di manakah wajah,
di manakah suara?
di manakah khabar,
di manakah semua?

dalam gelap
kedengaran sepi
kuatnya bunyi sunyi
menganggunya sanubari.

di manakah kebenaran
di manakah keberanian?
di manakah kepastian
di manakah senyuman?

dalam diam
fikiran berkeliharan
semangat terpendam
keluhan berpanjangan.

redhanya rela
pahitnya rasa
sejuknya perasaan
ini kebenaran.

ubat pilu.

inilah saat yang saya amat memerlukan untuk menulis blog. selama selepas semboyan berbunyi, tidak pernah lagi saya merasa sebegini. penulisan blog seakan mengubati hati yang serba pilu. hanya malam itu, terasanya perasaan pilu dan sedih.

ajal semakin tiba buat saya. walaupun masih lagi ada beberapa hari di depan mata, tapi sudah tentu, hari-hari yang akan mendatang, pasti berlalu dengan sekelip mata, tanpa bunyi, tanpa suara.

setiap kali bila menjelang hari-hari terakhir, setiap kali saya mengeluh tanpa habis-habisan. tapi siapa yang sebenarnya mendengar keluhan ini? sendiri ajalah. siapa yang benar-benar memahami perasaan gelap ini? ah, susah hendak diluahkan, apatah lagi untuk dikongsi.

bilakah akan saya sedari dan bilakah akan dapat saya menyesuaikan diri dengan realiti ini? perlukah saya melalui kepiluan ini setiap kali berpisah? rindu yang terpendam dalam hati susah untuk dibuang.

biarkanlah. tidak terdaya walaupun apa.

SEMBOYAN BERBUNYI KUAT.

IT IS THE TIME OF YEAR AGAIN! SUMMER HOTNESS. SUMMER GILANESS. AND MOST OF ALL SUMMER KEBAHAGIAAN. KINI AKAN BERMULA. BIAR SISA-SISA HARIKU BERMULA.



p/s i know. since February. i hope fella friends and readers would stay tuned. thanks for the loyalty.

my February.

February is and has been a busy month this year. many events coincidently falls on February. February never fails to entertain. because its my month.

for this year, the Chinese New Year is also Love's Day. too bad for some love birds. gotta stay home with the family to celebrate the new year's but its ok, everyday can be love day. but sure hope everyday is not family day, now thats die-able! haha.

and for me and my bunch of friends, February comes with an extra event - a 2 days party. though we have not literally tried partying for 48 hours straight, but we should, one day! its my two other best friends' birthday on the 18th and mine on the 19th. for this year, i am glad and of course, very envious, my friends had had a good celebration. they had a star gazing party, how about a change! that was a pretty nice idea. and yan promised that when i come back, we would star gaze on her roof. i hope she remembers her words. and then on my birthday, my friends had gathered at ng's house to wish me. and had made me a tevee star! haha.

it started with ng calling me on msn, i thought it was really weird, as we barely even chat on msn on a regular basis..and ng is calling me?! i thought the world was ending. and i had asked jennifer "why is ng calling me on msn...is she with you?" and jennifer said "no. why?" how stupid. but anyway, i answered ng's call. haha. and it was only yan and ng on the screen. i thought i did hear jennifer's voice behind.......haha. then ng covered the webcam with her hands, i thought she was making out with yan, not wanting me to see. oh well,.. . then when she removed her hand...jennifer, tee xin, jen yong, and of course, ng and yan, singing for me. it was hilarious. but also touching. =) thanks you all.

and very suprisingly, this year's birthday came with many other suprises. pleasant suprises. one thing that i thought was real awesomus was a 3 feet spongebob pinata. i had 3 cakes to make wishes, but one was virtual but real cake. haha. go figure.

anyway, i am very happy with this birthday. i guess i am finally 20. and when my mada wished me, she mentioned to see me as a "full grown lady". i told her she should not be very hopeful on that part. full grown + lady = too much to expect from little jane here. to those who hope i stay the krazy same, you have better chances than my mada. haha, i pity my mada, but i always try. we know that.

i miss being 19 already. 19 is like a baby, and suddenly, 20 is like so lau kok kok. anyway, now that i am 20, according to myself, i still have another 9 birthdays to celebrate.

my February did not start off quite well, but it proceeded with a bang, and i hope will end with a bigger bang. and for everyone too.

my life stopped telling stories.

has my life run out of stories to tell? my life had stopped telling stories.

for once, after i started to blog, i have no life's stories to share. (i don't know why i keep using the word, "life", but its as if more philosophical, so bear with me)for once, i have this brain block that i fail to generate stories that i think my fellow friends, also my once faithful readers, would find interest in reading.

i feel that i am too boring to be read. i feel un-janed. shocking. shocking.

what i see through my eyes, fails to come out as a story. and what i feel in my heart fails to be written in words.

and when i [temporarily] stopped blogging, i stopped reading my friends' blogs. and i feel so disconnected, so disconnected.. i feel so left behind, and just too juiced out to race all the way front. and hence, the total disconnection. keeping up seems like an endless effort, for a moment there, i needed to take a break and hid myself in the dark corner, between that two walls.

but today, the sunshine beamed down into that corner i was hiding.

past many weeks, although seemingly lost from the existance in my blog,i was still updated with the many happenings from home, eg. the Allah controversy and how convent taiping received some national media attention (youl), merentas desa from school........school's ketua pengawas campaign, my friends trip to Tambun sambil belajar ke Hospital Ipoh, sentral's new skating ring and oh bloody oh blaadahs.

Lastly, HAPPY FEBRUARY, people!

February sudahpun mari, jom sama-sama bernyanyi, berpesta berseri-seri, asal tak makan babi.

February comes the new year.

lone

i find myself alone
sitting in the dark night sky
the stars are the only friend
they are there but they are far
just like you

the condensed air of lonliness
cold harsh and silent
it gets harder and harder to breathe
by the thought of the distance you left
between you and i
its like the end of the road and little bit more

i accidentally tried to grasp your hand
but all i caught was empty

the earth finally made its final turn
celebration of sparks and lights
but i miss the fireworks of you and i
prettier than the ones in sight
but i shall settle for one less pretty

lonely as i am
i shelter in your joy



hey, people, what have we here, a new year? Happy New Year. a year you will fill it with jolly lollipops.