tetapi kini tiada.

selamat petang, Malaysia.

sinar matahari memancarkan cahayanya,

pada muka bumi Malaysia,

pada hari yang istimewa ini.

kalendarku menandakan 22.Jun.

hari ini penuh senyuman,

penuh dengan sukacita di hati,

kegembiraan digandakan,

kedukaan diganti.

hari ini,

ku dapat menatap wajahnya,

hari ini,

ku dapat mengucapnya.

tetapi kini tiada.

sempurna.

"kau begitu sempurna,
di mataku kau begitu indah,
kau membuat diriku akan selalu memujamu,
disetiap langkahku ku kan selalu memikirkan dirimu..."
gita gutawa, sempurna

a friend introduced me to this song. at first when i heard it, i was, 'wow, this is slower than any slow songs i've ever heard.' but the singer's voice is fairly nice, somewhat soothing for this song. after a couple of times repeating the song, it became so addictive. captivating lyrics and melody.

'...kau genggam tanganku, saat diriku saatku lemah dan terjatuh, kau bisikan kata dan hapuskan sesalku...'

'...biarlah ku bertanya,
pada bintang-bintang,
tentang arti kita,
dalam mimpi yang sempurna...'
peter pan, mimpi yang sempurna

alangkah baiknya jika bintang-bintang di langit boleh berkata-kata. boleh menjawab soal kita. dan bilakah akan ku bermimpikan mimpi yang sesempurna ini?

'mungkinkah bila ku bertanya pada bintang-bintang, dan bila ku mula mearasa bahasa kesunyian...'

it keeps playing in my head.

sing out loud,people.

being on the streets.

its 15minutes to 1am. and out of boredom and the inability to sleep early, i grabbed my keys, walked out the door. and figured, lets not just stand here and stare at the moon. so i cycled. cycled around the neighbourhood. i went to the post box to check if there is any mail, took the keys out to try to open those mail boxes to stupidly realise, i don't know which one belongs to the home address. as i was working the keys, the sound of the keys hitting each other was as if so loud, in the silent night on an empty street. i was so scared that a dog might bark at me and wake everyone up, but guess there are no stray dogs here. then i cycled to the park/playground just around the corner and was thinking of going on the swing to feel the night breeze brush again my face but there was no light, it was pitch black. so being ejane, i quickly cycled away.

it was rather spooky but it did remind me of my driving days when i used to drive around late at night...
to compare between cycling and driving, i guess they both have its weaknesse.
one, being in a car gives you a sense of security but driving a car has many empty spaces for uninvited guests to ride along with you. cycling has only one space and one space only but it is very exposed.
second, driving in a car, you always tend to look at the rear view mirror which you actually don't have to since there isn't any cars anyway at the wee hours of the morning or at midnight. cycling, you rarely look back, why would you? thus... whatever that is behind you, is behind you.

there was once, i drive out to my friends place to take something really important (concerns netball), since it was important, i took the risk of driving out at 5minutes to midnight on my birthday. i drove out without any fear, singing along with the songs playing on the cd and i was so distracted that i even drive through red light without even realising i did that until i reached home. i even used the tupai indusrty road, which is very deserted. but when i was driving home from my friends, i almost died..of fear.

then there is one time when i was fetching my brother for his swimming lesson at 520am, since it was my first time ever to drive the streets of taiping so early in the morning, i decided to explore taiping a lil more. taking long cuts and finally when i was driving home, i used the route in lake gardens and taking the long way instead of the short one, near the seratas asrama, where the tragic car accident happened, i regretted greatly, i was trembling. wished i could just close my eyes and reach home. it was dark and the fact that a tragic car accident took place there really killed me. and to make matters worst, i was the only car there. and the lamp post there was not turned on. but at least i learned my lesson.

and one of the worse time is this one time when i stayed back at my friends house until late midnight. though her house was just barely 2km away but the 2km was as if the longest distance i've ever driven on. i don't know what triggered that funk in me but i wanted to blast some music but somehow the loud noise was scaring me. but when i offed the noise, it was so silent...so silent...i can only hear the beating of my heart and me breathing..i am glad i didn't hear any inhalation and exhalation behind my neck. if not i would surely run and leave the car behind. and as i waited for my gate to open, it was a forever process.

so i guess its a good thing that we do not have eyes at the back of our heads. if we did, mine would be shut most of my life.

don't look back, people.

movies on my list.

today, marked the 13th of june 2008 on my angel images calender indicate that i had been away from home for a month now. i made it out, alive. away from taiping, the food, the life, my friends, my car, my house, my spongebobs, my grandparents, my bro (eer?), squash, purpley clouds, my e.v.e.r.y.thing. days come and go so quickly but the hours and minutes passes so slow, tick after tock. making it for a month without all that was not easy and will not be but i hope things get better.

in this period of time, what can i be doing? i do still jog at least 3 times a week, and now that i don't own a license, i cycle to everywhere i go. most of the time, to the cinema, oh, yesssss. with this i would like to say that i hit a record of 22 movies watched in a month. it may not be an astonishing record or what not but its indeed my personal best. some of the movies i watched here are some of the best and i hope that after i share them with you, you will be able to watch them, i assure you that you will have no regrets.

here is the list,
1. Over her Dead Body (humour by eva longoria, worth your time if you have a lot of it.)
2. License to Wed (another comedic movie by robbie williams. ok. almost similar to no.1,if you like this you would like no.1.)
3. The Forbidden Kingdom (jackie chan and jet li, and the guy from sky high, should pretty mcuh know what to expect, right?)
4. Into the Wild (watch it. enough said. main actor is also the main actor in the recent movie, speed racer.)
5. Spongebobsquarepantis Atlantis (haha)
6. Charlie Wilson's War (i watched it because of julia roberts. but i don't know what was going on most of the time.)
7. Kung Fu Panda (nice enough.)
8. Harold and Kumar Escape from Guatanamo Bay (comedy comedy comedy. but unfortunately its rated R, meaning its only for those 18 and above.)
9. Don't Mess with Zohan (sama sama saja seperti yang di atas but at least i think this is PG-13. how can a movie be not comedic wtih adam sandler?)
10. Guy X (funny storyline.emm.)
11. The Kite Runner (its also a book, i think i saw it in Popular bookstore in Taiping. its a good worth watching touching movie.yes. though if you prefer the slow process than the quick one, its better to read the book as it is more explicit and detailed in the book.)
12. Mr.Woodcock (a comedy but not funny enough for me, somehow)
13. Jam (stupid movie that wasted my time. shit)
14. Juno (popular movie. don't see why you should not watch it)
15. What Happens In Vegas (cameron diaz and hotty ashton. yea. catch it if you can.)
16. S.W.A.T (collin ferrel. nice sajala. but its a really old movie.)
17. Who Am I? (this movie is older than your dog. its jackie chan though, if you are a fan)
18. Panic Room (this is a good movie. this time was my third time watching it. still good everytime.)
19. Ratatouille (first time i watched it i thought it was pretty boring, this time, i watched it twice, back to back and i find it good. good cartoon.)
20. A Beautiful Mind (errr...)
21. Flawless (worth watching. staring demi moore and michael caine, suspense..somewhat)
22. Harriet The Spy (this is my all-time favourite movie eversince. i manage to grab hold of the VCR version for 99cents. its an old nickelodeon production, stars michelle trachtenberg, that was when she was only about 11, now she is Dawn Summers in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, ya, thats how old this movie is)

so many movies watched is all because there is a vending machine kinda machine here that vends movies for only $1 per movie and also fact that there is a cinema just behind where i live and its a cycle-able distance. anyway, some are really old movies and some are rather new some are the newest. those in bold is a should watch. but Into The Wild is a must watch. its just a really good movie. movies movies and more movies.

sit back and relax, people.
popcorns anyone? with extra caramel...

happiness, ya, of course.

have you ever thought what happiness is all about? if ten people were asked what their definition about happiness is, i am sure all ten are different. well, for me, i really don't know what happiness is. maybe for now, my happiness is freedom and days that i don't get shouted at. but come on, happiness could just be a phantom, just a word to play tricks to our mind and our feelings. but yet, maybe it could be like what the article i read from Reader's Digest, the June 1989 edition said.

from the article, "...if you think people living in glamorous, fun-filled place are more happier than others. if so, you have some mistaken ideas of the nature of happiness..." but truth is "...fun and happiness have little or nothing in common. FUN is what we experience, HAPPINESS is what we experience after an act. it is deper and more abiding emotion." so it says in the article. i would have to agree at some part to some extend but i will put it this way instead, if there isn't any happiness, there isn't any fun, when there is happiness, fun comes automatically. fun can't exist without happiness, no?

and i quote again, " if fun and pleasure are equated with happiness, then pain must be equated to unhappiness. but in fact, the opposite is true, more times than not, things that lead to happiness involve some pain. " i agree more than i disagree. in some cases, if there is no pain, we can never find the true happiness within.

happiness doesn't find us, do they? but there is so many ways we can find happiness and what we see in happiness. though fact is, no expensive cars, no glamorous parties, fancier home, luxurious vacations can bring you happiness but what if that is what you see in happiness?

i'd be fine with contentment if i don't find happiness. maybe being content is keeping me happy.

but when i read the meaning of happiness through andrew matthews (the author happiness now, no.1 best seller and published in 33 languages) it a whole different thing. i am rather confused now.

but i live by this quote, "kebahagiaan dan kekecewaan adalah lumrah hidup. andainya kebahagiaan menjadi milikmu, bersyukurlah. seandainya kekecewaan mendampingi hidupmu, usahlah berputus asa." good enough, why complication when there is simplification.

be happy, people.