Friday, July 13, 2012

Change is what good.

Ah wow. Wow. I am here because I am bored to my core, my deepest deepest core of desperation. At the same time, being bored means having no one to talk to about my philosophical ways of thoughts. Logging in to this blog, so much has changed, it literally took me more than a minute to find my way to my main page. I remember those days when I used to read blogs a whole lot, always very entertained by fellow friend, Ily, always wacky; and always urging on my friends to update their blog so I'd have something to read - so much has changed since.

This is one sad pathetic Jane writing the words to this blog. I hate to say, you know, I know, we all know, this is one suckiest summer feeding to my suicidal self. The highest point of sadness and sorrow lies in this summer, something that may haunt me for quite awhile; but I would be wrong to not say that it did trail with a deem of joy.

For this sacrifice I took to let go this summer for home, it came with the biggest price ever. It did not slip my mind initially when I said to myself, maybe, maybe, I'd survive this summer drought - sure enough, life is a gamble, it is a risk-taking s.o.b. And because it is me, because it is me, life sure smack me in the face just when I allowed myself to take the gamble. Life is not fair. Losing my granma was immense; to feel the feel of true anger, frustration and so much anger, towards myself, towards them - who will never understand me.

I was doing some dishes just right before I came stumbling to write a blog. Looking out the window as I was scrubbing them dishes, I had thought about the impossibilities of how people always say that, one chapter is closed and another opens, I don't think life works that way. Chapters of life does not open and close, at least not easy, not at all. I picture my life, in the final ending, I have chapters and chapters left wide open; even if I had moved to live on the 29th chapter, 28 chapters would be opened. If one is open and one is closed, how do we ever get rich in our lives? We need every chapter we ever gained, and that's how ones life would be enriched - with all the beautiful people - my awesome friends with uncanny niceness and tolerance for me. I miss you all.

As for me, I am gonna take my time to open new chapters, I am well and fine living off the old ones. Like this quote, I've taken as one of my life's motto, "there's no need to rush, we're all just waiting, waiting to die" from City and Color's "Waiting".

You all have a great coffee day. 

1 comment:

jenn said...

=)... =( write more. we're always here to read em. its been too long since u updated.