my kind of farny

last night, a bunch of Malaysians got together to have a barbeque dinner. no porks, just chikins; no alcohol, just coca-cola. as we sat, to eat, and to talk about the tiring week we had, it slowly got too boring. we had to crack something up.

characters: Hani, Zuhrah (the girl that tries to maintain her lady elegance, but fails at times), Jell, Jane (you know best), Tearus, Darick and Ezriq (the almighty blur one).

Jell decided so tell  us a joke her brada shared with her a few days ago;

Jell: so there is this boob competition...
Ezriq: what what competition?
Jell: boob.
Ezriq: huh?
Zuhrah: (all impatient and all) TEK TEK!! TEK TEK tahu tak??
Jane: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAsnortsnortBAHAHAHAHAHAHsnort!!!
Hani, Jell, Tearus, Darick, Ezriq: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Ezriq: tahu tahu tahu..(penuh insaf)
*background, Jane was still laughing uncontrollably*
Zuhrah: (noticing that it came out a lil bit too kasar) ehem, ehem. ok ok. i take it back. i tarik balik.
Jell: ....payudara...
*Jane burst out laughing again* [no seriously, its been a while, since i've heard of payudara]
Zuhrah: ok Jane ok. breathe in breathe out..
Jell: ok. so there is this tektek competition, boobs competition la..whatever.competition for the biggest boobs. so when they announce, "pemenang tempat ketiga...sizenya sebesar papaya..." and "pemenang tempat kedua sizenya sebesar tembikai, and then finally.."pemenang tempat pertama...sizenya sebesar oren.."
*everyone huh*
Jell: ....tapi itu hanya size putingnya...
*everyone burst out in tears*

next is a racist joke, but we took precautions since we were outside, laughing so publicly, therefore we told it in BM, which i thought was even funnier..

"ada seorang lelaki hitam dilanggar kereta mati. jadi dia pun tumbuhlah sayap, seperti malaikat, dan lalu ke syurga..setibanya di syurga, dengan penuh kegembiraan, dia bertembung dengan tuhan, katanya kepada tuhan, "sinilah saya, sebagai malaikat..", dan tuhan pun berkata kepadanya, "awak bukan malaikat la, awak adalah seekor kelawar, pergilah!"

asian - chinese joke;

"do you know how chinese people name their children? - they take their kitchen utensils and throw them down the stair. and thats how you get, ping pong piang, cling clong cliang, cheng hui san, beng su ping.."

probably all this is only farny to me. haha. oh well.

restroom sense.

(blow, pooofff, poooofffff, this dusty old heck.)

I am writing this as a very pathetic birthday present (or actually a motivational excuse to update my blog) for Jennifer. She said that she had been reading my blog again and again, 185 posts, until she had memorized them, how greatly exaggerated, but I'll buy it. I am sure I've lost all my readers, but hey, lets start all over again. Alright. What I am about to write is something that I've had in my head a long long time. In fact, I think about writing it almost everyday, at least, one time a day. Haha. You'll know.

So, people, what do you do, besides releasing your waste, while in the restroom? Maybe this only relates to the girls, because boys usually don't sit, unless there is a major project (or if you are gay). Well, I don't know about you all girls, but I do many observations, and I have some experiences to share; life learning lessons to share.

Firstly, whenever you go to the public restrooms, choose the cubicle without the flouresant light shining right over it. Seriously, that is very important, because the cubicles with lights shining right over, cast the darkest shadow, ehem, hence, ehem, whatever that you do, and or have, I don't know, you know, can be seen clearly by the person beside you (who is gonna be me). And notice, public restrooms usually do not have the joining side walls all the way down to the floor, it usually hangs a few centimeters high. So ya, shadow actions can be seen..can can. Am I starting to creep you out now?
Another thing, if you have a major bowel locomotion, be it solid or gaseous, do not spread your legs so wide that the person next to your cubicle can see your shoe. Do not. Because you know, if that person next to you is me, you know that when you come out from the restroom, I'd be there spotting that shoe to see how the sound of your bowel locomotion matches with that pretty face. Have some common restroom sense, really. Unless you really don't care for your dignity. Oh, boy, dignity. I will always remember that face, and that shoe.

If you need to gas bomb, pull the trigger before you sit on the bowl. Because, the shape of the bowl, in simple imagineer physics, you know, causes echo, therefore, amplifies the sound. And you really don't want the force of the air to push the toilet bowl water upwards and wetting your bum bums, that would be quite nasty.

Oh, also, if you are carrying any bag, hang it, do not put it on the floor, because I can also see it. If I don't see your shoe, I'd see your bag, they are both very spot-able. Besides, its really more hygiene to hang it.

Lastly, do not do your finishing touches near the crack of the door, yes, it is only a thin crack, but a thin crack is still a crack. If you are gonna spend an hour in the restroom, try avoiding your face, or possibly your whole self, to be visible through the door crack, is it not embarassing? Cause I'd go, "Hey, that is my classmate taking a hard poop." I know, I know, pooping is natural, its human, but still society classifies pooping as an unsocietal action, you are supposedly not suppose to do it in public. So yeah, do it at home. Then you are safe from people like me, or me.

So now you know, what I do when I am in the restroom. I listen and I observe. But no, I am not a perv, though I sound like it. Haha.

So, here Jenn, Happy Birthday. tehee.

di manakah wajah,
di manakah suara?
di manakah khabar,
di manakah semua?

dalam gelap
kedengaran sepi
kuatnya bunyi sunyi
menganggunya sanubari.

di manakah kebenaran
di manakah keberanian?
di manakah kepastian
di manakah senyuman?

dalam diam
fikiran berkeliharan
semangat terpendam
keluhan berpanjangan.

redhanya rela
pahitnya rasa
sejuknya perasaan
ini kebenaran.

ubat pilu.

inilah saat yang saya amat memerlukan untuk menulis blog. selama selepas semboyan berbunyi, tidak pernah lagi saya merasa sebegini. penulisan blog seakan mengubati hati yang serba pilu. hanya malam itu, terasanya perasaan pilu dan sedih.

ajal semakin tiba buat saya. walaupun masih lagi ada beberapa hari di depan mata, tapi sudah tentu, hari-hari yang akan mendatang, pasti berlalu dengan sekelip mata, tanpa bunyi, tanpa suara.

setiap kali bila menjelang hari-hari terakhir, setiap kali saya mengeluh tanpa habis-habisan. tapi siapa yang sebenarnya mendengar keluhan ini? sendiri ajalah. siapa yang benar-benar memahami perasaan gelap ini? ah, susah hendak diluahkan, apatah lagi untuk dikongsi.

bilakah akan saya sedari dan bilakah akan dapat saya menyesuaikan diri dengan realiti ini? perlukah saya melalui kepiluan ini setiap kali berpisah? rindu yang terpendam dalam hati susah untuk dibuang.

biarkanlah. tidak terdaya walaupun apa.

SEMBOYAN BERBUNYI KUAT.

IT IS THE TIME OF YEAR AGAIN! SUMMER HOTNESS. SUMMER GILANESS. AND MOST OF ALL SUMMER KEBAHAGIAAN. KINI AKAN BERMULA. BIAR SISA-SISA HARIKU BERMULA.



p/s i know. since February. i hope fella friends and readers would stay tuned. thanks for the loyalty.