my days so far...

many may wonder what am i doing with my life right now. with no friends, no school, no license, no nothing, whats life? how can i be living in such dull, monotonous and dry lifestyle, being that its eejane. well, guess you actually can, i actually can, with the fact that there is no other way to do it but to live everyday. i am here since May 13th and for 18 days that folkowed, i did nothing but hid myself under the covers for days, maybe i was just trying to runaway from the awful misery i was drowning in. but soon after, i recovered, i had to. those 18 days was all about trying to absorb the fact that i am not in Taiping anymore and trying to settle with the thought that it would take more than 1 month before i am home again. going out and about in where i am was just so tiring. i was not (still am not) very interested to see the the foreign place i am in because i know i will have more than enough time to see it, so why rush? all i wanted to do was stay in.

after the eighteenth day mark, i guess it was time that i do something with my life, moreover, with the fact that there is no way for me to go to school yet, makes it feels like my life was getting more and more purposeless, senseless, pointless... therefore, i found myself a job, as a nasty waitress, in a malaysian restaurant, Nyonya Grill A Taste Of Malaysia. i've been working there close to a month now. from the short eriod of time, i've seen a lot of people, met a lot of people, talked to a lot of people and smiled hypocritically to a lot of strangers. though as much as i hate the idea of working, i love the idea of me making money. but working there is more like a pleasurable commitment and also to pass my time.

so, ya, i work. but whenever i don't, i will be cycling around, to the cinema to catch a movie, to the bookstore to read some stuff or i'll be jogging. but most of the time, i am here, staring at the computer screen, blogging, reading blogs, news and updates on Malaysia and of course, catching up with my friends. so thats pretty much my life so far, and coming. again, you may wonder why can't i go to school, well, thats a lil too boring and long a story to tell here. well.

AT WORK, i've learned somethings that i didn't know. well,of course.duh. met with so many kind of people there. especially my fellow waitresses there. most are from China studying here, one from Hong Kong, an engineer in an oil company but working part time as a waitress. those chinese speaks mandarin at a speed of lightning which makes it so hard for me to understand. therefore, initially sign language was our language of communication. but now, slowly but surely i am learning mandarin. and at work, there are also maxicans that work in the kitchen, and they are even worse because their knowledge in english is almost zero. but i am picking up espanyola pretty well.

FROM WORK, only i realise how proud it is to be a Malaysian. prouder than ever before. there was a question that i was asked by my fellow chinese colleagues, how come i am a Malaysian but i speak english. and besides that i can also speal hokkien, a lil of mandarin and also speak our native language? so whenever people talk to you in other language (that is not english) do you 'translate' it to english in order to understand? i SERIOUSLY had no idea how to explain it to her. moreover, in mandarin. because to us, we just understand it. is there any method that we understand so many languages? but to them, when a foreign language is used, then somehow they translate it to mandarin only then they absorb it.

FROM CUSTOMERS, quite a number knows Malaysia. one goes there often for business matters and has a girlfriend, in a nice way, girlfriend but truth is its a mistress and it was awkward how he had to tell me that he was already married because of a stupid question i asked. one was in Malaysia back in the 1970s. and one has blurred memories of Malaysia but most customers knows that Malaysia is near Singapore, not Singapore is somewhere near Malaysia, (damn it). once in awhile, i meet with Malaysians here and once in a long while, there are Malaysian Malays yang bertudung dan ada yang berbahasa Melayu.

FOOD, Malaysian food here is the best of available here. but certainly nothing compared to home. less authentic, less Malaysian quality and no Malaysian love. worst is my most favourite malaysian food - wantan mee kuan low, is the worst food on the menu here.

smkConvent, Taiping.

back when we were in school, in Convent, life was just school and nothing else. i don't know how other schools work, don't know what their culture are, but here in Convent, we practically live-eat-breathe school. maybe not for all but for most of us, yes, i think we do, without even realising. so to prove my theory, i've came up with a brief but detailed-enough analysis of what and how a typical year of Convent students go;

January - as soon as school reopens, straight away we are pressured by prefects and discipline teachers to clean up the class, wrap the tables and worse of all task, fill up the bulletin boards - every subject, every corner of the class. if not, denda. denda denda denda.

February - usually when all the action begins. 1. its starts with something called the 'mesyuarat rumah-rumah sukan'...the minute that meeting ends is the minute 99% of the students in Convent get caught up with business until the very second the head prefects shouts hip.hip.hooray to end the Sports Day. yes, latihan sukan, sukan tara, latihan kawad, latihan sorak, preparations for hias rumah, designing/runningtoboonbeng/collectingmoney/distributing tshirts. can't give a rest. no. cause it is deemed that you rest you die.
2. try-outs, practices for most sports starts as well in preparation for the district meet. berebut-rebut padang...berebut-rebut kawasan..imagine the scenario.

March - 1. the on-going practices for Sports day continues. now it gets more heated up as time ticks away and also with;
2. first term examintions creeping near.
3. sometimes, the co-academic activites starts their practices for the district level competitons. namely, debate, choir and drama, all which are EXPECTED to win. *sweats*
4. more and more practices for Sports Day. sometimes its as if the first-term is less important.

April - 1. finally Sports day, came and gone.
2. things get more realxed. students take a break from all the staying-backs.
3. most sports and co-academic activities practices still continue. more days, more hours now..

May - 1. mid-terms. its taken seriously because students tend to regret for all those don't-have-to-but-still-must-and-tend-to-want-to stay backs.
2. and in the midst of the students trying to be studying - seriously, its the peak event in Convent, Teacher's day. fact that applies in all events that place in Convent, it cannot be taken lightly. there are perforamances to worry about, decorations, banners, games, budgets...
3. after mid-terms, despite the results...practices starts again, this time for the next most major event after Hari Sukan - Hari Kokurikulum. kawat formasi-gadget-masakan-bola jaring-apa sahaja. rain or shine, doesnt seem to be a factor.

June - 1. finally end is the Hari Koku.
2. calls for Hari Anugerah. another event. rehersals. performance. decorations.
3. camps. rangers camp, puteri islam camp, day camps..jv,pp,krs.. name tags are the biggest headache.

July - mellow month. though there are those 'non-calendered' events like, kantin day, teacher's retirement, teacher's farewell...could be anytime, any month, anyday..

August - bulan Merdeka. meaning whole bulan occupied. with all kinda activities, scrapbook, poster, hias kelas, banner, choir, choral speaking, sketsa...which calls for more stay backs.

September - 1. end-of-year exams, trials, pmr?
2. no more major events.

October - 1. activiti selepas pmr. drama, choral speaking, netball.
2. aktiviti sebelum spm (???) haha.

November, December - holiday homework. is it correct when these two words are put together? because it contradicts one another. but ya, you get that in Convent.

all activities listed above involves excessive staying backs. its not that we want to do stay back excessively but its just the norm thing in Convent. it is also our nature to do so. the competitivenss that exist make us try and try so hard. thus we only strive for perfection and anything less than perfect is not good enough.

besides the point of staying back, as soon as we reach home, we rush to finish our (oh my god, a lot) homework. stay up all night just so that we do not get busted the next day. teachers in Convent think their students are superhumans. but somehow or another, i think we are. they give homework as if that is the only subject we have the whole day, but fact is, there is another 9 subjects. if not homework, its tuition.
so its, rush home from school to rush to tuition and come rushing home from tuition to finish homework and rushing it through to rush to sleep for a long tomorrow.

if not homework,
if not tuition,
there are little things like;
- writing reports. laporan kelab, laporan persatuan unit beruniform, laporan rumah sukan, laporan......
- gotong-royong, motivasi, ceramah, more ceramah, kelas tambahan - on saturdays.
- renewing papan kenyataan around school. once every 3 months or everytime guests are expected in school..

also Convent does not have many students, therefore most of them are reused and recycled. and i did not consider those events that sometimes goes unnoticed, like karnival bahasa tamil, sayembara, tarian tradisional, debate bahasa melayu, bersyarahan, berpuisi, public speaking, kuiz yang pelbagai..etc.

highhighhighhighhighhighhighhighhighhigh expectations to lift up to.

even our leisure times like talking on the phone with friends, are school orientated conversations, most of the time. i tried thinking for a moment in lives of Convent students which is free from school related issue, still fruitless. Convent really just leaves you with no time for other things but only itself.

a friend mentioned before that Convent 'built most of what she is today', well, i can't agree more with myself. i can't name a close friend that isn't from school.

and all this makes us so attach to out school. even after form5, its so difficult to be able to detach from it.

so that pretty much proves my theory, no? we actually survived.

cupacake sempurna tm.

kebahagiaan ini adalah satu kurniaan yang paling indah dan istimewa.

kebahagiaan ini bukan sekadar berasa gembira.

kebahagiaan yang dimaksudkan ini adalah satu perjalanan perasaan yang amat unik dan berbeza.

kepada kebanyakan orang, saya pasti, kebahagiaan ini bukan seperti yang dilalui oleh saya dan setahu saya, dua orang lagi iaitu kawanku yang memahami keistimewaan ini.

kebahagiaan dalam konteks kami penuh dengan emosi yang pelbagai;
..ada masa yang amat mensukacitakan hati, ada masa yang amat mendukacitakan,
..ada masa kami tidak pasti apa emosi yang sedang dilalui diri kami.
..tetapi itulah keunikannya.
..kerana jika tiada yang buruk, yang baik tidak akan dihargai, bukan?

Apabila kebahagiaan mendampingi diri kami, perasaan itu sememangnya tidak dapat dikatakan.

Apabila kebahagiaan ini memulaukan dirinya daripada kami untuk seketika, ia bagaikan sudah selamanya.

Apabila kebahagiaan ini melukakan hati, keperitan itu amatlah menajam, menikam ke dalam sanubari.
(walaupun saya tidak pernah mengalaminya, tetapi pemerhatianku terhadap kawanku sudah amat memadai.)

kebahagiaan ini, tidak mementingkan diri,

tidak mengira perbezaan,

tidak mengenal waktu dan jarak,

mengajar kami akan kesyukuran.

kebahagiaan ini diumpamakan dengan baraan api;
..ia memerlukan kesabaran dan keyakinan untuk menghidupkan api.
..sebaik saja api sudah dihidupkan,diberikan kayu supaya baraan api itu sentiasa ada.
..semakin banyak kayu, semakin besar baraan api.

kebahagiaan tidak mencari diri kami, ia hanya menunggu kami untuk menemuinya,
dan
kebahagiaan hany a menjadi milik mereka yang mempercayai akan kehadirannya
dan
walau betapa sengsaranya ia untuk menemui kebahagiaan ini, namun setiap rintangannya amatlah berbaloi.

kebahagiaan ini sungguh sempurna.
-------> hasillah, cupacakes sempurna tm.


tidak mengenal nestapa, tidak berdusta, hanya tulusnya hati, hanya indah hanya bahagia untuk selamanya.

-ketulusan hati, anuar zain.

guru Pitka.

mariska hargitay...

so here i am, just got back from my afternoon bicycle ride - to the cinema. this time to catch The Love Guru. well,like most movies i've watched, they are all stupid nonsense comedies. so goes with this. my overall review would be that, its funny but there are not many moments that you actually laugh out loud. it only makes you smile. somehow, i don't know why. but i would say that it is an inspiring movie, the guru, Guru Pitka has many good love advice, know. for example, if you have trouble with 'intimacy', meaning you have problems with, 'into-me-you-see.' haha. good one huh. from Guru Pitka, i also learned that the bible is

B - basic

I - instructions

B - before

L - leaving

E - earth

and guru means; (say it out loud)

Gee

yoU

aRe

yoU

he also wrote several books, namely, 'IF YOU THINK YOU ARE HAPPY, THINK AGAIN', well, this is one that i remember because its hell, no, i will never read this book. funniest part i think is the Guru Pitka's guru, who is not blind butonly seriously cross-eyed. oh ya, and the leading actress is jessica alba, and dang, her character's name is jane. oh and justin timberlake is also part of the cast. he was not bad.

so all in all, my $7.25 was worth it. no regrets, though wished there were just more laughing out loud moments. but i bet that it would be a whole lot more fun watching with my wacko jacko fwends.

watch the Guru Pitka in action, people.

oh tanah airku.

what is actually happening to Malaysia?

i know but i don't think i know quite enough to know yet will i ever know enough? even when i am back home i rarely read the newspaper, catch up with the current events or what not but this 'Malaysian issue', which i don't even know what the core is, is already catching up with me here. and i become so interested in knowing more but hell i can't. so i find answers in this website called malaysiakini.com, news and views that matters, there are so much issues there, political issues. ok, so i guess all this havoc and mayhem in the politics in Malaysia is causing all the mess in Malaysia, what the hell, i don't even know. is this issue common? all this political battle has been there all along that i was too ignorant to even notice or did it only start after the 12th general election?

all i know lately was that the price of fuel went up and thus causing prices of food and many everyday essentials to increase too and consequently cost of living increases but yet income remains stagnant. anyway, from malaysiakini.com, there are so many interesting issues, spreading awareness in the general public in how Malaysia is turning into under the current government, so many columns, articles, so many letters, videos...(btw i love to watch anwar talk.) as shallow as i am right now, i know Malaysia is not in good hands, so is there a tiny possibility that the government will change?

all this is so confusing. maybe i am just not fit to understand all this. but hey, i love Malaysia. its not Malaysia's fault that its so fucked up. well, i just hope that Malaysia will somehow be able to turn around and be better. Malaysia is such a beautiful little country that it would be so bitter if one day the country goes down the slump. i truly hope Malaysia will not fall any deeper.

because to me there is no other place to call home once you've experienced and live the Malaysian life. i may not have seen the world yet, but i am sure of that.

do visit malaysiakini.com, people.