Thursday, March 24, 2011

restroom sense.

(blow, pooofff, poooofffff, this dusty old heck.)

I am writing this as a very pathetic birthday present (or actually a motivational excuse to update my blog) for Jennifer. She said that she had been reading my blog again and again, 185 posts, until she had memorized them, how greatly exaggerated, but I'll buy it. I am sure I've lost all my readers, but hey, lets start all over again. Alright. What I am about to write is something that I've had in my head a long long time. In fact, I think about writing it almost everyday, at least, one time a day. Haha. You'll know.

So, people, what do you do, besides releasing your waste, while in the restroom? Maybe this only relates to the girls, because boys usually don't sit, unless there is a major project (or if you are gay). Well, I don't know about you all girls, but I do many observations, and I have some experiences to share; life learning lessons to share.

Firstly, whenever you go to the public restrooms, choose the cubicle without the flouresant light shining right over it. Seriously, that is very important, because the cubicles with lights shining right over, cast the darkest shadow, ehem, hence, ehem, whatever that you do, and or have, I don't know, you know, can be seen clearly by the person beside you (who is gonna be me). And notice, public restrooms usually do not have the joining side walls all the way down to the floor, it usually hangs a few centimeters high. So ya, shadow actions can be seen..can can. Am I starting to creep you out now?
Another thing, if you have a major bowel locomotion, be it solid or gaseous, do not spread your legs so wide that the person next to your cubicle can see your shoe. Do not. Because you know, if that person next to you is me, you know that when you come out from the restroom, I'd be there spotting that shoe to see how the sound of your bowel locomotion matches with that pretty face. Have some common restroom sense, really. Unless you really don't care for your dignity. Oh, boy, dignity. I will always remember that face, and that shoe.

If you need to gas bomb, pull the trigger before you sit on the bowl. Because, the shape of the bowl, in simple imagineer physics, you know, causes echo, therefore, amplifies the sound. And you really don't want the force of the air to push the toilet bowl water upwards and wetting your bum bums, that would be quite nasty.

Oh, also, if you are carrying any bag, hang it, do not put it on the floor, because I can also see it. If I don't see your shoe, I'd see your bag, they are both very spot-able. Besides, its really more hygiene to hang it.

Lastly, do not do your finishing touches near the crack of the door, yes, it is only a thin crack, but a thin crack is still a crack. If you are gonna spend an hour in the restroom, try avoiding your face, or possibly your whole self, to be visible through the door crack, is it not embarassing? Cause I'd go, "Hey, that is my classmate taking a hard poop." I know, I know, pooping is natural, its human, but still society classifies pooping as an unsocietal action, you are supposedly not suppose to do it in public. So yeah, do it at home. Then you are safe from people like me, or me.

So now you know, what I do when I am in the restroom. I listen and I observe. But no, I am not a perv, though I sound like it. Haha.

So, here Jenn, Happy Birthday. tehee.