face with a smile, be it what you are and where you come from. we are Malaysians.

happy 52th independence day, Malaysia.

xxx

SAYA ANAK MALAYSIA.

#2

i was back, living Ekspidisi Bahagia 64 days and 63 nights. i will give or take about 15 nights that was spent away from Taiping, leaving 48 nights in Taiping. and for every 48 nights, i dare say, there is absolutely no one night that i spent at home, slumped on the couch, watching tevee.

in that 48 nights, quite possibly 28 nights were spent in none other than, Siang Malam. Siang Malam is one place like no other. the ambience and the experience of Siang Malam, you can get no where. sitting just an inch away from the traffic by the road side while sipping to a cup of kopi-o-peng and enjoying a plate or more of mouth-watering char kuey teow and chee cheong fan. sipping to a cup of kopi-o-peng whilst talking about what happened during the day, catching up on the town's hottest gossip, hear conversation from the next table, and of course, talking about kebahagiaan.

spending so much time in Siang Malam, i could not help but make friends with my kopi-o-peng maker. the stall in between the chee cheong fan and the wantanmee-currymee-kueyteowteng-and-more stall. that stall is run by herself and her mother and on weekends, her father comes to help. the father - the botak man. anyway, i do not mean to be rude, neither offensive but this kopi-o-peng maker, speaks like as if her nose is pinched real tight (is there a word to describe this?), therefore, sometimes its really difficult to understand her. or like how i call it in hokkien, ee-oo.

one night, Cheah came to overnight at my house, which is unchaperoned. so we got to spend our night talking until late into the night or wee hours in the morning, whichever. until the stall was all prepared for close. that night, the k-o-p maker came to talk to us, and that was how the ice crumble. well, usually i would go to Siang Malam with Ezen, but that night, Ezen was already back in Perth, so the kop-maker came to ask what happen to the other friend? and this was how it went :

kop-maker : lu kho chi khiok 'eng 'eui leh? (lu ko chi kiok peng eui leh?)
me : oh, ee ki tak cek liau.
kop-maker : o. ee hi 'ak ek eiau. hi ho lok 'ek 'ek? (oh. ee ki tak cek liau. ki toh lok tak cek?)
me : oh ciu.
kop-maker : o. poi eiau la? (oh. poi liau la?)
me : ah. si lo.
kop-maker : lu 'ang eh? bo 'ak 'ek meh? (lu lang leh? bo tak cek meh?)
me : uu. ah boi gok.
cheah : uu. tapi uu koh leh H1N1, so oh teng kam chi leh pai.
kop-maker : o. o. beh 'uai la, eh 'eh kah ane ua. lu toh lo 'ak 'ek? ek-el? (oh. oh. beh kaui la eh ceh kah ane ua. lu toh lok tak cek? kl?)
me : ...
cheah : ee mun ai poi liau. ee poi ki bi kok eh.
kop-maker : o. lu mun poei eh. lu eh? (oh. lu mun poi eh. lu leh?)
cheah : keat tah tak eh. wa bo poi.

so la dee do. XX

that was somewhat how the conversation went. after knowing the thin surface of us, we had to melt the ice, not only break it. this was how i got to know her name :

kop-maker : lu 'in nia eppy eh 'o? (lu chin nia happy eh ho?)
me : chu mi leh?
kop-maker : 'ua lu e-e cio eh. (kua lu ti ti cio eh.)
me : (smiles) so meh ni wa lai lu koh eh eh ki wa bo eh?
kop-maker : eeeh. eh la. lu emia ah mi? (eeeh. eh la. lu mia ha mi?)
me : err. ejane.
kop-maker : aieeoo. ah mo emia wa emeh 'io 'ong. (aiyo. ah moh mia wa beh hiao kong.)
me : oh. er, ee chen la. ee chen. lu..lu mia ha mi leh?
kop-maker : wa mia ami a? wa mia a oon o. (wa mia hami ah? wa mia ah hoon lo.)
me : oh. ah hoon a. so lu ai wa kio lu ah hoon ceh ceh asi ah ee asi aunty?
kop-maker : 'ien eh la. 'eo a oon 'ia 'ah chin ma. (mien eh la. kio ah hoon nia kah chin ma.)

thus, we knew each other's name. notice that in the two above conversations, after every sentence of kop-maker, there is a bracketted of the exact meaning but just clearer pronouciation, because in real, the unbracketted version is how she speaks. that was how she spoke to us. and by talking to her, i've learned the trait of laughing off something after i have no idea what she just said.

other then a new found friend, there was another funny/scary encounter at Siang Malam with Cheah, and also Jennifer. it was one real fine night with big appetite. and usually we sit out at the table closest to the road but leaving the chair closest to the road empty and we would occupy the other three, so no one's back would face on coming cars. and on this night, we decided to eat our hearts out. and sure enough we did...we had all our drinks on the side of the empty seat so we had space for our food. then one homeless junk (pretty well about town, you might notice a middle-aged man, who walks like robot) came real close to us and then walked away. i was stunned a bit. and i thought he was just gonna sit his ass on that chair.

after a few moments later.................

YES. just as i thought my thought would not only remain a thought my thought did not remain as a thought.

that homeless junk came by again and sat. took out his hand. grap on Jennifer's drink. took it near his mouth. had the straw in his mouth. and sucked on the melted ice and a hint of barley. yes. it was pure OMG. i tried to stay calm. at the same time not laugh that he hacked Jennifer's drink. i think we might had sat with him for a good 15 seconds. i looked at Cheah and she looked back. Jenn was probably looking at her drink. haha. we waved at the botak man for rescue, but to no avail.

on the 16th second, i got up and went to tell Ah Hoon, "err, uu lang ceh tua wa lang eh toh teng..err". she went and said to him, (in an altered version) "chau. ai chau mai chau. ah bo wa gia siou chui theng lu eh a". and became our heroin of that night.

in Siang Malam, we had fun. we laughed. and we spoke of kebahagiaan.

#1

i made friends with my friends, again. - that was how it felt meeting up and spending time with them.

i was lucky to have met up with many of my friends and learned many new things about them as well.

the very first person i met and suprised was none other then Mizen. when i dropped in at her house, she was busy babysitting and was bathing two big babies. i actually planned to suprise the second person i met but thanks to the first person i met, i could not carry out my suprise as planned. hence, instead of having Mizen drive me to Jennifer's house, we had to change plans and have Mizen call Jennifer and talk nonsense to her before i took over the phone. but i am happy all the same, ecstatic to be exact. and the fourth person i met was Cheah. then i stopped counting. boo.

and for my favourite friend, Beh, Mizen and i went to the bus station to fetch her from Penang. and we screamed her name, 'BEH SHUH PYNG...BEHHH SSSHUHHH PYNGGGGer..' ya, yet another quite successful attempt of cheap publicity by Mizen and Ejane. that was the first time i met with her. all eyes on us. then her.

and for Teoh, was the last friend i met on the week before my last week. but i was more than glad to be able to meet her. well, i have to say, thanks to H1N1, if not i would not have had that chance.

and back to what i mentioned, i've learned many new things about them; and these are a few;

Jennifer - she might potentially become Taiping's most unexpected gangsta. well-trained and well-prepared from St. George's Instituition. hell ya! i'd be your right-hand man.

Mizen - omg. i did not know that she eats like a pig. and faak that she is still that broom-stick. she probably eats 5 full meals in a day. she did not use to eat like that.

Beh - there is ONLY one thing i want to say. her old love : me. her new love : HANKY (i do not know his real name, but its pronouced like that.) it really is her new love but she is in such denial.

Ezen - masih segila dulu.

Cheah - kawan melayu di kiri kanan. dan hidup yang tertakdir di penjarakan di negeri Kedah.

Mei Chen - likes barbeque-ing.

Tee Xin - is not it obvious? she lost weight. definately.

Teoh - she still loves Malaysia. looks like i'd be celebrating Christmas alone. again.

Shafiq - pandai masak bihun goreng!

Joanne - she said she has fallen into an emo mode. but i don't notice.

and a lot more..

bunga matahari

semoga
bunga-bunga
matahari menceriakan

harimu.

BUNGA-BUNGA MATAHARI.

menyinarkan pudar di hati

memberi senyuman berseri

mengurangkan suka-duka di dunia ini.

live from Changi.

i cannot be any ever more ya tuhan as i am now.

i am now blogging live from Changi Airport in Singapore. it shows a smiley face on my watch, meaning its 2210 hours as of now. and i've been here since 1420 hours. well, i still have another 4 freaken hours to burn before i board my flight. part of me wants to be held in this time trap actually. because i do not want to reach my destination that soon. =(

Changi Airport deserves its complimence, because i am still surviving. its very kill-boredom friendly. it has many entertainment facilities. from big screen high-definition sports tv, to a small cinema, to music lounges, jamming studios, pc games and PS3 and Xbox (and bla bla bla bla) to mess with, and without charge. but then, being alone, nothing seems very attracting. and of course, abunudance of internet access. but it has its 15 minutes time limit and it automatically logs out. so you gotta log back in. and to prevent internet suckers like me to occupy the pc for hours, they do not provide chairs, so ya, my legs are pretty strong pillars.

there is a very lovely sunflower garden behind me, now. and what a coincident because i would like to officially annouce that sunflowers are my favourite flowers! so when you wear black and is sending me to heaven, bring sunflowers, i do not want kekwa.

i am at Changi Airport because i am not on holiday, anymore.

yesterday, there was a simple get-together with a few fellow friends who were really nice to come to spend their night with me. it was at the Gate! (dude,my favourite, after siangmalam.) and Jenn brought her guitar and Meichen brought her signature violin and we sang. i know, as if we own the place but why not? i might one day have share over that cafe. ;)

lastly, Ekspidisi Bahagia kali ini sudah pun berakhir. and i cannot wait to blog on this amazing and awesomus expedition.

salam hormat.

'berbakti kepada negara'.

i need to remember to breathe

in the many days that i am available for an emotion rollercoaster, it had to be today. it had to be this.

i admit that in all possible outcomes, i have never forseen this as the outcome. probably it is not the final one yet, but it is still enough to break my spirit by half. probably the situation as i know is not the situation in truth but will i ever know what is happening behind that wall, behind that telephone line.

i will depart this chance very soon and for this chance to come again would still be a long time coming. but it is not that i did not try. i tried. and this was probably the hardest i've ever tried.

i blame no one. maybe something went wrong along the way. the interseption of time, communication, character, technical and faith caused the failure of it all.

this is a feeling of your one saviour that turned to be your murderer. ouch.

give me light. give me guidance. give me bravery. give me direction. because i do not want to regret this.

make action. take action. do action. i do not want to lose this.

if this actually fails, its a heavy grievance that i would need to pack with me and be tagged along for months and months to come.

for the sun to shine again, you have to go through cloudy days. i guess.

Man Bai - Kau Ilhamku

beribu bintang di langit kini menghilang
meraba aku dalam kelam
rembulan mengambang kini makin suram
pudar ilhamku tanpa arah
sedetik wajahmu muncul dalam diam
ada kerdipan ada sinar
itukah bintang ataupun rembulan
terima kasih ku ucapkan

izinkan ku mencuri bayangan wajahmu
izinkan ku mencuri khayalan denganmu
maafkan lah
andaikan lagu ini menganggu ruangan hidupmu
kau senyumlah
sekadar memori kita di arena ini

kau ilhamku
kau ilhamku

izinkan ku mencuri bayangan wajahmu
izinkan ku mencuri khayalan denganmu
maafkan lah
andaikan lagu ini menganggu ruangan hidupmu
kau senyumlah
sekadar memori kita di arena ini

kau ilhamku
kau ilhamku

lagu ini lagu dendangan kegemaran pelajar di Convent. ada sahaja persembahan nyanyian lagu melayu, ada sahajalah lagu ini. dengan pastinya. tapi bosan tidak dikatakan bosan, mual tidak juga. tapi lagu ini tetap sedap didengar walaupun sentiasa dimainkan.

tetapi kini sudah kian lama meninggalkan pangkalan sekolah, lagu ini tetap menjadi kegemaran. dan apabila mendengarnya, tetap akan membawa saat-saat nostalgia.

awesomus is the new

the day of yesterday was all sunny blue skies and fluffy cotton candy clouds. no haze. it's been awhile since the sun has spread it's light so far down. but, to be able to enjoy laying our eyes on such beauty, and skipping under the sun merrily, there is a price to pay, which is a butter-melting heat. but the it is not a hefty price, it is a price i am willing to pay - anytime.

blue skies were as blue as the deep blue sea. clouds was so tempting. they made me want to jump on them and summersault like on a trempouline. oooo----weeeeee-----niceeeeee.wanttt.

and when the night falls, there was nothing more deserving then seeing clusters of stars, twinkling in the darkness. there were stars ev.ver.ry.where. its been a longgg time since i have seen so many stars looking back down at me.

and i realise, in times like that, there is only one gadget that is able to capture the moment, the image. that is our eyes. if only i could save this breathtaking sight to share with others, it would be so awesomus.

at the same time, the playground in the Lake Gardens just got their new fix of swings. if only i had someone to go to the swings with me on this night to enjoy the stars, there would not be any other night better than tonight.

and there were no one available to accompany me to the swing to sing because Ezen has left to go back to Down Under. all the best to her. and yes, 2 down, 1 more to go.....................me.

be this for now.

just because i wanted to update something..

firstly, my dear friend, Tan Mizen, has FINALLY moved her butt off and flown it to Perth, Australia. after many months and days of using time very generously on nothing, she is now in Perth for almost a week. on a mission to educate herself. and for her, i truly hope that her third time coming would be her charm. and that she will now own determination to carry on and also quick adaptation to foreign culture without stress and pressure. so if you are reading, high 5. lets do it!

though it was rather sad to see her leave, but i was maybe happier to see her finally doing something benefitial for herself for her future. time waits for no man.

i really do not have any secondly actually.

secondly, did you all Taiping residents, young and old, short and tall, plump and skinny, know of the existance of a pretty freak'in awesome ATV park, just right opposite of the Kamalodge - which is along the way to Taman Sentosa? still do not know where exactly - it is also along the way to Burmese pool. ok. (if you still do not know, i guess you do not belong in Taiping) it's small entrance, small signage and many trees surrounding the area makes it rather difficult to be spotted. it is called the, 'ATV - Adventure Park Larut'. so go give it a try, best time and weather to do so would be on drizzly afternoons. because a lil wet would make it a lil wilder. haha. but also be prepared for a rather costly price and for a hand-aching ride of fun. most importantly, be well prepared for temptations to be addicted to this expensive hobby. and later, be a fan on Facebook. (a photo of ezen and i is on facebook.)

the question isss

the answer is yes.

definately.

it is like you are the Sun and i am the Earth.

the Earth spins around the Sun.

everything revolves around the Sun.

no matter how far the Earth floats away in space, the Earth will end up in the orbit of the Sun because of it's great gravitational pull.

the Sun may be light years farway from the Earth, but the Earth still feels the warmth of the Sun and sees the light of the Sun.

everytime when the sunrises, the Earth smiles.

and when the sunsets, it gives the clouds on Earth a beautiful shade of orange, red, yellow, and purple; beautifully blended together.

the Earth cannot live without sunlight, scientifically proven. but apparently, Sun lives, with or without the Earth. but its fine.

on rainy days, cloudy days, and hazy days, little sunlight penetrates through but there is still light. there is still you.

without, my world, my Earth, would be a cold cold place.

lesser than more.

everyday has been a series of on-going events, though it may just be totally wasting time on trash talk and sipping on coffee, but then, is not wasting time just the perfect pass time?

i am now typing as i listen to Wimbeldon Radio on the final fifth set of the men's singles final. wimbeldon has come and gone, in just a blink of an eye. and the suprise finalist of Andy Roddick. i did not watch a single match on Wimbeldon because of two reasons, 1. because as all well may know, Rafael Nadal decided not to play due to his knee tentinitis and 2. no sports channel on astro. but since Nadal is not playing anyway, i had no reason to take the initiative to search for source to watch the tournament.
*ohh, its a tight final.*

aside from a busy week, it was also a dark week for me. because my phone died on me. it died. on me. my loyal phone for the past 3 years or so. it may be an old phone, but the sentimental value is as expensive as the latest phone around. i am not grining in happiness even for a little bit because i have never desired for a new one before. my phone was there for me when i was mad, when i wanted to share some happiness, when i needed to reach out to the world, when i needed something to smile about, i turn to my phone. but now its all gone. all my contacts are gone. i will continue to mourn.

Roddick did not win. final set of 16-14. Federer is now back to the no.1 position and he now surpasses Sampras's record in grand slam wins. and (oh my god) he is going to be a father in a few weeks.

we got to learn how to deal with our emotions and our reactions when things fail to go our way. it may be bitter but make your smile the sugar.

let there be an inner peace in you.

just now, without warning, Yan emo-ed with me. i was caught by suprise. she told me to make sure i enjoy myself to the maximum before i go back to where i came from. i told her i will.

i certainly will.

xx

i think i am vomiting emotions.

xx

today, another day. a day that took almost seven years to occur. but it was only almost.

xx

i think i need another vomit of emotions.

xx

thoughts, thoughts. they keep you sane, but sometimes murder you in silence. a vacuum that sucks the life outta you.

xx

it is difficult no matter what phase of life you are in. this just makes me hate life for you more than i already am for myself.

xx

no matter how well one keep one's poise, you never know what battle one goes through inside. i want to be the peacemaker of your battle.

xx

i still have chunks of emotions left after the vomit.

xx.

sometimes.

sometimes;
it's just not meant to be.
because, its just not.

sometimes;
helplessness is the only solution.
because, listening is all you can do.

sometimes;
you will not stop wondering.
because, its suprising.

sometimes;
words mean nothing.
because, the eyes speaks more.

today is different. i do not know if should paint my day red or grey. its this helplessness that kills. though it may not be anything at all, but it is knowing that someone out there is suffering, is letting you know, but yet letting be is the only way, because there is no other way out.

it's raining, and i think i am scared.

i do not mind, even a little bit, lending my small ears, in fact it is a pleasure of the highest order. but i do come to realise that my stand on "sorrows are to keep and happiness is to share" actually makes sense.

final verdict : grey.

so unreal.

i just found out that my very close friend, Jennifer has a blog but one that i did not know about. i took the time to read her blog just now, and her blog appear to be just so like her, prim and proper. calmly emotional.

anyway, my days have been great since the first day i came back. everyday is filled with so much laughter and action packed. there is just simply no words to describe how truly glad i am to be home.

meeting up with many friends is the ultimate dream. sometimes in the car, i would just stare out the window and see the night sky and wonder by myself, i am really living this dream, and i feel happy. after so long, i can now say that i feel so happy. so free from sadness and loneliness. seeing my friends again is so fulfilling. and being able to joke with them, to laugh with them and sometimes talk heart-to-heart are moments money and time cannot buy. i might sound very pathetic but you really do not know how much i yearned for days like these.

for the past two weeks, i managed to see quite a number of friends, visited a dear teacher, played netball, visited the school and to said hye to some few teachers and also visited many new places in Taiping. things have changed huh. especially the new round about, around a tree, in Lake Gardens which is so unnecessary and Convent is sooo snot yellow colour now. it was also really really oh-so-awesome to play netball again.

22nd is just around the corner too.

yessss.

people of my favourite land, i am B-A-C-K. finally.

that is all that is necessary to explain the very little to no activity on this blog. i do apologize to fellow regular visitors and also i do apologize for an unannouced arrival. but i was just so caught up with excitement i do not have any time to spare even for a little update. one is due to the extreme excitement, two, its due to a slight effect of jet-lag and three, seriously, online when in Taiping? i don't think so. there is just abundance of things to do. believe me. and lastly, i do not think its a big deal for others, though it is very super duper for me.

as well, few may know, i prefer to meet people unexpectedly. giving people a suprise, hye! i have been back for almost a week now. though i also apologize for not obeying to the unofficial law of 7days home quarentine, as the very first few hours upon my arrival, i have had romed many parts of Taiping. but rest assure, i am well and fine. so blame not me.

party like a rock star --->

few Sundays ago...

my sister finally graduated.

Eelyn Ooi; megna cum-laude.

my equally dysfunctional sister. =)

CONGRATULATIONS.
and i still owe her a graduation gift.

another dramatic attack...

today is one of the very rare days that kept me speechless, froze my steps, stunned me naked. it is indeed the day in history, the day...

Rafael Nadal, the four year reigning champion in the clay grounds of Roland Garros in Paris, had lost his very first match, ever, since his first appearance in the grand slam event, to an unexpected opponent, Robin Soderling.

it spells nothing but sheer devastation, shocking, disbelief.

Nadal was chasing history to be the only man, in the open era, to win the Roland Garros five times, consecutively. Nadal was the champion in Roland Garros for the past four years, only leveling the record of Bjorn Borg. do not be mistaken, eventhough only leveling Borg, it is definately still an amazing feat performed by Nadal. Nadal's record on Roland Garros was 31-1. a record breaking of 31 consecutive wins until that very one match he lost to Soderling this afternoon.

Nadal, was never pushed to the fifth set by any player on Roland Garros. and in 2008, he won the slam without dropping a set and came out firing in the final, destroying Federer who only managed to win 4 games out of the whole match.

on the ATP website, it says that the king of clay had been dethroned but i say otherwise. it does not take just a match to dethrone a king, this just was not his day, not his game. and coming in to Roland Garros, Nadal won 4 out of 5 titles on clay.

on the press conference, Nadal mentioned that he will not make any excuses on the windy condition and that his loss was entirely his fault, playing short on the balls, allowing Soderling to attack, and surely also acknowledging Soderling had played well too. to add to the suprise cum davastating factor, Nadal, in the ATP tour in Rome, bashed Soderling 6-1, 6-0 in the round of 16.

i thought Nadal would write history like writing ABC but guess not this time. Nadal is only a human, another player (but a very good one) and sometimes even the best loses. (excuse me but i am seriously trying to make myself feel better.)

i may be mean, but i hope Federer's name will not be engraved below Nadal's. neither do i want Murray. anybody else. but Federer. but Nadal told the press that he would favor Federer winning the title as he would like to see him winning and if anyone, Federer is the most deserving one to win the title. but no, i still do not want Federer to hold the trophy.

"I must accept my defeats with the calm that I accept my victories."
-Rafael Nadal.

dombab.

do not judge me just because i scratch my ass before i scratch my tongue.

xx

oh no. lately, i have been pretty hooked on watching basketball. but then rest asure i will never be playing the game. but blame me not, but basketball is all there is to watch. (just so you know, this is because i vow to be loyal to netball. yes. i am a lil fanatic. or a lot.)

ooo. just a reminder for tennis fans, Roland Garros is starting soooon. by the way, did youl know that Novak "the-self-declared-greatest-player" Djokovic dropped to the 4th rank player now and Andy Murray has taken over the 3rd position. i was suprised that it did not make headlines all over the world. hah. though i log in to the ATP official website very often but still did not know about it until a few weeks after he dropped in the rankings.

yesterday, Convent's netball team won their first round premier game match against TMGS, 19-13. the next game would be after the school holidays on home ground against Holly Methodist school. if you feel generous for some support, keep posted for the exact date here.

excuse me.

anger and the ability to be patient with one has limit. and when it goes beyond the limit, it means enough, you should serious stop.

if i were to be given a chance to slap someone in the face anonymously, it would be you. there is no one else that had ever angered me more than you. if i do not know you, it would already have been done. if my eyes could burn, i would have baked you brains everytime i lay my eyes on you and your mouth that say words that mean nothing to me.

you may be you, you may have the authority over me, you may be wiser than me, but i am not just someone that you can just pour your frustration at.

i can be all the stupids in the world that i am but i do not need you to make me feel so much more better with you pointing out how stupid i am.

people like you needs to take therapy.

people like you need a huge mirror to see yourself and how disgusting you look. what a smart alec you think you are. oh wait, maybe a mirror is not enough, maybe you need a X-ray machine to see yourself internally, how full of trash you are.

people like you needs to know that sometimes, its fucking ok to shut your smart trap. yes, its ok. people will still think you are smart, don't worry, even with your trap shut.

whenever you have more people that is against you then for you, that does not mean that you are discovering more stupid people. it means that the problem is with you and not everybody. probably and most highly likely is you are the shallow one.

most of all, don't judge me like you know me. because really, you don't. neither do i know you. no wonder your words are so foreign to me.

ya, maybe i should continue my good job on play pretending. i am beginning to be so good at this game. but i am also coming to become so sick of playing it everyday, day and night.

i might only write this because i need an output to my anger but believe me, there are some truths and plenty of honesty above. its lethal, yes, but you are pushing me this way.

the death of Prison Break.

Jane is putting on a frowned face while typing.

Jane, Jane had just finish watching the two-hour finale of Prison Break, season 5. but wait, be informed that this is also the finale of the entire Prison Break show. for good.

the end was classic, awing and not at all cliche. but Jane still find it hard to believe that it ended that way.

Jane now sits in front of the laptop, feeling, 'wow, after years of watching the show, episodes after episodes, its now the end, and that was how it ended...'

Jane wants to tell. but Jane wants to keep those Prison Break fans and watchers their moments to enjoy the final finale. those in Malaysia following on 8tv might still take forever and those who downloads, please be prepared. you will be moved by how it ended.

i know, Jane is being so melodrama right now, but it is necessary.

shake me awake.

on the other hand, i am glad it ended. it is the right time to actually end because if the show were to go on, it would become just to ridiculous and by ending it now, it still keeps the element of suspence that made the show so good.

i rate five stars to the creativity and sentiment of the show.

3 cheers for Prison Break, the handsome casts and all the many years entertaining me.

hiphiphurray hiphiphurray HIPHIPHURRAY!

titisan

tidak mengapa jika bungga ungu ini kian layu,

kerana engkaulah ceritanya.

semuanya di bawah tapak kakimu,

kerana engkaulah bahagia.

walau habis terang,

walau tak ada yang abadi,

walau kasih semakin mendung,

kau tetap mengindahkan kisah diri ini,

ku tetap tersenyum sendiri. xx

axe the 13th.

it has been a looong looong way loong loong time, ain't it? yes, certainly. most definately.

May 14th. is another day.

May 13th was yesterday which marked a year since the day i left. well, its nothing. i am just trying to mark my imaginary calender.

X marks the possible.


every eyes sees a different perspective. no eyes knows what the other eyes sees.
we all fill in the space of different shoes. some so warn out, some still make squeeky sound against shinny floors.
soak it up. yell nothing.

all up-into-people's-butthole

Fear is black,
It sounds like the wind blowing in the dark,
It smells like fresh blood on a knife,
It tastes like lemonade with no ice,
It looks like a shadow with no head,
Fear is when I am alive and everyone is dead. xx

- i told my brada. xx


i fail to be serious. i took sometime to think about something significant and decent post that i can write to share but no, every file i search in every corner of my head, i cannot find even a tad seriousness. even if there is, when it is delievered through my fingers, it naturally unserious itself. so what the hell, fuck seriousness - until i find one.

thus, while searching through files of seriousness, i found a funny story to share. no i mean, funny story.

so as many well know, i am a coffee slave. no, it has got nothing to do with me enslaved to coffee but it merely means i work. and work here means, i meet with people from all walks of live everyday, too many to describe. but there is one particular regular customer which i wanna talk about. haha. if you are anticipating a nasty customer whom i might hate, no, its too common to share and if you are anticipating for a customer who might have done something personally to me, no too. this customer, i do not know anything nor said anything to him before, except for that i remember his face. and i remember his face is also because of... ... ...the story that i will be sharing.

one fine day, i was making drinks, dilligently. but my attention span did not last very long, and as i was still making drinks, i looked around, around the many customers who were sitting around the lobby. and then, there, just on the perfect position of my limited view, i see, an anene (yes again, gee, whats the deal with anenes lately?) man and a white girl, talking very intimately, over a small rounded table beside the glass window where the morning sun was just beginning to shine in. i was thinking oh, well, what the hell, just two people in deepest of love talking about how deep their love is. i cannot careless. and continue to try to make my drinks dilligently.

but then out of the blue, drama unfolds...as the talking got more intense, the lust heightened. and then they got into a lip to lip peck. and then they both started smooching for a good 10 seconds. and then again. and again. i seriously seriously thought they should go get themselves a room. good lord!

then after a couple of weeks later, i was making a triple tall americano and as i handed it out, oh, it was this man again. after a few hours since i made that drink, my eyes wondered the lobby again, and again, i saw this couple. talking in a very casual manner. but as they were finishing and walked to the car, they gave each other a loong loong embrace. with hands all over each other, top to bottom - top to bottom. still could not get enough of each other, they then started smooching. again. after again. that time, it was not only me who was being the only audience, a few other customers were also watching them - frowning - in disgust, should be.

finally, the girl found the door into the car. and i thought, oh, finally, clear my view, please and thank you. but no. the man leaned in the most awkward posture and to smooch again. then talked. then smooched. i don't wanna repeat myself. but you get the idea.

i know, i am such an up-into-people's-business critic. but then i cannot help it.

i know, maybe i should practice more open-mindedness but seriously though, definately there is a limit to how much lusting one can make in public, very public places. and moreover, it was donw, both times, in front of my very limited viewing range. how coincident can it get, both unfortunately and eye-soaringly.

anyway, thats my story.


xx

inside the mind

• the hectic has come to a momentary halt. hopefully permanently.
  


• i am taking swine flu very personally now. though it may not have affected anyone i know, swine flu is attacking my mental robutness.
  


• count sheeps when you cannot fall asleep, thats what cartoons and nursery books tell you. but living out near the jungle, in Taiping, instead of imaginary sheeps, i count the number of cicak on my ceiling. and let me tell you, it does work. i don't know about sheeps though.
  


• what is your all time favourite, funniest line said in a movie? well, can't say, there are plenty. but the one in mind is, from Notting Hill. it went ;
  "No thanks, i am a fruitarian."
  "I didn't realise that."
  "Ah, ahm, what exactly is a fruitarian?"
  "We believe that fruits and vegetables have feeling so we think cooking is cruel. We only eat things that have actually fallen off a tree or bush - that are, in fact, dead already."
  "Right. Right. Interesting stuff. So, these carrots..."
  "Have been murdered, yes. "
  "Murdered? Poor carrots. How beastly!"
  
  that is some funny shit that always cracks me up.
  
  
• banana chips are disgusting but they keep you going. potato chips are universal awesome and my new favourite, whole grain chips. oh ya. Sun Chips!
  
  
• why do people ever bother?
  
  
• i think i may quit Starbucks.
  
  
• lets lets hold hands and march.
  
  
• i had one less assignment to do. that was from my American History class. thanks to my awesome lecturer. because he did not pay for his electric bill, so he had no power and thus he could not post up the assignment online. he is one heck of a cool lecturer but yet his class is strict and effective. that is why, though American History, it is my favourite class of the semester.
  

and then there is this...

hectic as hectic is spelled spells this week. but yet here i am, posting up some thoughts. lets just say that i am doing this as a way for me to runaway from everything for a moment or two, just to make myself feel better, because this is also a waste of time that i could put to good use.

*staring at the screen, eyes wide open, forgetting to blink*

labours day. May 1st. holiday. but not here. labours day is in september. yes, here, its always special.

*listening to the same songs over and over again and again*

i am critically addicted to malay songs. as unusual as it may sound and seem, i have been in this condition for sometime now. mainstream malay music is all i know but yet, they fulfill my music soul, thats if it exist. but somehow, it fulfill some part of me. mainstream Indonesian music dominates in my player. to name some, Peterpan, Nidji, Gita Gutawa, Sheila on 7, Meet Uncle Hussein, Glen Fredly and even Anuar Zain. the more absorbent i am towards their lyrics, the more i am hooked to their music. generally, malay music is always popularly assumed to be all about cinta, but then, cinta is not that overrated as love is. and no, not all malay music is about cinta.

it has been a month or so, i am working at another Starbucks store. there is one shift manager that i truly dislike (or hate, if i have to). oooooooooh, ghin ee. and ee koh si anene, makes me ghin bi kok anene nia. sipek phun tua. nasi lu eh hiau tak hokkien, wa boh ghin anene in general, no, wa kana ghin bi kok eh oo poi, kelinga oo poi. tapi, at least i think ee si anene. i think she knows i do not like her anyway. it is a secret but it is obvious. and i think she is responding right by disliking me back, it makes life ever more so interesting here on out when i work with her. though she is definately has the edge if compared to me against her, but its fine. it is ok that i become her slave but i will curse her for every step that she takes. may god bless her a lot. monster.

*grins thinking of the things i had done towards this fella that had gone unnoticed, or maybe they were noticed in silence. evil is in the air*

i am in a crisis of i-don't-know-what-i-can-buy for people when i go home. so many things but so little options. so yes but so no. but i am excited to see what i will end up getting, and i can't wait to start the spree. but there are final exams to be excited for first.

i conteng my kasut hari ini. and i tersalah conteng. end up, i had to scratch it. so sekarang, the imperfection is somewhat bugging my mind and somewhat pretty neat!

selamat malam. gotta get out from this sweat-soaked bra.

my calendar.

Monday, April 27th, 2009. 20:45

1. In exactly 4 days, it would be May.
   
   
2. In exactly 1 month and 4 days, it would be June.
   
   
3. In exactly 2 weeks and 4 days, school semester ends.
   
   
4. In approximately 1 month and (+/-) half, I board boeing 747.
   
   
5. In exactly 20 days, it would be Teachers Day.
   
   
6. In exactly 4 days, it would be Labour's Day.
   
   
7. In exactly 7 days, I have 3 assignments due.
   
   
8. In exactly 2 weeks, it would be Mother's Day.
   
   
9. In no time at all, you shall stop reading this piece of rubbish because it ends right here.

24/04/2009

terima kasih kerana anda sentiasa ada.

walaupun pada saat yang tidak tersangka.

dengan membawa senyuman

dan curahan kebahagiaan.

Sports Day in Convent

notice the big JUNE and a pair of shoes?

-it tells a story, a story of me, waiting for the month of June, when those pair of shoes will walk the earth of Malaysia!

X X X

anyway, hows everybody been? to anyone that happens to read this and those people that i did not have time to stop and ask 'how are you?' i don't know why, but i sometimes feel unnecessarily obligated to do so and feel slightly guilty for not doing so. but then i do hope, my friends, you all are doing just well and happy if not better.

by the way, to those that do not know of the existance of an official portal to Convent's website, it is at http://www.smkct.net/. try checking it out. one day, out of sheer boredom, i checked out the photo gallery in the web site and was going through probably few hundred snap shots of Sports Day '09.

as far as i know, this year's Sports Day was a big event, as Dato' Tan Lian Hoe was invited as the guest of honor. (dengan malunya, i don't know who she is.)

through the photos, i noticed some additional events and also some changes, like the extra act from each mascot and also the kawad pengawas.

i thought the kawad pengawas was pretty cool, the five person kawad with the Convent flag...the menaikkan bendera ceremony, to be simple. and by taking away the kawad pengawas is an awesome idea. at least pengawas can be free from (disgusting) pengawas duties for a day, and be involve in their own house or unit beruniform. because, through personal experience, having friends marching for pengawas and being a pengawas myself, but when it comes to Renjer Puteri and pengawas, all my heart goes out for Renjer Puteri. i'll and i do pretend to clap for pengawas. oh, and also the 8X50m event, don't think i ever did run for pengawas (or have i?). but no no, even if i ran for pengawas, i never did run slower than i can (i take my running seriously). so anyway, conclusion is, no pengawas in the picture is good.

and the mascot act, even only through them pictures, they made me laugh. one is, i am sure they were hilarious live. Dang Wangi had a soldier, Tun Kudu - red indian, Tun Fatimah - witch, Dang Anum - angel i think, Tun Teja - chinese girl, errr, like a chinese dancer? i think, and Mahsuri - warrior. second thing that made me laugh was seeing them being so enthusiastic, so driven to win, even doing silly acts like that. even when it does not involve winning, they are so enthusiastic on putting on a good show for people to see. and its good.

and definately, it got me thinking about all the sweeet times in all 5 years of Sports day.

2004 was the last year of sorak and then the tradition came back in 2007. protested but failed.

the total dominance of Tun Teja since forever until it got broken in 2006. when Tun Kudu manage to slip ahead of Teja to gain their very first victory in he history of Convent and carried on to 2007. since then 2008-2009 had been dominated by Dang Anum, what a turn of events.

Teja's consistent win in kawad, also since forever, till this year still. Teja's fortunate coincidence of always having the best athletes, year after year, fresher better athletes belongs to Teja. and other houses only have little to a few athletes that are able to take on those of Teja's. but i don't know about now.

its always about Teja, therefore, Teja was always the enemy. and out on the field, Kudu was the tightest competitor to Teja.

it surely is still clear at the back of my mind how scarily competitive we all were. but i certainly have come to appreciate that competitive instinct that we had. because without them, what is sports day? i do appreciate that Teja always had that errogant we-will-win attitude, if not, no one would be driven to do their best just to see Teja go down. as i would put it, Teja always acted like they were the king and we were all just common people, common people with talent. and we had to believe that we can one day beat the king and be the king. Kudu always was like the leader of the common people. Kudus believed they could do it, and with that belief, other houses believed they may also make it.

i respect the fact that Teja still dominates the kawad. this will make all the other houses to always strive harder to break Teja's successive wins. that is only how one can improve, by striving to beat the best. Teja is best in the business because they have a very good routine. a routine that gave them years of victory and no other house has yet to figure out a better routine to beat them.

Kudu's only dominance in sukan tara. every year many years.

we do literally go krazily semangat beyond words when it comes to sports day.

like i had said before on one of my post, that sports day do make friends into enemies and enemies into greater enemies. but maybe to me, sports day mean more than it does to the next student. but i am sure that the next student do feel a little gush of patriotism for their houses too even if she don't care about sports day. because how many of us are able to say that on sports day, i was not involve in anything at all. no, i am sure you were forced to be involve in something. thats what sports day in Convent make you feel and do.

that is one of the things i miss most.

lets not let this wonderful tradition go. and never let it elude the future generations of Convent.