Thursday, September 24, 2009


kekadang hidup penuh susah, saya hendak melepaskannya. ada masa ia begitu cantik, saya menggenggamnya dengan ketat sekali. hari mungkin tidak harus sentiasa cerah, kerana kelamaan, cerah tidak menjadi makna lagi, oleh itu, kegelapan harus diterima juga. seringkali, tiada kata yang mampu memperbaiki satu-satu kesakitan, satu-satu kesedihan, satu-satu kehilangan, hanya simpati bersama bahu dan telinga menjadi resipi yang paling sesuai. mencuba untuk memahami, untuk bertoleransi. saya amat berpuas hati, berkontensi dan bersyukur dengan segalanya yang saya sudah miliki, yang sudah saya mampu miliki. walaupun sedikit tetapi tetap ada, tetap wujud. semua yang saya lalui ini tidak ternilai keistimewaannya. peluang yang saya telah dikurniakan akan tetap dihargai sampai ke hujung hayat. kalau semua ini mampu berlangsung untuk selama-lamanya, akan saya sentiasa di situ untuk merasanya, tanpa ada ragu. tetapi kalau semua ini akan berhenti, saya juga tetap akan menerimanya dengan hati berbunga matahari. kerana semua benda tidak ada abadi. walaupun rindu sentiasa datan bersama derita. tetapi derita bersama rindu memberi peluang kita memberi kasih dan menerima sayang. hidup tidak boleh walau bagaimanapun menjadi sempurna di atas kemahuan kita. tetapi itulah cubaan yang kita perlu tempuhi. umpama kalau tiada malam, tiada akan ada pagi. waktu tidak dapat dipatah balik, jadi, jangan sesekali menyesali langkah kita. menghargai setiap saat yang ada. setiap kata yang boleh ditutur kepadanya. tarikh luput masing-masing adalah tidak berbau.

Charlie Chaplin - Modern times part 1/9

Charlie Chap Chaplin.
have a good laugh, because it's farrrrrrny alright.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Salam Lebaran & Salam Aidilfitri.
kepada semua warga Malaysia,
di sekitar dunia.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

"the price of pleasure."

not shopping.

but pornography.

yesterday, after english class, i was ready to go home. nap..lunch..sun... . as i was passing the Eagle Hall, my steps came to a hault - human traffic jam. i looked throught the crowd and on the wide screen, plastered against the wall of the hall, it said, "The Price of Pleasure: pornography, sexuality and relationships." ah, no wonder. so, i decided to join the crowd. signed in. took my seat and anticipated. it was full house.

what was, was a professor in journalism from University of Texas, Dr. Robert Jensen, was invited to the school for a showing of a film (more like documentary to me) titled, "The Price of Pleasure". yah. Dr. Jensen has been studying on the issue of pornography in the american culture of the past 20 years and he had also consulted in the making of the film. he also wrote a book on pornography.

before the filming of the documentary, Dr. Jensen adviced that there would be explicits scenes in the documentary. he also mentioned that images that would be shown maybe hard to swallow by some - because many people in the hall may never have seen pornography. i thought he said that with some sarcasm, but i may be wrong. because he then followed to share that according to his close study, 99.9% of men in america watches/watched pornos or sexual materials of somekind. i was shocked, that is a serious number.

but anyway, i thought, what the hell, it cannot be that bad, that explicit so make me sick. though mind you, i have never exposed my eyes to any of such material. it is that i very rarely can be made sick.

if i were to tell what i see throughout the 52 minutes of filming, i would fail badly. but i would share some shocking facts i've learned and disturbing images i saw. but mind what i am about to write...
  • so, did you know that pornography is a 10-14 billion dollars industry? it is more than the NFL, NBA and MLB put together. (american Football, Basketball and Baseball respectively. the three biggest-most popular sport in america).
  • the most popular pornography is violence. and the two most popular violent act in pornography are choking and gagging. do you know how gagging occurs? yes, when doing orally, the penis would stick so deep down the throat of the woman that it would trigger gagging. and that is how the men achieve pleasure. choking the woman while intercourse was suppose to be very arrousing.
  • there is award shows for porn stars. prestigous award ceremony. i don't want to know what category they have and i am glad the film did not tell. "25 years ago, we were in the cheapest hotel in Las Vegas, and after 25 years, and where are we? - in the most expensive hotel in Las Vegas."
  • a porn star was telling about her market prices. there are girl-to-girl scenes, man-to-her scenes and mEn-to-her scenes all at different price. the max is one in the mouth, one in the vagina and two in the anal (or maybe three) = $13,000.
  • ATM. not Automatic Teller Machine. it is Anal To Mouth. i chose not to describe but do your math. "you are practically eating shit."
  • every year, there are about 100,000 women auditioning to land a role in the pornography scene.
  • 'A-list' porn stars earns millions just by selling sex toys of their duplicate body parts.
  • Harvard and University of Chicago have their own porn magazine.
  • there are granny pornos and also pregnant women pornos. child animated pornos.
  • ...
above are all i hope i remember. images were super, extremely, entirely, absolutely, disturbing, sickening. though blurred. one was a man and a woman scened in the toilet, the woman leaning againt the toilet bowl. and [probably] when the man was at his peak of orgy, he pushed the head of the woman into the bowl - into the water and then flushed. scenes of women gagging and one scene of how women are made to gag were the worst.

i definately did not anticipated all that. i was at the egde. i could feel last night's fried rice up to my throat. i had to look is just no joke. and it was mentioned during the disccussion with the professor that the film was only the tip of the iceberg. i cannot imagine neither would i want to know what lies beneath the water?

i am sorry if i might have made you feel like how i felt. if i had that power. but i had to let it out my chest.

the world is so sick.

Friday, September 11, 2009



Thursday, September 3, 2009


so for this semester in college, i took sociology, introduction to sociology - study of human behaviours and beyond. though i only attended 4 classes, but the moment i flipped through the text book, i knew i was gonna like the subject/class. and very fortunately, i guess i did not pick the wrong professor. the vital essence of my interest.

anyhooo, i wanted to share the basic 3 perspectives in sociology. i find them very interesting, as they are things that only people so free are able to sit down and think, and come up with such perspectives. well, ya, there are people like that, if not, there would not be a sociology to even begin with. and bla bla bla..

the first is, Functionalist.
- in the theory/perspective of functionalist, is that everything in the society has a function. EVERYTHING. for example, crime, which we all know is bad, but in the perspective of a functionalist, its something benefitting to the society, because it then provides jobs for police, or for security companies, whatever. terrorism, for that matter, helps control population, diseases to helps control population, creates job for doctors, scienstist,... nothing is just bad for the society. meaning, anything that benefits even the smallest group in society, then it is good, it is functional.
- everything in society is interdependant. for example; <--> restaurant <--> hospital <--> airport...
there has to be school to create doctors for the hospital, there has to be restaurant to make food poisoning to have people going to the hospital and airport for better education and it goes on..
- society is always at equilibrium, and if something out of the norm happens, society will be disequlibriumed and then come back to stability, will acquire to the situation and then achieve equilibrium.
-----equilibrium-----~~~disequilibrium~~~-----back to stability----
- functionalist also believe in manifest function which is open and obvious. and product of manifest function is latent function.
eg. we all pay for college to get education (manifest,obvious) and because we go to college, we met the love of our life (latent).

the second is, Conflict.
- believes that humans are full of tension, always in a struggle and society is full of competition.
- wealth, power, prestige - are what society strives for. don't think big, even the most innocent and simple idea of pursuing education, is a way of striving for power/wealth/prestige.
conflict is pretty much self-explanatory.

the third is, Symbolic Interactions.
- symbols.
one word. symbolic interaction meaning society is all about judging one another by symbols. the shoes you where, the way you walk, the way you stride, your jimmy not choo's, your wheels and ya...symbols. very subjective and based on own interpretations.

the 3 perspectives are very different in their own way. like a venn diagram, the over-lapping sections - there are also similarities.

so i ask, what do you think? what do you think society is mainly comprise of? why?

i am a believer of conflict. definately. people never stop struggling, from day one of birth till the last breath, will then you put a full stop to suffering. everything revolves around struggle and suffer. to be in constant tension and competitive mode, is a form of struggle. to always greed for more wealth and good things even though you already own too much is a sruggle because the thought of wanting more, of trying to get more...kills you. you might disagree, but i think it is the truth and it is the reality, no matter how not you think you are not, you are suffering. you are competing in someway, you are... .

look around.