eejane's

:)

2011-06-22T10:14:00.000-07:00

It sometimes easy, at times so difficult, to hide vulnerableness.

I am, on the outside and inside, a joyful soul. When I laugh, I laugh my hardest, that is the only way to go for me. Laughter is by far the best of everything; the best entertainer, the best medicine, the best mask, the best way to shed a tear, the best way to put a smile on a crying face. :(

If I have the power to laugh, and make the others around me laugh, then why don't I share it? If I have plenty of joy to share, then why not? Laughing alone is equals to not laughing at all. And laughing with your best of friends beats winning a lottery.

But if only sorrow and sadness, and faaking pek chekness are as easily shared as laughter, then I guess life would be a tinsy bit better. It is suffocating.

Ask me how I was yesterday; I'd tell you I was fine. Ask me how I am today; I will always be fine. But know that I am sometimes lying to you.

"Pai Seh nia", said Jenn.

2011-06-08T06:02:00.000-07:00

I am not in a farny mood to write humor, I want to try to get this ugly fugly thoughts out of my head, but I cannot. But why bising so banyak, because in the end, I always end up writing something stupid, that tries to be farny, but this time, I am typing with a face quite straight.

Today was quite a day. I think I managed to pull my friends (not yet all of them) to the almost-ultimate-embarassment.

Cheah, Tee Xin and myself slept over at Jennifer's.

Cheah was already complaining that she was very sleepy since 12am. @1am, she was still saying that she was sleepy. @2am, still complaining. @3am, she says she wants to sleep already. @3:30am, she jemput us to sleep with her. @4am, she complained that her eyes were really heavy. and she wants to sleep. @4:30am, she was in the kitchen washing eggs. @5am, she was eating maggi curry with egg. @6am, lying down on the bed, she was. said that she has to sleep even for a bit, because apparently, she has been awake since 8am, the previous sunrise.

Jennifer? @12:15am: "wah, very hot ah my house". @12:30am: "omggggg, so hot. so hip. you all not hot one meh?" @1.00am: "so hot." @2am: "we just sleep on the floor la. more shi fook." @3am: "yo, hot lo." (fidgeting like a lizard drying up) @4am: walking about the house. @4.30am: cooking maggi curry for a crowd. @5am: eating maggi curry with egg (with egg SHELLS WASHED) @5.30am: "omg, its so hot, eyer, Jane, I see with the blanket, I hot for you. So hot I cannot sleep, I think this is one of the factor that I cannot sleep at night". @5:45am: "I think I cannot sleep already la". @6am: -sda-
(Jennifer ini memang perasan habis, nak berlagak badan langsing, ghairah tak pasal-pasal, yang semalaman menjerit yang dirinya hot.)

Tee Xin; @12:00am: pretend to read newspaper. @1:00am: staring at me and Cheah. @2:00am: pretending to take picture of us lying down on the floor. must be some keng kuai there. @3:00am: mabuk tidur. @4:00am: mabuk tidur. @4.30am: tyring to open the rempah packet for maggi curry. poor effort. @5:00am: eating maggi curry. @5.30am: falling in and out of sleep. (because Cheah keep kacauing her). @6:00am: fully loaded on pigciation.

@11:00am; after a very tireless effort to wake Cheah and Jennifer up, they finally surrendered to my consistency. after breakfast, after the morning gossip, I had decided for everyone that we were going to go out for a karaoke session as we were, meaning, as what we wore to sleep the last night, and as how we looked. Jennifer attempted a few times to change, but we guarded her well. But I fell nose down doing so. Pain.

@4:30pm; we finished our karaoke session, in our pajamas and we were hungewwwy! Also because, another friend, Aurora Lim, aka Siew Yong complained that she needed to eat right away, so we went to Taiping Sentral for McDonalds. :) Cheah walked about Sentral bare footed. Oh, the public attention.

And thanks to Jennifer, she had to wear a Convent tshirt, with a BIG BUTT Convent logo on it.

No photos. But I will have it.

Okla.

my kind of farny

2011-04-10T23:27:00.000-07:00

last night, a bunch of Malaysians got together to have a barbeque dinner. no porks, just chikins; no alcohol, just coca-cola. as we sat, to eat, and to talk about the tiring week we had, it slowly got too boring. we had to crack something up.

characters: Hani, Zuhrah (the girl that tries to maintain her lady elegance, but fails at times), Jell, Jane (you know best), Tearus, Darick and Ezriq (the almighty blur one).

Jell decided so tell us a joke her brada shared with her a few days ago;

Jell: so there is this boob competition...
Ezriq: what what competition?
Jell: boob.
Ezriq: huh?
Zuhrah: (all impatient and all) TEK TEK!! TEK TEK tahu tak??
Jane: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAsnortsnortBAHAHAHAHAHAHsnort!!!
Hani, Jell, Tearus, Darick, Ezriq: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Ezriq: tahu tahu tahu..(penuh insaf)
*background, Jane was still laughing uncontrollably*
Zuhrah: (noticing that it came out a lil bit too kasar) ehem, ehem. ok ok. i take it back. i tarik balik.
Jell: ....payudara...
*Jane burst out laughing again* [no seriously, its been a while, since i've heard of payudara]
Zuhrah: ok Jane ok. breathe in breathe out..
Jell: ok. so there is this tektek competition, boobs competition la..whatever.competition for the biggest boobs. so when they announce, "pemenang tempat ketiga...sizenya sebesar papaya..." and "pemenang tempat kedua sizenya sebesar tembikai, and then finally.."pemenang tempat pertama...sizenya sebesar oren.."
*everyone huh*
Jell: ....tapi itu hanya size putingnya...
*everyone burst out in tears*

next is a racist joke, but we took precautions since we were outside, laughing so publicly, therefore we told it in BM, which i thought was even funnier..

"ada seorang lelaki hitam dilanggar kereta mati. jadi dia pun tumbuhlah sayap, seperti malaikat, dan lalu ke syurga..setibanya di syurga, dengan penuh kegembiraan, dia bertembung dengan tuhan, katanya kepada tuhan, "sinilah saya, sebagai malaikat..", dan tuhan pun berkata kepadanya, "awak bukan malaikat la, awak adalah seekor kelawar, pergilah!"

asian - chinese joke;

"do you know how chinese people name their children? - they take their kitchen utensils and throw them down the stair. and thats how you get, ping pong piang, cling clong cliang, cheng hui san, beng su ping.."

probably all this is only farny to me. haha. oh well.

restroom sense.

2011-03-24T02:07:00.000-07:00

(blow, pooofff, poooofffff, this dusty old heck.)

I am writing this as a very pathetic birthday present (or actually a motivational excuse to update my blog) for Jennifer. She said that she had been reading my blog again and again, 185 posts, until she had memorized them, how greatly exaggerated, but I'll buy it. I am sure I've lost all my readers, but hey, lets start all over again. Alright. What I am about to write is something that I've had in my head a long long time. In fact, I think about writing it almost everyday, at least, one time a day. Haha. You'll know.

So, people, what do you do, besides releasing your waste, while in the restroom? Maybe this only relates to the girls, because boys usually don't sit, unless there is a major project (or if you are gay). Well, I don't know about you all girls, but I do many observations, and I have some experiences to share; life learning lessons to share.

Firstly, whenever you go to the public restrooms, choose the cubicle without the flouresant light shining right over it. Seriously, that is very important, because the cubicles with lights shining right over, cast the darkest shadow, ehem, hence, ehem, whatever that you do, and or have, I don't know, you know, can be seen clearly by the person beside you (who is gonna be me). And notice, public restrooms usually do not have the joining side walls all the way down to the floor, it usually hangs a few centimeters high. So ya, shadow actions can be seen..can can. Am I starting to creep you out now?
Another thing, if you have a major bowel locomotion, be it solid or gaseous, do not spread your legs so wide that the person next to your cubicle can see your shoe. Do not. Because you know, if that person next to you is me, you know that when you come out from the restroom, I'd be there spotting that shoe to see how the sound of your bowel locomotion matches with that pretty face. Have some common restroom sense, really. Unless you really don't care for your dignity. Oh, boy, dignity. I will always remember that face, and that shoe.

If you need to gas bomb, pull the trigger before you sit on the bowl. Because, the shape of the bowl, in simple imagineer physics, you know, causes echo, therefore, amplifies the sound. And you really don't want the force of the air to push the toilet bowl water upwards and wetting your bum bums, that would be quite nasty.

Oh, also, if you are carrying any bag, hang it, do not put it on the floor, because I can also see it. If I don't see your shoe, I'd see your bag, they are both very spot-able. Besides, its really more hygiene to hang it.

Lastly, do not do your finishing touches near the crack of the door, yes, it is only a thin crack, but a thin crack is still a crack. If you are gonna spend an hour in the restroom, try avoiding your face, or possibly your whole self, to be visible through the door crack, is it not embarassing? Cause I'd go, "Hey, that is my classmate taking a hard poop." I know, I know, pooping is natural, its human, but still society classifies pooping as an unsocietal action, you are supposedly not suppose to do it in public. So yeah, do it at home. Then you are safe from people like me, or me.

So now you know, what I do when I am in the restroom. I listen and I observe. But no, I am not a perv, though I sound like it. Haha.

So, here Jenn, Happy Birthday. tehee.

2010-08-02T12:56:00.000-07:00

di manakah wajah,
di manakah suara?
di manakah khabar,
di manakah semua?

dalam gelap
kedengaran sepi
kuatnya bunyi sunyi
menganggunya sanubari.

di manakah kebenaran
di manakah keberanian?
di manakah kepastian
di manakah senyuman?

dalam diam
fikiran berkeliharan
semangat terpendam
keluhan berpanjangan.

redhanya rela
pahitnya rasa
sejuknya perasaan
ini kebenaran.

ubat pilu.

2010-07-29T12:07:00.000-07:00

inilah saat yang saya amat memerlukan untuk menulis blog. selama selepas semboyan berbunyi, tidak pernah lagi saya merasa sebegini. penulisan blog seakan mengubati hati yang serba pilu. hanya malam itu, terasanya perasaan pilu dan sedih.

ajal semakin tiba buat saya. walaupun masih lagi ada beberapa hari di depan mata, tapi sudah tentu, hari-hari yang akan mendatang, pasti berlalu dengan sekelip mata, tanpa bunyi, tanpa suara.

setiap kali bila menjelang hari-hari terakhir, setiap kali saya mengeluh tanpa habis-habisan. tapi siapa yang sebenarnya mendengar keluhan ini? sendiri ajalah. siapa yang benar-benar memahami perasaan gelap ini? ah, susah hendak diluahkan, apatah lagi untuk dikongsi.

bilakah akan saya sedari dan bilakah akan dapat saya menyesuaikan diri dengan realiti ini? perlukah saya melalui kepiluan ini setiap kali berpisah? rindu yang terpendam dalam hati susah untuk dibuang.

biarkanlah. tidak terdaya walaupun apa.

SEMBOYAN BERBUNYI KUAT.

2010-05-15T16:36:00.000-07:00

IT IS THE TIME OF YEAR AGAIN! SUMMER HOTNESS. SUMMER GILANESS. AND MOST OF ALL SUMMER KEBAHAGIAAN. KINI AKAN BERMULA. BIAR SISA-SISA HARIKU BERMULA.

p/s i know. since February. i hope fella friends and readers would stay tuned. thanks for the loyalty.

my February.

2010-02-21T18:13:00.000-08:00

February is and has been a busy month this year. many events coincidently falls on February. February never fails to entertain. because its my month.

for this year, the Chinese New Year is also Love's Day. too bad for some love birds. gotta stay home with the family to celebrate the new year's but its ok, everyday can be love day. but sure hope everyday is not family day, now thats die-able! haha.

and for me and my bunch of friends, February comes with an extra event - a 2 days party. though we have not literally tried partying for 48 hours straight, but we should, one day! its my two other best friends' birthday on the 18th and mine on the 19th. for this year, i am glad and of course, very envious, my friends had had a good celebration. they had a star gazing party, how about a change! that was a pretty nice idea. and yan promised that when i come back, we would star gaze on her roof. i hope she remembers her words. and then on my birthday, my friends had gathered at ng's house to wish me. and had made me a tevee star! haha.

it started with ng calling me on msn, i thought it was really weird, as we barely even chat on msn on a regular basis..and ng is calling me?! i thought the world was ending. and i had asked jennifer "why is ng calling me on msn...is she with you?" and jennifer said "no. why?" how stupid. but anyway, i answered ng's call. haha. and it was only yan and ng on the screen. i thought i did hear jennifer's voice behind.......haha. then ng covered the webcam with her hands, i thought she was making out with yan, not wanting me to see. oh well,.. . then when she removed her hand...jennifer, tee xin, jen yong, and of course, ng and yan, singing for me. it was hilarious. but also touching. =) thanks you all.

and very suprisingly, this year's birthday came with many other suprises. pleasant suprises. one thing that i thought was real awesomus was a 3 feet spongebob pinata. i had 3 cakes to make wishes, but one was virtual but real cake. haha. go figure.

anyway, i am very happy with this birthday. i guess i am finally 20. and when my mada wished me, she mentioned to see me as a "full grown lady". i told her she should not be very hopeful on that part. full grown + lady = too much to expect from little jane here. to those who hope i stay the krazy same, you have better chances than my mada. haha, i pity my mada, but i always try. we know that.

i miss being 19 already. 19 is like a baby, and suddenly, 20 is like so lau kok kok. anyway, now that i am 20, according to myself, i still have another 9 birthdays to celebrate.

my February did not start off quite well, but it proceeded with a bang, and i hope will end with a bigger bang. and for everyone too.

my life stopped telling stories.

2010-01-30T15:50:00.000-08:00

has my life run out of stories to tell? my life had stopped telling stories.

for once, after i started to blog, i have no life's stories to share. (i don't know why i keep using the word, "life", but its as if more philosophical, so bear with me)for once, i have this brain block that i fail to generate stories that i think my fellow friends, also my once faithful readers, would find interest in reading.

i feel that i am too boring to be read. i feel un-janed. shocking. shocking.

what i see through my eyes, fails to come out as a story. and what i feel in my heart fails to be written in words.

and when i [temporarily] stopped blogging, i stopped reading my friends' blogs. and i feel so disconnected, so disconnected.. i feel so left behind, and just too juiced out to race all the way front. and hence, the total disconnection. keeping up seems like an endless effort, for a moment there, i needed to take a break and hid myself in the dark corner, between that two walls.

but today, the sunshine beamed down into that corner i was hiding.

past many weeks, although seemingly lost from the existance in my blog,i was still updated with the many happenings from home, eg. the Allah controversy and how convent taiping received some national media attention (youl), merentas desa from school........school's ketua pengawas campaign, my friends trip to Tambun sambil belajar ke Hospital Ipoh, sentral's new skating ring and oh bloody oh blaadahs.

Lastly, HAPPY FEBRUARY, people!

February sudahpun mari, jom sama-sama bernyanyi, berpesta berseri-seri, asal tak makan babi.

February comes the new year.

lone

2010-01-01T15:00:00.000-08:00

i find myself alone
sitting in the dark night sky
the stars are the only friend
they are there but they are far
just like you

the condensed air of lonliness
cold harsh and silent
it gets harder and harder to breathe
by the thought of the distance you left
between you and i
its like the end of the road and little bit more

i accidentally tried to grasp your hand
but all i caught was empty

the earth finally made its final turn
celebration of sparks and lights
but i miss the fireworks of you and i
prettier than the ones in sight
but i shall settle for one less pretty

lonely as i am
i shelter in your joy

hey, people, what have we here, a new year? Happy New Year. a year you will fill it with jolly lollipops.

a phone call, that phone call.

2009-12-04T21:31:00.000-08:00

oh, dear. severe abandonment of the blog.
XX

have you ever felt rapid heart beat when making a phone call because this is the first time you attempted the call? and because the person behind that phone makes your heart pulsate at 101 times per minute?

i have.

and after dialing 33 numbers, the long pause on the phone before it starts ringing, makes the anxiety peak. and when it starts to ring, the mind lose its control due to nervous breakdown, the mind runs wild, trying to make up itself, what to utter after 'hello'. and in every, "tuuuut tut...tuuuut tut" the hearts beats with its rhythmic sound. high and low.

probably many have experienced that krazy gushing feeling.

but how you ever felt the sheer dissapointment when after a long awaiting of the ringing, the one that answers the call is nobody but the voicemail. again. and again. 3 buckets of water into a tiny fire of bravery. all that was left was ashes of discouragement. all the anxiousness, nervousness, excitement drained out in a vertical plummet.

probably beginner's luck failed. allocating a second surge of encouragement and bravery to pick up the phone and dial a string of 33 numbers. resulted in nothing but an endless ringing tone. never been picked up. no voice. no life. no hope.

that is when emotions unleash themselves without control.

and probably third is the final attempt. guess what, there was the voice. there was the life, there was the hope. but the voice the life the hope, could not hear the voice on this line. how many hellos does it take to finally tell you that, "1 time or 10 times, if it can't hear, it can't hear, quit being a parrot"? well, i guess, 4? hear and not be heard. thats the best it can only go.

this phone call..

smat jatra, gu.

2009-11-04T13:06:00.000-08:00

do you remember how back in Convent Kota, on those blue Mondays assemblies, when the guru besar would be giving her speech, or when during those after-recess lectures or even in-class soul-searching-aimlessly sessions, the teachers would stress and stress time and time again, that, "ada di kalangan kamu yang sangat sombong. bila berjalan lalu dengan cikgu, jalan saja, tak pun berhenti untuk ucap cikgu, 'selamat sejahtera'. lain kali, kalau lalu depan cikgu, ucaplah selamat sejahtera.."

such great emphasis had had psychological effect on us. constantly trying to prove those teachers and their statements wrong, we would ucap. in the long corridor of Convent Kota, as soon as we see a vague image of a walking teacher, or a shadow of an approaching teacher, or when we hear the creepy footsteps of a teacher getting louder and louder, we would automatically put on wide smile eyes open wide and cute and tongue all set in the position to utter, 'se...'.

so much so that the culture is so deeply engraved in us that, although we do not want to ucap, but it comes out uncontrollably. the smile, the cute wide eyes and the selamat sejahtera, cikgu. dalam hati kata, 'malasnyerr nak bukak mulut.' tapi ekpsresi muka tetap senyum, tetap 'selamat pagi, cikgu.'

not only do we ucap every teacher we meet along the corridor, we give a lil cute bow. like those of japanese culture. what more can you ask from a bunch of young untamed pupils? a bow and a nod and ucapan? too good to be true.

when in menengah Convent, teachers never had problems with us Convent Kota because we are so [too] well-trained. but the ucapan has evolved. from 'selamat sejahtera cikgu', to 'smat jahtra gu' and a nod of the head, but eyes looking through the teacher.

as teenagers, we tend to not want to follow commands, whatmore to be asked to ucap cikgu bila bertemu di koridor sekolah. but see, we still do it, though may not be as precise as we used to do it in Convent Kota, but we still do it. it is like you cannot not urinate when shitting. thus, when our eyes spot a teacher, the mind automatically tells us to ucap, senyum, without consciousness.

but then you see, i believe that this is not a culture widely practiced in other schools, though to us, it seem like a common culture. we are indeed so obedient and i dare say that if we were asked and molded to ucap, smile, bow and end it with a curtsy, we would, until we are 17!

Pemandangan indah.

2009-11-03T15:09:00.000-08:00

Jatuh
-lagu nyanyian Adam.

(dipapar di blog Jennifuck)

"Di manakah pemandangan terindah di dunia?
Puas ku cari setelah jauh melangkah
Hingga takdir menyuluh ke arah mu
Ku temu pemandangan itu terlakar di wajahmu

Dengan setiap renungan
Terpesona ku rasakan
Dengan setiap belaianmu hati makin tersentuh

Oh kasih, oh kasih
Ku berterima kasih
Padamu kerana menyempurnai hidupku

Dalam berjuta-jutaan lagu
Tiada satupun dapat menenteramkan kalbu
Melainkan bila kau menyebut
Ke telinga bahawa kau juga sayang padaku

Dengan setiap lafaz kata
Harapan makin menyinar
Untuk kita bersama membina hidup bahagia"

balasan saya:

Pandangan Mata Dia

pemandangan yang indah nun bahagia,

bersinar secerah cahaya,

berkilauan lalu memukau saya,

pemandangan itu pandangan mata dia.

jika dunia sudah saya terokai,

dari timur ke barat saya menjelajahi,

beribu-ribu manusia saya temui,

tetapi hanya pandangan mata dia saya ingati.

pandangan mata itu mengajar saya

erti bahagia,

pandangan mata itu sempurna;

tiada lain yang setanding dengannya.

pandangan dia berwarna perang,

tegas, manis dan sentiasa tenang,

memekarkan hati bila dikenang,

hingga lain kali saya didatangi peluang.

uncontrolled lust

2009-10-27T18:30:00.000-07:00

i write i must
to fulfill my lust
my lust to find words that rhyme.
the writings i write
may not mean right
because its only for sight.
xx

everyday I sit and I stare,
as I swing against the summer breeze,
into the cloud and into the flare,
taking a moment to finally breathe.

thoughts make a mess,
into my head they ingress,
puzzling, confusing, as can be,
one thing is clear to me -
it is you I miss.

when winter nears,
and leaves disappear,
neither the cold nor wind,
could blow you off my mind.
its like you are here, tight and bind.

I know, I truly know,
I stand alone in the cold.
with nothing but a broken sock.
because I hold on to that thought,
only to never be missed back.

but here I am, higher and higher I swing,
deeper and deeper I fall in esthetic,
the blank spiral of self empathy,
trying not to be dramatic,
only trying to express this feeling.

Rindu

2009-10-16T10:53:00.000-07:00

rindu ini tidak pernah padam,
selama saya bisa bernafas,
perasaan ini akan dipendam,
dalam hati tanpa batas.

rindu kian puncak,
pada tanggal saya bakal pergi,
didatangi halangan yang banyak,
perasaan pedih datang menemani.

dalam diam, saya bertanya,
adakah ini takdir tuhan?
haruskah saya terima
yang semua ini adalah pilihan?

waktu ke waktu,
dalam sabar, saya menunggu,
dalam sayu,
masih dipegang bunga matahari yang layu.

bila malam menjelang,
dibiarkan dalam kebingungan,
kesedihan bertakung,
air mata terbeku dalam keraguan.

rindu membawa senyuman manis,
kerana ia bukti belaian kasih,
seperti pemandangan riang dilukis,
pada kertas putih yang bersih.

tetapi merindu bukan sepenuhnya sempurna,
ada juga suka dan duka,
seperti di taman bunga yang berwarna-warni,
tetapi bunga penuh berduri-duri.

kisah rindu saya berakhir di sini,
pada pagi saya bertolak pergi,
hanya suara yang dapat didengari,
rindu yang terpaksa disimpan selama setahun lagi.

yang sebenar-benarnya adalah kebetulan,
tidak dapat ditolak, dielak,
mungkin ini satu ujian,
menjadikan pertemuan lebih istimewa kelak.

xx

(note to ezen: inilah hasil daripada perbualan kita.)

i write no reason.

2009-10-11T13:53:00.000-07:00

ATTACHMENT. is my problem. and when attachment is a problem, DETACHMENT makes it another problem.

"The moment you get too attached to things, people, money... you screw it up."

"The challenge of life is to appreaciate everything and attach yourself to nothing."

Andrew Matthews, "Happiness in a Nutshell". page 10.

i don't know to what extend do i agree with Matthews, the happiness expert, on the first quote. but i have to agree that it is indeed a challenge to not attach myself to things/people.

though, i guess Mattews quote applies generally on people, tending to screw up something they are overly attached to. but i think that a great attachment would instead screw you up when even the slightest change takes place. and with that said, accustoming to a certain change and to have acceptance of that change makes another challenge.

and to have acceptance to change is to have openess for new things.

and all are actually impossibilities. i am no James Bond, nor Tom Cruise.

does no attachment make you appreciate things as much as attachment, or less or more? what are the indication of no attachment?

is attachment being able to let go of things just by a snap of a finger? because that is what i cannot do. letting go of things/people/past with a snap of a finger. or in fact a thousand snaps of a finger.

no attachment is suppose to bring more happiness. i say that is myth. because in every false there could be truth.

so what the hell. what did i accomplish in this post? nothing but a self-satisfying logical falacy.

i want to not feel the dilemma of attachment but not willing to accept no attachment.

uncensored and uncut, uneditted.

2009-10-08T23:02:00.000-07:00

suatu hari di kelas 5Sc1, dalam tahun 2007.

hari yang cerah. sudah kian mendekati loceng tamat sekolah. guru-guru sibuk dengan agenda sendiri - mesyuarat dan mesyuarat lagi. anak-anak murid tidak terduduk diam, di mana ada kerusi, di situ tiada punggung. dan kelas hari ini kehilangan seorang yang penting...

semua ini membawa kepada hasil contengan di papan putih. berikut adalah apa yang tercatat:

xxx

Dialog hari ini...

orange: eh, kenapa masubing tiada di kelas hari ini?

blue: kawan karib saya masih x putus asa untuk lulus dalam lesen tu. tapi saya masih ragu2.

orange: awak ada mendoakan kejayaannya dalam mencipta rekod 4 kali fail tak?

red: saya x seburuk orange. saya berdoa agar dia lulus juga suatu hari nanti. agaknya, berapa % kegagalan pada kali ini?

orange: maths saya memang tak baik tapi dengan maths-yg-bodoh brains, saya dapat calculate yg % kegagalan > % kelulusan. btw, red, ya la, awak doa kat tuhan apa? tiada tuhan yang boleh menolongnya. dan tiada tuhan yang boleh mengampun kebodohan memandunya.

blue: saya setuju dengan orange. saya bangga dengan pencapaian kegagalannya setakat ini, tapi saya yakin dia akan gagal lagi. jadi saya lebih bangga. red doakan apa?

red: saya doakan supaya esok masubing datang ke sekolah dengan senyuman.

green: teruknya. tapi saya suka dan saya rasa punca kegagalan masubing kerana dia suka sambil TB sambil pandu kereta.

orange: haha...anda pembaca semua tahu apa itu TB? kalau tak tahu tidak mengapa. tetapi salah satu faktor besarnya, masubing suka akan tabiat itu...jadi blue, anda sebagai kawan karibnya tolonglah masubing buang tabiat TBnya yang buruk itu.

blue: ala, orange. biarkanlah dia dengan tabiat TBnya itu. saya tak mahu mengubah dirinya yang sebenar.

orange: tukar bagi kebaikannya. untuk pass ujian memandu je. selepas itu, biarkanlah dia TB. saya suka bila dia TB, saya akan dapat tengok dan gelak.

xxx
copyright reserved.

segalanya yang telah dikonversi telah disokong oleh para rakan, dengan kehadiran tanda-tanda tangan yang ternampak di gambar.

kejadian itu juga telah mengambil tempat 56 hari sebelum percubaan SPM '07. jadi bolehlah anda sekalian membayangkan keriuh-rendahan yang mampu berlaku.

sehabis itu, muncullah si dia yang hilang dari kelas. kami memandang antara satu sama lain, diam, terpegun menanti berita dari si dia. sementara si penakut sedang sibuk memadam papan. diam di luar, tetapi saya tahu, dalam lubuk hati setiap orang di kelas ada terfikir tentang catatan di atas papan tadi..

dan beritanya........................................................................

Snow Patrol.

2009-10-07T22:02:00.001-07:00

two days and i can still feel the every beat of my heart pulsating to the beat of the drums. the electrical vibe with every plug of the guitar. and the deafening good music booming against the eardrum.

small stage, front line.

but alone.

did not bothered taking a camera along, as i planned to just enjoy the show. had other people to do the job. the above video, titled, "The Lightning Strike" from their A Hundred Million Suns album.

Gary Lightbody, the lead vocalist, thanked Austin, TX for coming out that evening instead of Houston, TX. bum. but he made it up with back to back incredible songs, "Make This Go On Forever" and "Run", while apologizing. followed by "Chasing Cars". he then got the crowd participating in "Shut Your Eyes".

check out "make this go on forever snow patrol" video in the related link to see Lightbody in his act. and how he called himself a dickhead.

The Plain White Ts were their opening act. they were pretty good, just that i did not know any of their songs, except "Hey There Delilah" and "1234" which were both performed. But "Sunlight" was the best.

it was tiring. had to stand from 630-7 for the doors to open. 7-8 for the show to start. and 8-1030 for the show to finally end. standing was not the major tiring part, it was waiting alone that was tiring.

at the back of me i had two indian girls verbal fighting with a white boy over the word, 'genitalia' and in front of me i had two women kissing everytime their favourite songs were playing.

check out the videos. but of course, the videos uphold no justice for the actual performance.

so people, if Snow Patrol come crusing in the town near to you, do not miss them.

a sudden urge to rhyme.

2009-10-01T14:42:00.000-07:00

Pelangi cantik berwarna-warni,
di belakangi langit dan awan berkelihatan mati.
walau di luar semuanya nampak berseri,
tapi pandangan matamu ternyata ada perit di hati.

siapa saya untuk menasihati,
apakah daya saya untuk mengubati?
yang pasti,
saya akan sentiasa berada di sisi.

Dalam berjuta-juta kata,
hanya akan saya bertuturkan bahagia.
hati tidak pernah terlupa,
kepada beliau yang membawa citra.

tangan yang memegang bunga matahari,
mungkin tidak akan abadi,
ingatannya mungkin setakat begini,
tetapi saya bersyukur dengan segala yang pernah saya miliki.

kesempurnaan yang hadir tanpa disedari,
terduduknya di atas kerusi,
hari demi hari,
menjadi lain erti.

Lautan bergelora nun biru,
destinasi kini menjadi bisu,
terjauh pandangan bertukar rindu,
fikiran sentiasa bercelaru.

Tidak terbaca situasi selepas bertahun-tahun,
moga masih wujud walaupun sudah berkurun-kurun.

Ini anugerah teristimewa,
dengan ia saya dilemas bahagia.

xx

mungkinhariinikubukansaya

2009-09-24T20:29:00.000-07:00

kekadang hidup penuh susah, saya hendak melepaskannya. ada masa ia begitu cantik, saya menggenggamnya dengan ketat sekali. hari mungkin tidak harus sentiasa cerah, kerana kelamaan, cerah tidak menjadi makna lagi, oleh itu, kegelapan harus diterima juga. seringkali, tiada kata yang mampu memperbaiki satu-satu kesakitan, satu-satu kesedihan, satu-satu kehilangan, hanya simpati bersama bahu dan telinga menjadi resipi yang paling sesuai. mencuba untuk memahami, untuk bertoleransi. saya amat berpuas hati, berkontensi dan bersyukur dengan segalanya yang saya sudah miliki, yang sudah saya mampu miliki. walaupun sedikit tetapi tetap ada, tetap wujud. semua yang saya lalui ini tidak ternilai keistimewaannya. peluang yang saya telah dikurniakan akan tetap dihargai sampai ke hujung hayat. kalau semua ini mampu berlangsung untuk selama-lamanya, akan saya sentiasa di situ untuk merasanya, tanpa ada ragu. tetapi kalau semua ini akan berhenti, saya juga tetap akan menerimanya dengan hati berbunga matahari. kerana semua benda tidak ada abadi. walaupun rindu sentiasa datan bersama derita. tetapi derita bersama rindu memberi peluang kita memberi kasih dan menerima sayang. hidup tidak boleh walau bagaimanapun menjadi sempurna di atas kemahuan kita. tetapi itulah cubaan yang kita perlu tempuhi. umpama kalau tiada malam, tiada akan ada pagi. waktu tidak dapat dipatah balik, jadi, jangan sesekali menyesali langkah kita. menghargai setiap saat yang ada. setiap kata yang boleh ditutur kepadanya. tarikh luput masing-masing adalah tidak berbau.

Charlie Chaplin - Modern times part 1/9

2009-09-24T19:32:00.001-07:00

Charlie Chap Chaplin.
have a good laugh, because it's farrrrrrny alright.

2009-09-20T12:14:00.000-07:00

Salam Lebaran & Salam Aidilfitri.

kepada semua warga Malaysia,

di sekitar dunia.

"the price of pleasure."

2009-09-16T12:44:00.000-07:00

not shopping.

but pornography.

yesterday, after english class, i was ready to go home. nap..lunch..sun... . as i was passing the Eagle Hall, my steps came to a hault - human traffic jam. i looked throught the crowd and on the wide screen, plastered against the wall of the hall, it said, "The Price of Pleasure: pornography, sexuality and relationships." ah, no wonder. so, i decided to join the crowd. signed in. took my seat and anticipated. it was full house.

what was, was a professor in journalism from University of Texas, Dr. Robert Jensen, was invited to the school for a showing of a film (more like documentary to me) titled, "The Price of Pleasure". yah. Dr. Jensen has been studying on the issue of pornography in the american culture of the past 20 years and he had also consulted in the making of the film. he also wrote a book on pornography.

before the filming of the documentary, Dr. Jensen adviced that there would be explicits scenes in the documentary. he also mentioned that images that would be shown maybe hard to swallow by some - because many people in the hall may never have seen pornography. i thought he said that with some sarcasm, but i may be wrong. because he then followed to share that according to his close study, 99.9% of men in america watches/watched pornos or sexual materials of somekind. i was shocked, that is a serious number.

but anyway, i thought, what the hell, it cannot be that bad, that explicit so make me sick. though mind you, i have never exposed my eyes to any of such material. it is that i very rarely can be made sick.

if i were to tell what i see throughout the 52 minutes of filming, i would fail badly. but i would share some shocking facts i've learned and disturbing images i saw. but mind what i am about to write...

so, did you know that pornography is a 10-14 billion dollars industry? it is more than the NFL, NBA and MLB put together. (american Football, Basketball and Baseball respectively. the three biggest-most popular sport in america).
the most popular pornography is violence. and the two most popular violent act in pornography are choking and gagging. do you know how gagging occurs? yes, when doing orally, the penis would stick so deep down the throat of the woman that it would trigger gagging. and that is how the men achieve pleasure. choking the woman while intercourse was suppose to be very arrousing.
there is award shows for porn stars. prestigous award ceremony. i don't want to know what category they have and i am glad the film did not tell. "25 years ago, we were in the cheapest hotel in Las Vegas, and after 25 years, and where are we? - in the most expensive hotel in Las Vegas."
a porn star was telling about her market prices. there are girl-to-girl scenes, man-to-her scenes and mEn-to-her scenes all at different price. the max is one in the mouth, one in the vagina and two in the anal (or maybe three) = $13,000.
ATM. not Automatic Teller Machine. it is Anal To Mouth. i chose not to describe but do your math. "you are practically eating shit."
every year, there are about 100,000 women auditioning to land a role in the pornography scene.
'A-list' porn stars earns millions just by selling sex toys of their duplicate body parts.
Harvard and University of Chicago have their own porn magazine.
there are granny pornos and also pregnant women pornos. child animated pornos.
...

above are all i hope i remember. images were super, extremely, entirely, absolutely, disturbing, sickening. though blurred. one was a man and a woman scened in the toilet, the woman leaning againt the toilet bowl. and [probably] when the man was at his peak of orgy, he pushed the head of the woman into the bowl - into the water and then flushed. scenes of women gagging and one scene of how women are made to gag were the worst.

i definately did not anticipated all that. i was at the egde. i could feel last night's fried rice up to my throat. i had to look away.it is just no joke. and it was mentioned during the disccussion with the professor that the film was only the tip of the iceberg. i cannot imagine neither would i want to know what lies beneath the water?

i am sorry if i might have made you feel like how i felt. if i had that power. but i had to let it out my chest.

the world is so sick.

SUE ME!

2009-09-11T08:32:00.000-07:00

ME AGAINST THE STATE.

sociology

2009-09-03T19:09:00.000-07:00

so for this semester in college, i took sociology, introduction to sociology - study of human behaviours and beyond. though i only attended 4 classes, but the moment i flipped through the text book, i knew i was gonna like the subject/class. and very fortunately, i guess i did not pick the wrong professor. the vital essence of my interest.

anyhooo, i wanted to share the basic 3 perspectives in sociology. i find them very interesting, as they are things that only people so free are able to sit down and think, and come up with such perspectives. well, ya, there are people like that, if not, there would not be a sociology to even begin with. and bla bla bla..

the first is, Functionalist.
- in the theory/perspective of functionalist, is that everything in the society has a function. EVERYTHING. for example, crime, which we all know is bad, but in the perspective of a functionalist, its something benefitting to the society, because it then provides jobs for police, or for security companies, whatever. terrorism, for that matter, helps control population, diseases to helps control population, creates job for doctors, scienstist,... nothing is just bad for the society. meaning, anything that benefits even the smallest group in society, then it is good, it is functional.
- everything in society is interdependant. for example;

..school <--> restaurant <--> hospital <--> airport...

there has to be school to create doctors for the hospital, there has to be restaurant to make food poisoning to have people going to the hospital and airport for better education and it goes on..

- society is always at equilibrium, and if something out of the norm happens, society will be disequlibriumed and then come back to stability, will acquire to the situation and then achieve equilibrium.

-----equilibrium-----~~~disequilibrium~~~-----back to stability----

- functionalist also believe in manifest function which is open and obvious. and product of manifest function is latent function.

eg. we all pay for college to get education (manifest,obvious) and because we go to college, we met the love of our life (latent).

the second is, Conflict.

- believes that humans are full of tension, always in a struggle and society is full of competition.

- wealth, power, prestige - are what society strives for. don't think big, even the most innocent and simple idea of pursuing education, is a way of striving for power/wealth/prestige.

conflict is pretty much self-explanatory.

the third is, Symbolic Interactions.

- symbols.

one word. symbolic interaction meaning society is all about judging one another by symbols. the shoes you where, the way you walk, the way you stride, your jimmy not choo's, your wheels and ya...symbols. very subjective and based on own interpretations.

the 3 perspectives are very different in their own way. like a venn diagram, the over-lapping sections - there are also similarities.

so i ask, what do you think? what do you think society is mainly comprise of? why?

i am a believer of conflict. definately. people never stop struggling, from day one of birth till the last breath, will then you put a full stop to suffering. everything revolves around struggle and suffer. to be in constant tension and competitive mode, is a form of struggle. to always greed for more wealth and good things even though you already own too much is a sruggle because the thought of wanting more, of trying to get more...kills you. you might disagree, but i think it is the truth and it is the reality, no matter how not you think you are not, you are suffering. you are competing in someway, you are... .

look around.

MERDEKA!

2009-08-30T15:42:00.000-07:00

Salam Berbanyak Merdeka, kepada Para Warga Malaysia Dan Negaraku, Malaysia.

Tanggal 31, Bulan 8, 57, Hari Yang Mulia, Hari Bahagia, Sambut Dengan Jiwa Yang Merdeka.

Hari Ini, Tanggal 31, Bulan 8, 09, Ulang Tahun Kemerdekaan Negara Malaysia Yang Ke-52. Sudahpun Kita Semau Sebagai Warga Malaysia, Tinggal Bersatu Bersama-sama Selama 52 Tahun. Dan Untuk Kali Yang Ke-52, Marilah Kita Bersama-sama Melaung MERDEKA! Merdeka! Merdeka! Dalam Nada Yang Paling Patriotik Dan Bersyukur Atas Keamanan Negara Kita.

Seperti Kata Seorang Cikgu, Kemerdekaan Bukan Hanya Saja Disambut Tetapi Ia Patut Dihayati.

Benar Sungguh. Dan Untuk Saya, Akan Saya Hayati Kemesraan Antara Satu Kaum Dengan Kaum Yang Lain Di Negara Ini. Sebagaimana Isu negatif Kaum Ditekankan Dalam Media, Tetapi Pada Hatiku, Dan Pada Mataku, Dan Dalam Duniaku, Perkauman Adalah Satu Harta Negara Ini Yang Tidak Harus Dimusnahkan.

Hayatilah Juga Lagu Ini...

xxx

in a big picture, we may be divided and ruled, but in a small picture, i see every face with a smile, be it what you are and where you come from. we are Malaysians.

happy 52th independence day, Malaysia.

xxx

SAYA ANAK MALAYSIA.

#2

2009-08-23T16:32:00.000-07:00

i was back, living Ekspidisi Bahagia 64 days and 63 nights. i will give or take about 15 nights that was spent away from Taiping, leaving 48 nights in Taiping. and for every 48 nights, i dare say, there is absolutely no one night that i spent at home, slumped on the couch, watching tevee.

in that 48 nights, quite possibly 28 nights were spent in none other than, Siang Malam. Siang Malam is one place like no other. the ambience and the experience of Siang Malam, you can get no where. sitting just an inch away from the traffic by the road side while sipping to a cup of kopi-o-peng and enjoying a plate or more of mouth-watering char kuey teow and chee cheong fan. sipping to a cup of kopi-o-peng whilst talking about what happened during the day, catching up on the town's hottest gossip, hear conversation from the next table, and of course, talking about kebahagiaan.

spending so much time in Siang Malam, i could not help but make friends with my kopi-o-peng maker. the stall in between the chee cheong fan and the wantanmee-currymee-kueyteowteng-and-more stall. that stall is run by herself and her mother and on weekends, her father comes to help. the father - the botak man. anyway, i do not mean to be rude, neither offensive but this kopi-o-peng maker, speaks like as if her nose is pinched real tight (is there a word to describe this?), therefore, sometimes its really difficult to understand her. or like how i call it in hokkien, ee-oo.

one night, Cheah came to overnight at my house, which is unchaperoned. so we got to spend our night talking until late into the night or wee hours in the morning, whichever. until the stall was all prepared for close. that night, the k-o-p maker came to talk to us, and that was how the ice crumble. well, usually i would go to Siang Malam with Ezen, but that night, Ezen was already back in Perth, so the kop-maker came to ask what happen to the other friend? and this was how it went :

kop-maker : lu kho chi khiok 'eng 'eui leh? (lu ko chi kiok peng eui leh?)
me : oh, ee ki tak cek liau.
kop-maker : o. ee hi 'ak ek eiau. hi ho lok 'ek 'ek? (oh. ee ki tak cek liau. ki toh lok tak cek?)
me : oh ciu.
kop-maker : o. poi eiau la? (oh. poi liau la?)
me : ah. si lo.
kop-maker : lu 'ang eh? bo 'ak 'ek meh? (lu lang leh? bo tak cek meh?)
me : uu. ah boi gok.
cheah : uu. tapi uu koh leh H1N1, so oh teng kam chi leh pai.
kop-maker : o. o. beh 'uai la, eh 'eh kah ane ua. lu toh lo 'ak 'ek? ek-el? (oh. oh. beh kaui la eh ceh kah ane ua. lu toh lok tak cek? kl?)
me : ...
cheah : ee mun ai poi liau. ee poi ki bi kok eh.
kop-maker : o. lu mun poei eh. lu eh? (oh. lu mun poi eh. lu leh?)
cheah : keat tah tak eh. wa bo poi.

so la dee do. XX

that was somewhat how the conversation went. after knowing the thin surface of us, we had to melt the ice, not only break it. this was how i got to know her name :

kop-maker : lu 'in nia eppy eh 'o? (lu chin nia happy eh ho?)
me : chu mi leh?
kop-maker : 'ua lu e-e cio eh. (kua lu ti ti cio eh.)
me : (smiles) so meh ni wa lai lu koh eh eh ki wa bo eh?
kop-maker : eeeh. eh la. lu emia ah mi? (eeeh. eh la. lu mia ha mi?)
me : err. ejane.
kop-maker : aieeoo. ah mo emia wa emeh 'io 'ong. (aiyo. ah moh mia wa beh hiao kong.)
me : oh. er, ee chen la. ee chen. lu..lu mia ha mi leh?
kop-maker : wa mia ami a? wa mia a oon o. (wa mia hami ah? wa mia ah hoon lo.)
me : oh. ah hoon a. so lu ai wa kio lu ah hoon ceh ceh asi ah ee asi aunty?
kop-maker : 'ien eh la. 'eo a oon 'ia 'ah chin ma. (mien eh la. kio ah hoon nia kah chin ma.)

thus, we knew each other's name. notice that in the two above conversations, after every sentence of kop-maker, there is a bracketted of the exact meaning but just clearer pronouciation, because in real, the unbracketted version is how she speaks. that was how she spoke to us. and by talking to her, i've learned the trait of laughing off something after i have no idea what she just said.

other then a new found friend, there was another funny/scary encounter at Siang Malam with Cheah, and also Jennifer. it was one real fine night with big appetite. and usually we sit out at the table closest to the road but leaving the chair closest to the road empty and we would occupy the other three, so no one's back would face on coming cars. and on this night, we decided to eat our hearts out. and sure enough we did...we had all our drinks on the side of the empty seat so we had space for our food. then one homeless junk (pretty well about town, you might notice a middle-aged man, who walks like robot) came real close to us and then walked away. i was stunned a bit. and i thought he was just gonna sit his ass on that chair.

after a few moments later.................

YES. just as i thought my thought would not only remain a thought my thought did not remain as a thought.

that homeless junk came by again and sat. took out his hand. grap on Jennifer's drink. took it near his mouth. had the straw in his mouth. and sucked on the melted ice and a hint of barley. yes. it was pure OMG. i tried to stay calm. at the same time not laugh that he hacked Jennifer's drink. i think we might had sat with him for a good 15 seconds. i looked at Cheah and she looked back. Jenn was probably looking at her drink. haha. we waved at the botak man for rescue, but to no avail.

on the 16th second, i got up and went to tell Ah Hoon, "err, uu lang ceh tua wa lang eh toh teng..err". she went and said to him, (in an altered version) "chau. ai chau mai chau. ah bo wa gia siou chui theng lu eh a". and became our heroin of that night.

in Siang Malam, we had fun. we laughed. and we spoke of kebahagiaan.

#1

2009-08-19T16:56:00.001-07:00

i made friends with my friends, again. - that was how it felt meeting up and spending time with them.

i was lucky to have met up with many of my friends and learned many new things about them as well.

the very first person i met and suprised was none other then Mizen. when i dropped in at her house, she was busy babysitting and was bathing two big babies. i actually planned to suprise the second person i met but thanks to the first person i met, i could not carry out my suprise as planned. hence, instead of having Mizen drive me to Jennifer's house, we had to change plans and have Mizen call Jennifer and talk nonsense to her before i took over the phone. but i am happy all the same, ecstatic to be exact. and the fourth person i met was Cheah. then i stopped counting. boo.

and for my favourite friend, Beh, Mizen and i went to the bus station to fetch her from Penang. and we screamed her name, 'BEH SHUH PYNG...BEHHH SSSHUHHH PYNGGGGer..' ya, yet another quite successful attempt of cheap publicity by Mizen and Ejane. that was the first time i met with her. all eyes on us. then her.

and for Teoh, was the last friend i met on the week before my last week. but i was more than glad to be able to meet her. well, i have to say, thanks to H1N1, if not i would not have had that chance.

and back to what i mentioned, i've learned many new things about them; and these are a few;

Jennifer - she might potentially become Taiping's most unexpected gangsta. well-trained and well-prepared from St. George's Instituition. hell ya! i'd be your right-hand man.

Mizen - omg. i did not know that she eats like a pig. and faak that she is still that broom-stick. she probably eats 5 full meals in a day. she did not use to eat like that.

Beh - there is ONLY one thing i want to say. her old love : me. her new love : HANKY (i do not know his real name, but its pronouced like that.) it really is her new love but she is in such denial.

Ezen - masih segila dulu.

Cheah - kawan melayu di kiri kanan. dan hidup yang tertakdir di penjarakan di negeri Kedah.

Mei Chen - likes barbeque-ing.

Tee Xin - is not it obvious? she lost weight. definately.

Teoh - she still loves Malaysia. looks like i'd be celebrating Christmas alone. again.

Shafiq - pandai masak bihun goreng!

Joanne - she said she has fallen into an emo mode. but i don't notice.

and a lot more..

bunga matahari

2009-08-16T02:31:00.000-07:00

semoga
bunga-bunga
matahari menceriakan

harimu.

BUNGA-BUNGA MATAHARI.

menyinarkan pudar di hati

memberi senyuman berseri

mengurangkan suka-duka di dunia ini.

live from Changi.

2009-08-10T07:09:00.000-07:00

i cannot be any ever more ya tuhan as i am now.

i am now blogging live from Changi Airport in Singapore. it shows a smiley face on my watch, meaning its 2210 hours as of now. and i've been here since 1420 hours. well, i still have another 4 freaken hours to burn before i board my flight. part of me wants to be held in this time trap actually. because i do not want to reach my destination that soon. =(

Changi Airport deserves its complimence, because i am still surviving. its very kill-boredom friendly. it has many entertainment facilities. from big screen high-definition sports tv, to a small cinema, to music lounges, jamming studios, pc games and PS3 and Xbox (and bla bla bla bla) to mess with, and without charge. but then, being alone, nothing seems very attracting. and of course, abunudance of internet access. but it has its 15 minutes time limit and it automatically logs out. so you gotta log back in. and to prevent internet suckers like me to occupy the pc for hours, they do not provide chairs, so ya, my legs are pretty strong pillars.

there is a very lovely sunflower garden behind me, now. and what a coincident because i would like to officially annouce that sunflowers are my favourite flowers! so when you wear black and is sending me to heaven, bring sunflowers, i do not want kekwa.

i am at Changi Airport because i am not on holiday, anymore.

yesterday, there was a simple get-together with a few fellow friends who were really nice to come to spend their night with me. it was at the Gate! (dude,my favourite, after siangmalam.) and Jenn brought her guitar and Meichen brought her signature violin and we sang. i know, as if we own the place but why not? i might one day have share over that cafe. ;)

lastly, Ekspidisi Bahagia kali ini sudah pun berakhir. and i cannot wait to blog on this amazing and awesomus expedition.

salam hormat.

'berbakti kepada negara'.

i need to remember to breathe

2009-08-07T09:41:00.000-07:00

in the many days that i am available for an emotion rollercoaster, it had to be today. it had to be this.

i admit that in all possible outcomes, i have never forseen this as the outcome. probably it is not the final one yet, but it is still enough to break my spirit by half. probably the situation as i know is not the situation in truth but will i ever know what is happening behind that wall, behind that telephone line.

i will depart this chance very soon and for this chance to come again would still be a long time coming. but it is not that i did not try. i tried. and this was probably the hardest i've ever tried.

i blame no one. maybe something went wrong along the way. the interseption of time, communication, character, technical and faith caused the failure of it all.

this is a feeling of your one saviour that turned to be your murderer. ouch.

give me light. give me guidance. give me bravery. give me direction. because i do not want to regret this.

make action. take action. do action. i do not want to lose this.

if this actually fails, its a heavy grievance that i would need to pack with me and be tagged along for months and months to come.

for the sun to shine again, you have to go through cloudy days. i guess.

Man Bai - Kau Ilhamku

2009-07-27T10:03:00.000-07:00

beribu bintang di langit kini menghilang
meraba aku dalam kelam
rembulan mengambang kini makin suram
pudar ilhamku tanpa arah
sedetik wajahmu muncul dalam diam
ada kerdipan ada sinar
itukah bintang ataupun rembulan
terima kasih ku ucapkan

izinkan ku mencuri bayangan wajahmu
izinkan ku mencuri khayalan denganmu
maafkan lah
andaikan lagu ini menganggu ruangan hidupmu
kau senyumlah
sekadar memori kita di arena ini

kau ilhamku
kau ilhamku

izinkan ku mencuri bayangan wajahmu
izinkan ku mencuri khayalan denganmu
maafkan lah
andaikan lagu ini menganggu ruangan hidupmu
kau senyumlah
sekadar memori kita di arena ini

kau ilhamku
kau ilhamku

lagu ini lagu dendangan kegemaran pelajar di Convent. ada sahaja persembahan nyanyian lagu melayu, ada sahajalah lagu ini. dengan pastinya. tapi bosan tidak dikatakan bosan, mual tidak juga. tapi lagu ini tetap sedap didengar walaupun sentiasa dimainkan.

tetapi kini sudah kian lama meninggalkan pangkalan sekolah, lagu ini tetap menjadi kegemaran. dan apabila mendengarnya, tetap akan membawa saat-saat nostalgia.

awesomus is the new

2009-07-24T10:24:00.000-07:00

the day of yesterday was all sunny blue skies and fluffy cotton candy clouds. no haze. it's been awhile since the sun has spread it's light so far down. but, to be able to enjoy laying our eyes on such beauty, and skipping under the sun merrily, there is a price to pay, which is a butter-melting heat. but the it is not a hefty price, it is a price i am willing to pay - anytime.

blue skies were as blue as the deep blue sea. clouds was so tempting. they made me want to jump on them and summersault like on a trempouline. oooo----weeeeee-----niceeeeee.wanttt.

and when the night falls, there was nothing more deserving then seeing clusters of stars, twinkling in the darkness. there were stars ev.ver.ry.where. its been a longgg time since i have seen so many stars looking back down at me.

and i realise, in times like that, there is only one gadget that is able to capture the moment, the image. that is our eyes. if only i could save this breathtaking sight to share with others, it would be so awesomus.

at the same time, the playground in the Lake Gardens just got their new fix of swings. if only i had someone to go to the swings with me on this night to enjoy the stars, there would not be any other night better than tonight.

and there were no one available to accompany me to the swing to sing because Ezen has left to go back to Down Under. all the best to her. and yes, 2 down, 1 more to go.....................me.

be this for now.

just because i wanted to update something..

2009-07-16T08:17:00.000-07:00

firstly, my dear friend, Tan Mizen, has FINALLY moved her butt off and flown it to Perth, Australia. after many months and days of using time very generously on nothing, she is now in Perth for almost a week. on a mission to educate herself. and for her, i truly hope that her third time coming would be her charm. and that she will now own determination to carry on and also quick adaptation to foreign culture without stress and pressure. so if you are reading, high 5. lets do it!

though it was rather sad to see her leave, but i was maybe happier to see her finally doing something benefitial for herself for her future. time waits for no man.

i really do not have any secondly actually.

secondly, did you all Taiping residents, young and old, short and tall, plump and skinny, know of the existance of a pretty freak'in awesome ATV park, just right opposite of the Kamalodge - which is along the way to Taman Sentosa? still do not know where exactly - it is also along the way to Burmese pool. ok. (if you still do not know, i guess you do not belong in Taiping) it's small entrance, small signage and many trees surrounding the area makes it rather difficult to be spotted. it is called the, 'ATV - Adventure Park Larut'. so go give it a try, best time and weather to do so would be on drizzly afternoons. because a lil wet would make it a lil wilder. haha. but also be prepared for a rather costly price and for a hand-aching ride of fun. most importantly, be well prepared for temptations to be addicted to this expensive hobby. and later, be a fan on Facebook. (a photo of ezen and i is on facebook.)

the question isss

2009-07-06T09:16:00.000-07:00

the answer is yes.

definately.

it is like you are the Sun and i am the Earth.

the Earth spins around the Sun.

everything revolves around the Sun.

no matter how far the Earth floats away in space, the Earth will end up in the orbit of the Sun because of it's great gravitational pull.

the Sun may be light years farway from the Earth, but the Earth still feels the warmth of the Sun and sees the light of the Sun.

everytime when the sunrises, the Earth smiles.

and when the sunsets, it gives the clouds on Earth a beautiful shade of orange, red, yellow, and purple; beautifully blended together.

the Earth cannot live without sunlight, scientifically proven. but apparently, Sun lives, with or without the Earth. but its fine.

on rainy days, cloudy days, and hazy days, little sunlight penetrates through but there is still light. there is still you.

without, my world, my Earth, would be a cold cold place.

lesser than more.

2009-07-05T08:56:00.000-07:00

everyday has been a series of on-going events, though it may just be totally wasting time on trash talk and sipping on coffee, but then, is not wasting time just the perfect pass time?

i am now typing as i listen to Wimbeldon Radio on the final fifth set of the men's singles final. wimbeldon has come and gone, in just a blink of an eye. and the suprise finalist of Andy Roddick. i did not watch a single match on Wimbeldon because of two reasons, 1. because as all well may know, Rafael Nadal decided not to play due to his knee tentinitis and 2. no sports channel on astro. but since Nadal is not playing anyway, i had no reason to take the initiative to search for source to watch the tournament.
*ohh, its a tight final.*

aside from a busy week, it was also a dark week for me. because my phone died on me. it died. on me. my loyal phone for the past 3 years or so. it may be an old phone, but the sentimental value is as expensive as the latest phone around. i am not grining in happiness even for a little bit because i have never desired for a new one before. my phone was there for me when i was mad, when i wanted to share some happiness, when i needed to reach out to the world, when i needed something to smile about, i turn to my phone. but now its all gone. all my contacts are gone. i will continue to mourn.

Roddick did not win. final set of 16-14. Federer is now back to the no.1 position and he now surpasses Sampras's record in grand slam wins. and (oh my god) he is going to be a father in a few weeks.

we got to learn how to deal with our emotions and our reactions when things fail to go our way. it may be bitter but make your smile the sugar.

let there be an inner peace in you.

2009-06-24T02:34:00.000-07:00

just now, without warning, Yan emo-ed with me. i was caught by suprise. she told me to make sure i enjoy myself to the maximum before i go back to where i came from. i told her i will.

i certainly will.

xx

i think i am vomiting emotions.

xx

today, another day. a day that took almost seven years to occur. but it was only almost.

xx

i think i need another vomit of emotions.

xx

thoughts, thoughts. they keep you sane, but sometimes murder you in silence. a vacuum that sucks the life outta you.

xx

it is difficult no matter what phase of life you are in. this just makes me hate life for you more than i already am for myself.

xx

no matter how well one keep one's poise, you never know what battle one goes through inside. i want to be the peacemaker of your battle.

xx

i still have chunks of emotions left after the vomit.

xx.

sometimes.

2009-06-23T09:04:00.000-07:00

sometimes;
it's just not meant to be.
because, its just not.

sometimes;
helplessness is the only solution.
because, listening is all you can do.

sometimes;
you will not stop wondering.
because, its suprising.

sometimes;
words mean nothing.
because, the eyes speaks more.

today is different. i do not know if should paint my day red or grey. its this helplessness that kills. though it may not be anything at all, but it is knowing that someone out there is suffering, is letting you know, but yet letting be is the only way, because there is no other way out.

it's raining, and i think i am scared.

i do not mind, even a little bit, lending my small ears, in fact it is a pleasure of the highest order. but i do come to realise that my stand on "sorrows are to keep and happiness is to share" actually makes sense.

final verdict : grey.

so unreal.

2009-06-20T11:26:00.000-07:00

i just found out that my very close friend, Jennifer has a blog but one that i did not know about. i took the time to read her blog just now, and her blog appear to be just so like her, prim and proper. calmly emotional.

anyway, my days have been great since the first day i came back. everyday is filled with so much laughter and action packed. there is just simply no words to describe how truly glad i am to be home.

meeting up with many friends is the ultimate dream. sometimes in the car, i would just stare out the window and see the night sky and wonder by myself, i am really living this dream, and i feel happy. after so long, i can now say that i feel so happy. so free from sadness and loneliness. seeing my friends again is so fulfilling. and being able to joke with them, to laugh with them and sometimes talk heart-to-heart are moments money and time cannot buy. i might sound very pathetic but you really do not know how much i yearned for days like these.

for the past two weeks, i managed to see quite a number of friends, visited a dear teacher, played netball, visited the school and to said hye to some few teachers and also visited many new places in Taiping. things have changed huh. especially the new round about, around a tree, in Lake Gardens which is so unnecessary and Convent is sooo snot yellow colour now. it was also really really oh-so-awesome to play netball again.

22nd is just around the corner too.

yessss.

2009-06-14T06:53:00.000-07:00

people of my favourite land, i am B-A-C-K. finally.

that is all that is necessary to explain the very little to no activity on this blog. i do apologize to fellow regular visitors and also i do apologize for an unannouced arrival. but i was just so caught up with excitement i do not have any time to spare even for a little update. one is due to the extreme excitement, two, its due to a slight effect of jet-lag and three, seriously, online when in Taiping? i don't think so. there is just abundance of things to do. believe me. and lastly, i do not think its a big deal for others, though it is very super duper for me.

as well, few may know, i prefer to meet people unexpectedly. giving people a suprise, hye! i have been back for almost a week now. though i also apologize for not obeying to the unofficial law of 7days home quarentine, as the very first few hours upon my arrival, i have had romed many parts of Taiping. but rest assure, i am well and fine. so blame not me.

party like a rock star --->

2009-06-01T21:39:00.000-07:00

few Sundays ago...

my sister finally graduated.

Eelyn Ooi; megna cum-laude.

my equally dysfunctional sister. =)

CONGRATULATIONS.
and i still owe her a graduation gift.

another dramatic attack...

2009-05-31T18:32:00.000-07:00

today is one of the very rare days that kept me speechless, froze my steps, stunned me naked. it is indeed the day in history, the day...

Rafael Nadal, the four year reigning champion in the clay grounds of Roland Garros in Paris, had lost his very first match, ever, since his first appearance in the grand slam event, to an unexpected opponent, Robin Soderling.

it spells nothing but sheer devastation, shocking, disbelief.

Nadal was chasing history to be the only man, in the open era, to win the Roland Garros five times, consecutively. Nadal was the champion in Roland Garros for the past four years, only leveling the record of Bjorn Borg. do not be mistaken, eventhough only leveling Borg, it is definately still an amazing feat performed by Nadal. Nadal's record on Roland Garros was 31-1. a record breaking of 31 consecutive wins until that very one match he lost to Soderling this afternoon.

Nadal, was never pushed to the fifth set by any player on Roland Garros. and in 2008, he won the slam without dropping a set and came out firing in the final, destroying Federer who only managed to win 4 games out of the whole match.

on the ATP website, it says that the king of clay had been dethroned but i say otherwise. it does not take just a match to dethrone a king, this just was not his day, not his game. and coming in to Roland Garros, Nadal won 4 out of 5 titles on clay.

on the press conference, Nadal mentioned that he will not make any excuses on the windy condition and that his loss was entirely his fault, playing short on the balls, allowing Soderling to attack, and surely also acknowledging Soderling had played well too. to add to the suprise cum davastating factor, Nadal, in the ATP tour in Rome, bashed Soderling 6-1, 6-0 in the round of 16.

i thought Nadal would write history like writing ABC but guess not this time. Nadal is only a human, another player (but a very good one) and sometimes even the best loses. (excuse me but i am seriously trying to make myself feel better.)

i may be mean, but i hope Federer's name will not be engraved below Nadal's. neither do i want Murray. anybody else. but Federer. but Nadal told the press that he would favor Federer winning the title as he would like to see him winning and if anyone, Federer is the most deserving one to win the title. but no, i still do not want Federer to hold the trophy.

"I must accept my defeats with the calm that I accept my victories."
-Rafael Nadal.

dombab.

2009-05-22T23:54:00.000-07:00

do not judge me just because i scratch my ass before i scratch my tongue.

oh no. lately, i have been pretty hooked on watching basketball. but then rest asure i will never be playing the game. but blame me not, but basketball is all there is to watch. (just so you know, this is because i vow to be loyal to netball. yes. i am a lil fanatic. or a lot.)

ooo. just a reminder for tennis fans, Roland Garros is starting soooon. by the way, did youl know that Novak "the-self-declared-greatest-player" Djokovic dropped to the 4th rank player now and Andy Murray has taken over the 3rd position. i was suprised that it did not make headlines all over the world. hah. though i log in to the ATP official website very often but still did not know about it until a few weeks after he dropped in the rankings.

yesterday, Convent's netball team won their first round premier game match against TMGS, 19-13. the next game would be after the school holidays on home ground against Holly Methodist school. if you feel generous for some support, keep posted for the exact date here.

excuse me.

2009-05-16T21:16:00.000-07:00

anger and the ability to be patient with one has limit. and when it goes beyond the limit, it means enough, you should serious stop.

if i were to be given a chance to slap someone in the face anonymously, it would be you. there is no one else that had ever angered me more than you. if i do not know you, it would already have been done. if my eyes could burn, i would have baked you brains everytime i lay my eyes on you and your mouth that say words that mean nothing to me.

you may be you, you may have the authority over me, you may be wiser than me, but i am not just someone that you can just pour your frustration at.

i can be all the stupids in the world that i am but i do not need you to make me feel so much more better with you pointing out how stupid i am.

people like you needs to take therapy.

people like you need a huge mirror to see yourself and how disgusting you look. what a smart alec you think you are. oh wait, maybe a mirror is not enough, maybe you need a X-ray machine to see yourself internally, how full of trash you are.

people like you needs to know that sometimes, its fucking ok to shut your smart trap. yes, its ok. people will still think you are smart, don't worry, even with your trap shut.

whenever you have more people that is against you then for you, that does not mean that you are discovering more stupid people. it means that the problem is with you and not everybody. probably and most highly likely is you are the shallow one.

most of all, don't judge me like you know me. because really, you don't. neither do i know you. no wonder your words are so foreign to me.

ya, maybe i should continue my good job on play pretending. i am beginning to be so good at this game. but i am also coming to become so sick of playing it everyday, day and night.

i might only write this because i need an output to my anger but believe me, there are some truths and plenty of honesty above. its lethal, yes, but you are pushing me this way.

the death of Prison Break.

2009-05-15T19:31:00.000-07:00

Jane is putting on a frowned face while typing.

Jane, Jane had just finish watching the two-hour finale of Prison Break, season 5. but wait, be informed that this is also the finale of the entire Prison Break show. for good.

the end was classic, awing and not at all cliche. but Jane still find it hard to believe that it ended that way.

Jane now sits in front of the laptop, feeling, 'wow, after years of watching the show, episodes after episodes, its now the end, and that was how it ended...'

Jane wants to tell. but Jane wants to keep those Prison Break fans and watchers their moments to enjoy the final finale. those in Malaysia following on 8tv might still take forever and those who downloads, please be prepared. you will be moved by how it ended.

i know, Jane is being so melodrama right now, but it is necessary.

shake me awake.

on the other hand, i am glad it ended. it is the right time to actually end because if the show were to go on, it would become just to ridiculous and by ending it now, it still keeps the element of suspence that made the show so good.

i rate five stars to the creativity and sentiment of the show.

3 cheers for Prison Break, the handsome casts and all the many years entertaining me.

hiphiphurray hiphiphurray HIPHIPHURRAY!

titisan

2009-05-14T17:23:00.000-07:00

tidak mengapa jika bungga ungu ini kian layu,

kerana engkaulah ceritanya.

semuanya di bawah tapak kakimu,

kerana engkaulah bahagia.

walau habis terang,

walau tak ada yang abadi,

walau kasih semakin mendung,

kau tetap mengindahkan kisah diri ini,

ku tetap tersenyum sendiri. xx

axe the 13th.

2009-05-14T03:37:00.000-07:00

it has been a looong looong way loong loong time, ain't it? yes, certainly. most definately.

May 14th. is another day.

May 13th was yesterday which marked a year since the day i left. well, its nothing. i am just trying to mark my imaginary calender.

X marks the possible.

every eyes sees a different perspective. no eyes knows what the other eyes sees.
we all fill in the space of different shoes. some so warn out, some still make squeeky sound against shinny floors.
soak it up. yell nothing.

all up-into-people's-butthole

2009-05-09T20:38:00.000-07:00

Fear is black,
It sounds like the wind blowing in the dark,
It smells like fresh blood on a knife,
It tastes like lemonade with no ice,
It looks like a shadow with no head,
Fear is when I am alive and everyone is dead. xx

- i told my brada. xx

i fail to be serious. i took sometime to think about something significant and decent post that i can write to share but no, every file i search in every corner of my head, i cannot find even a tad seriousness. even if there is, when it is delievered through my fingers, it naturally unserious itself. so what the hell, fuck seriousness - until i find one.

thus, while searching through files of seriousness, i found a funny story to share. no i mean, funny story.

so as many well know, i am a coffee slave. no, it has got nothing to do with me enslaved to coffee but it merely means i work. and work here means, i meet with people from all walks of live everyday, too many to describe. but there is one particular regular customer which i wanna talk about. haha. if you are anticipating a nasty customer whom i might hate, no, its too common to share and if you are anticipating for a customer who might have done something personally to me, no too. this customer, i do not know anything nor said anything to him before, except for that i remember his face. and i remember his face is also because of... ... ...the story that i will be sharing.

one fine day, i was making drinks, dilligently. but my attention span did not last very long, and as i was still making drinks, i looked around, around the many customers who were sitting around the lobby. and then, there, just on the perfect position of my limited view, i see, an anene (yes again, gee, whats the deal with anenes lately?) man and a white girl, talking very intimately, over a small rounded table beside the glass window where the morning sun was just beginning to shine in. i was thinking oh, well, what the hell, just two people in deepest of love talking about how deep their love is. i cannot careless. and continue to try to make my drinks dilligently.

but then out of the blue, drama unfolds...as the talking got more intense, the lust heightened. and then they got into a lip to lip peck. and then they both started smooching for a good 10 seconds. and then again. and again. i seriously seriously thought they should go get themselves a room. good lord!

then after a couple of weeks later, i was making a triple tall americano and as i handed it out, oh, it was this man again. after a few hours since i made that drink, my eyes wondered the lobby again, and again, i saw this couple. talking in a very casual manner. but as they were finishing and walked to the car, they gave each other a loong loong embrace. with hands all over each other, top to bottom - top to bottom. still could not get enough of each other, they then started smooching. again. after again. that time, it was not only me who was being the only audience, a few other customers were also watching them - frowning - in disgust, should be.

finally, the girl found the door into the car. and i thought, oh, finally, clear my view, please and thank you. but no. the man leaned in the most awkward posture and to smooch again. then talked. then smooched. i don't wanna repeat myself. but you get the idea.

i know, i am such an up-into-people's-business critic. but then i cannot help it.

i know, maybe i should practice more open-mindedness but seriously though, definately there is a limit to how much lusting one can make in public, very public places. and moreover, it was donw, both times, in front of my very limited viewing range. how coincident can it get, both unfortunately and eye-soaringly.

anyway, thats my story.

xx

inside the mind

2009-05-05T13:15:00.000-07:00

the hectic has come to a momentary halt. hopefully permanently.

i am taking swine flu very personally now. though it may not have affected anyone i know, swine flu is attacking my mental robutness.

count sheeps when you cannot fall asleep, thats what cartoons and nursery books tell you. but living out near the jungle, in Taiping, instead of imaginary sheeps, i count the number of cicak on my ceiling. and let me tell you, it does work. i don't know about sheeps though.

what is your all time favourite, funniest line said in a movie? well, can't say, there are plenty. but the one in mind is, from Notting Hill. it went ;
"No thanks, i am a fruitarian."
"I didn't realise that."
"Ah, ahm, what exactly is a fruitarian?"
"We believe that fruits and vegetables have feeling so we think cooking is cruel. We only eat things that have actually fallen off a tree or bush - that are, in fact, dead already."
"Right. Right. Interesting stuff. So, these carrots..."
"Have been murdered, yes. "
"Murdered? Poor carrots. How beastly!"

that is some funny shit that always cracks me up.
banana chips are disgusting but they keep you going. potato chips are universal awesome and my new favourite, whole grain chips. oh ya. Sun Chips!
why do people ever bother?
i think i may quit Starbucks.
lets lets hold hands and march.
i had one less assignment to do. that was from my American History class. thanks to my awesome lecturer. because he did not pay for his electric bill, so he had no power and thus he could not post up the assignment online. he is one heck of a cool lecturer but yet his class is strict and effective. that is why, though American History, it is my favourite class of the semester.

and then there is this...

2009-04-30T19:01:00.000-07:00

hectic as hectic is spelled spells this week. but yet here i am, posting up some thoughts. lets just say that i am doing this as a way for me to runaway from everything for a moment or two, just to make myself feel better, because this is also a waste of time that i could put to good use.

*staring at the screen, eyes wide open, forgetting to blink*

labours day. May 1st. holiday. but not here. labours day is in september. yes, here, its always special.

*listening to the same songs over and over again and again*

i am critically addicted to malay songs. as unusual as it may sound and seem, i have been in this condition for sometime now. mainstream malay music is all i know but yet, they fulfill my music soul, thats if it exist. but somehow, it fulfill some part of me. mainstream Indonesian music dominates in my player. to name some, Peterpan, Nidji, Gita Gutawa, Sheila on 7, Meet Uncle Hussein, Glen Fredly and even Anuar Zain. the more absorbent i am towards their lyrics, the more i am hooked to their music. generally, malay music is always popularly assumed to be all about cinta, but then, cinta is not that overrated as love is. and no, not all malay music is about cinta.

it has been a month or so, i am working at another Starbucks store. there is one shift manager that i truly dislike (or hate, if i have to). oooooooooh, ghin ee. and ee koh si anene, makes me ghin bi kok anene nia. sipek phun tua. nasi lu eh hiau tak hokkien, wa boh ghin anene in general, no, wa kana ghin bi kok eh oo poi, kelinga oo poi. tapi, at least i think ee si anene. i think she knows i do not like her anyway. it is a secret but it is obvious. and i think she is responding right by disliking me back, it makes life ever more so interesting here on out when i work with her. though she is definately has the edge if compared to me against her, but its fine. it is ok that i become her slave but i will curse her for every step that she takes. may god bless her a lot. monster.

*grins thinking of the things i had done towards this fella that had gone unnoticed, or maybe they were noticed in silence. evil is in the air*

i am in a crisis of i-don't-know-what-i-can-buy for people when i go home. so many things but so little options. so yes but so no. but i am excited to see what i will end up getting, and i can't wait to start the spree. but there are final exams to be excited for first.

i conteng my kasut hari ini. and i tersalah conteng. end up, i had to scratch it. so sekarang, the imperfection is somewhat bugging my mind and somewhat pretty neat!

selamat malam. gotta get out from this sweat-soaked bra.

my calendar.

2009-04-27T18:16:00.000-07:00

Monday, April 27th, 2009. 20:45

In exactly 4 days, it would be May.
In exactly 1 month and 4 days, it would be June.
In exactly 2 weeks and 4 days, school semester ends.
In approximately 1 month and (+/-) half, I board boeing 747.
In exactly 20 days, it would be Teachers Day.
In exactly 4 days, it would be Labour's Day.
In exactly 7 days, I have 3 assignments due.
In exactly 2 weeks, it would be Mother's Day.
In no time at all, you shall stop reading this piece of rubbish because it ends right here.

24/04/2009

2009-04-24T19:59:00.000-07:00

terima kasih kerana anda sentiasa ada.

walaupun pada saat yang tidak tersangka.

dengan membawa senyuman

dan curahan kebahagiaan.

Sports Day in Convent

2009-04-24T16:53:00.000-07:00

notice the big JUNE and a pair of shoes?

-it tells a story, a story of me, waiting for the month of June, when those pair of shoes will walk the earth of Malaysia!

X X X

anyway, hows everybody been? to anyone that happens to read this and those people that i did not have time to stop and ask 'how are you?' i don't know why, but i sometimes feel unnecessarily obligated to do so and feel slightly guilty for not doing so. but then i do hope, my friends, you all are doing just well and happy if not better.

by the way, to those that do not know of the existance of an official portal to Convent's website, it is at http://www.smkct.net/. try checking it out. one day, out of sheer boredom, i checked out the photo gallery in the web site and was going through probably few hundred snap shots of Sports Day '09.

as far as i know, this year's Sports Day was a big event, as Dato' Tan Lian Hoe was invited as the guest of honor. (dengan malunya, i don't know who she is.)

through the photos, i noticed some additional events and also some changes, like the extra act from each mascot and also the kawad pengawas.

i thought the kawad pengawas was pretty cool, the five person kawad with the Convent flag...the menaikkan bendera ceremony, to be simple. and by taking away the kawad pengawas is an awesome idea. at least pengawas can be free from (disgusting) pengawas duties for a day, and be involve in their own house or unit beruniform. because, through personal experience, having friends marching for pengawas and being a pengawas myself, but when it comes to Renjer Puteri and pengawas, all my heart goes out for Renjer Puteri. i'll and i do pretend to clap for pengawas. oh, and also the 8X50m event, don't think i ever did run for pengawas (or have i?). but no no, even if i ran for pengawas, i never did run slower than i can (i take my running seriously). so anyway, conclusion is, no pengawas in the picture is good.

and the mascot act, even only through them pictures, they made me laugh. one is, i am sure they were hilarious live. Dang Wangi had a soldier, Tun Kudu - red indian, Tun Fatimah - witch, Dang Anum - angel i think, Tun Teja - chinese girl, errr, like a chinese dancer? i think, and Mahsuri - warrior. second thing that made me laugh was seeing them being so enthusiastic, so driven to win, even doing silly acts like that. even when it does not involve winning, they are so enthusiastic on putting on a good show for people to see. and its good.

and definately, it got me thinking about all the sweeet times in all 5 years of Sports day.

2004 was the last year of sorak and then the tradition came back in 2007. protested but failed.

the total dominance of Tun Teja since forever until it got broken in 2006. when Tun Kudu manage to slip ahead of Teja to gain their very first victory in he history of Convent and carried on to 2007. since then 2008-2009 had been dominated by Dang Anum, what a turn of events.

Teja's consistent win in kawad, also since forever, till this year still. Teja's fortunate coincidence of always having the best athletes, year after year, fresher better athletes belongs to Teja. and other houses only have little to a few athletes that are able to take on those of Teja's. but i don't know about now.

its always about Teja, therefore, Teja was always the enemy. and out on the field, Kudu was the tightest competitor to Teja.

it surely is still clear at the back of my mind how scarily competitive we all were. but i certainly have come to appreciate that competitive instinct that we had. because without them, what is sports day? i do appreciate that Teja always had that errogant we-will-win attitude, if not, no one would be driven to do their best just to see Teja go down. as i would put it, Teja always acted like they were the king and we were all just common people, common people with talent. and we had to believe that we can one day beat the king and be the king. Kudu always was like the leader of the common people. Kudus believed they could do it, and with that belief, other houses believed they may also make it.

i respect the fact that Teja still dominates the kawad. this will make all the other houses to always strive harder to break Teja's successive wins. that is only how one can improve, by striving to beat the best. Teja is best in the business because they have a very good routine. a routine that gave them years of victory and no other house has yet to figure out a better routine to beat them.

Kudu's only dominance in sukan tara. every year many years.

we do literally go krazily semangat beyond words when it comes to sports day.

like i had said before on one of my post, that sports day do make friends into enemies and enemies into greater enemies. but maybe to me, sports day mean more than it does to the next student. but i am sure that the next student do feel a little gush of patriotism for their houses too even if she don't care about sports day. because how many of us are able to say that on sports day, i was not involve in anything at all. no, i am sure you were forced to be involve in something. thats what sports day in Convent make you feel and do.

that is one of the things i miss most.

lets not let this wonderful tradition go. and never let it elude the future generations of Convent.

Houston ATP

2009-04-17T13:20:00.000-07:00

some photos.

Llyton Hewitt and his daughter.

Mardy Fish

Mike Bryan.

Llyton Hewitt anticipating his forehand.

Bryan Brothers and the runners up - Ryan Sweeting and Jesse Levine.

Thomas Blake's funky hairdo.

Tommy Haas.

James Blake.

Taylor Dent.

summary of the tournament, Hewitt won, only his 2nd clay court title of his career. Bryan Brothers were the doubles champion.

James Blake and Mardy Fish both lost in the first round (!!!) to Gulliermo Canas and Bjorn Phau

respectively.

James Blake and Mardy Fish paired up for doubles but lost to the Bryan Brothers in the semis.

nights were cold cold nights.

afternoons were sunny afternoons.

last week

2009-04-13T18:36:00.000-07:00

many thoughts are running through my head. well, come to think of it, my thoughts are in such abundance, my head does feel its weight, all day, everyday. it would be relaxing if i could just stop all my thoughts. oh, it would feel like drinking a fresh squeeze lemonade under a hot sunny afternoon.

these thoughts are preventing me from being the care-free jane always seems to be. being jolly energetic and care-free are not something that come natural to me anymore. it is more of something i have to force myself to become, to remind myself to who i am suppose to be and to bring some sunshine into my day, even for a little bit.

but that is something i had been dealing with for quite sometime, and i am positive that i can still be able to bare with it a little while longer. sometimes it may get to overwhelming and it gets me choked with negativity but then i guess getting worked up is not the answer as i still have to deal with it, despite all the shit. dependency is somewhat gone from my life i would say...

anyway, back to the down low, last week has been quite an awesome week. it might also be one the highlight my life. (haha,doink). but ya. i had the golden opportunity to attend the ATP (Association of Tennis Professionals) tournament here in Houston. it was nothing short of excitement for me. well, it is not as if i have other experience to compare with but then there were not many top ranked players that were there. i wished there were more but i was still as excited as can be.

tickets were not cheap. the tournament started on Saturday and ended the next Sunday. i attended seven out of the nine days but i only bought three tickets. haha, well, that means for the rest of the four days, i 'snuck' in. not to say that it was illegal but it was not full house, and no one asked for any ticket, so i assume they allowed it. afterall, i only tried my luck and i guess i was pretty lucky. besides, i may be doing the tournament atmosphere some favour, if it were not for me, there would be one less clapping and cheering. one less out of less than two hundred people crowd does make a difference.

the first weekends started with the qualifiers playing for the main draw. players from the qulifiers that some may know are like, Donald Young, the one that likes to wear his cap to one side (bla) and Amer Delic (!), the one that did really well and made headlines during the Australian Open, when he made the rounds of 16 and brought Novak Djokovic to a four setter. it was also that match between Delic and Djokovic that casued a steer in the Melbourne park, where Bostonians and Serbians supporters were bashing each other up. because Delic is a Bostonian born American.

the main draw events started on Monday. on the main draw, James Blake and Mardy Fish were the first and second seed respectively. besides that, there were also Tommy Haas, Llyeton Hewitt, Guillermo Canas, Taylor Dent, Jurgen Melzer, Marcel Granollers, Evegeny Korolev, Bjorn Phau, Agustin Calleri, Kevin Anderson, Wayne Odesnik and many others. most of whom i have not even heard of and many of those only made it to the second round of the Aussy Open. though a big fan, i call myself, i am still very shallow when it comes to lower ranked players. on the doubles team, the current world no.1, Bryan Brothers made the torunament all more prestigious (?).

i can go on forever on the tournament but i guess i will write it in another post with some photos to share as well.

i really need a break from all these hectic schedule. but i know, in less than two months, i will be getting my ultimate well-deserved break of my dreams. till then, slogging all i have.

XOXO

2009-03-30T20:26:00.000-07:00

today...today...oh my MDF god,...today today...

right before Spring Break, the week before Spring Break, i had an english composition mid-term test. we had a week to prepare for the test, which was writing a critical analysis on any essays from the textbook. any kind of test, which involves essays, as far as i am concern, is suppose to be done in a book, called the Blue Book, its just a book, with only a few pages for ya, writing essays or short answers kinda stuff. so we were to bring those Blue Books in class and write our essays in it.

today is already the second week after school reopened. the first week, we did not get our grades because i don't know why, but according to the professor, many did not do very well, as we did not know the format of critical analysis and yada....yada...yada....

so come this week, today,..everyone anticipated for not-so-well grades. to be honest, i thought i did pretty well. not by college standards, but by my odinary shitty-essay-writing standard, i thought it was better than how i usually write. therefore, i was hoping, bad, but at least not that bad of a bad grade. as i did prepare and read on the right way to write an analysis.

so the professor called, one by one,...came Jane, i stood up, took a few steps towards him and he said, 'Jane, see me after class, i need to talk to you about your essay'. so i sat back down. i was thinking, 'fuck Jane, you thought you did well, well, guess what, you must have flunk so badly, he needs to talk to you...'.

after class, i went up to him and WHAT??!!!! WHAT??!!!

do you freaken know why he did not grade my essay???????

when he explained to me, i was like =0 you fucking kidding me? and i paused. and i asked him again, what is the issue here? i don't understand. and i asked him, the third time.

at first, he asked, 'Jane, was this essay done outside class?'

i was confused. so i simply said, 'that is the rough draft (which we were suppose to do, not that i am so hardworking that i did it) and thats the essay.'

then he might have said something or a lot of things, in that spilt of a second, which i was not there with him at all because i was confused as hell.

then only i got what he was saying, he thought i typed my essay! he seriously thought i typed my essay and had done it outside class.

can you believe? i can't.

so i said to him, no, i wrote it, that is just my handwriting.
...
.............
.
.
.
........

i don't think i did convince him, totally.

then he said, i know you are a very detailed person but let me show you some of the characters...
...
........
see, your 's' and the other 's' is the same.. (same something but i was having a nervous breakdown by then, i don't know what he was saying)

i was so dumbfounded. all that went through my head was, how can i tell him i fucking wrote that with my bare right hand? i mean, other classmates would have saw me writing and how could i have printed it in the book?

anyway, he then asked me, did you had Blanko (i think that was what he said, which meant correction tape, in Malaysian term) with you? i said yes.
...........
..............
..
come on, i am Ejane, i have correction tapes. i take my pencil box everywhere i go. and i am probably the only one in the whole college who brings a pencil box, case, whatever.

i don't know if he believed that it is my handwriting. i know my handwriting is neat, but it cannot be at such degree of perfection that it is mistaken for typed. i am sure it has many distortions.

he even suggested, 'how about i take you grades in the final test and make it your mid-term grade too?'
................................................'anda gila ka apa ka ke buta ka ke nyanyok ka?' i wished i said.
'i accept your essay but .................................'
.......
................i had no clue what he said after.

in the end, he said he was gonna grade it.

its not even funny.

this must be the praise of the highest order i have had ever and will ever receive on my handwriting.

i might consider writing like shit now.

it has been a long day..but to overshadow this shitty event, is something real awesome, i purchased my plane ticket home today, finally! its better than the Willy Wonka's golden ticket i tell you.

alright.

what do you think?

2009-03-29T22:09:00.000-07:00

BEACH MOCS!

heard of beach mocs? they are eccentric looking shoes. i want them!

-should i get them? yes no?

Lisa Hennigan

2009-03-29T19:32:00.000-07:00

on St. Patrick's Day, i went to a mini concert, at downtown House of Blues, of Lisa Hennigan. nop, i have never heard of her, ever, prior to the concert, i was there to accompany my sister. she is from Ireland and her music is pretty awesome and attractive but different.

in this video, forgive me for the poor quality of sound and image. its recorded from my very antique phone. (so antique i don't even know what model it is anymore) also, this video is rather ??? because i stopped just as the good part was coming.

that is her guitarist, doing his thing, real-ly. it was just a classical guitar but he jammed it like it was so wicked electrical guitar. superb energy..

downtown was about 40minutes drive from where i live, first, my sister decided on this (1) last minute concert and then, we were late to start our 'journey'. my sister mapquested the directions but then (2) took a wrong turn on the highway and could not make a U-turn, and it caused even more of our time. the U-turn was a looong looong way and downtown is the weirdest and trickiest place to drive. took the first U-turn, and it was a (3) wrong one. but surely, the second one was the right one. anyway, finally, we found our way to the House of Blues and found parking. parked at box #20 and went to pay,...but (4) the #2 button on the machine was not working, tried and tried and tried. so we had to move the car to another space. ran all the way to the ticket counter and they said, (5) she has been performing for 40minutes already but still have about 50minutes to go...

that was freaken FIVE real can-it-get-any-worse situations but in the end...

they gave us FREE TICKETS. for nothing. it was well worth for all the shits we had to go through.

the Bark Park.

2009-03-28T22:31:00.000-07:00

so yes, yes, i went to the Bark Park, just found out on the existance of the place, actually. as you may all know, i hate dogs, or actually, animals, in general. anyhuuuu, brought sista-brada's-but-not-mine dog, Torres, there.

masters and dogs.

dogs and the pool.

this is a water fountain, for the masters and for the dogs.

dogs.

big dog, drying off.

shower with little privacy.

the adrendaline. adrendaline when those big dogs come running towards me but change directions when near was exciting. they were BIG dogs, up to my waist big. but they are very well trained.

dogs make friends by smelling ass holes to ass holes. i am glad that humans shake hands to make friends.

Bark Park was not the Hell Cell i thought it would be...

Zooo

2009-03-23T18:39:00.000-07:00

today is the first day after a short week of Spring Break. and since its a week long of no school - i spend doing nothing but a few things. most eventful of the week was a day out to the Houston Zoo.

this is Sarawak's most famous icon, the hornbill.
(this is for you, Hornbill =D)

my favourite part of zoo. flamingo baby-o!
i like those in Taiping Zoo too.

long legs.

this is an okapi. its like a short giraffe with zebra legs.

thats my favourite cartoon character, the llama.
from Kuzco! who watches that? I!

i don't know what is that but it certainly has some badass horns.

finally, sniffing in the poo of the zoo.

on a random note, this hornbill is headless.

i have a hole on my sock.

2009-03-13T14:25:00.000-07:00

this is one of those days when i feel like i want to hit the PAUSE button on the game i am playing and select RESTART and play again.

and this game is called, 'my ding dong life'.
which is better than wii, cause your whole body and soul is actually playing the game, no need for nunchuk, no need to tevee.

well, i consider myself, quite a gamer. quite. but i only play racing games. only. most of the time. most.

that means, i have, many a time, restart a race, because i am so far back in the race and chances to catch up with the electronic racers are slim.but i am an addict. i would repeat a race so many times, i could do it with one eye close. at that level, i would never restart a race, because, 1 - its not right; 2 - i know i am good enough to be able to catch up and then win the race.

in this game that i am playing now, i want to be hitting the pause button so many times, bang it, press it!!! i need a breather.

but then, i could not find the pause button in this game. should not have bought this game. not. should have bought tetris instead. now i am stuck, playing.

alert.

2009-03-09T19:16:00.000-07:00

people! people! tidak ada apa-apa sebenarnya.

just wanted to let everyone (that is actually no one) know that the daylight saving had taken place again.

i know, who the freaken cares? well, to those that actually count the time difference between here and home, before they text me, or what not. ya, this is just a red alert for you.

so now i am living 11 hours later then you all. meaning, count 11 backwards.

remember the last time that i mentioned on daylight saving, i had an extra hour to my life - to redo what was fun and undo what was wrong. well, no. i spent that one hour blogging about how i gained an hour to my life. how pathetic.

now, that hour gained is lost. i tried, i tried to save that one hour into the biggest tin can i can find, but none was big enough.

i had to sit and see that one hour just vanish. imagine how much i could have accomplish - like staring at the wall and creating imaginary images in the mind. yeap, i missed out on a lot on that one hour.

now, back to normalcy! at least its does not start to get dark at 5p.m.

now, even at 7, the sun still shines. so bright.

it feels more like the sun i see at home.

rise and fall of a coffee addict.

2009-03-07T17:24:00.000-08:00

i am not feeling very well.

you know how life is always equate to a rollercoaster ride? well, i just experienced the 270 turn.

for those loyal tolerator of my senselessness, let me let you into a new scoop.

for the past four months, i've changed occupation, and i've been working at Starbucks. its awesome fun to work there.

but my story is actually the end.

because, as you may (not) know, Starbucks Coffee Company is not dealing well with the bad economy status, and MANY stores, nationwide, are closing or had closed.

so, ya, you may have guessed it by now. the store that i worked at, received news of the possibility of it closing 7 months ago, and it was finally confirmed 3 weeks ago of that pending situation. and yesterday, was the end of that 3 weeks.

and it has left me with much mixed emotions. well, i am lucky that i am not being laid off work. but what saddens me is, the parting with everyone, with my awesome manager and starting anew, in a new location. alone.

i am so tired of meeting new people.

and screw it, attachment.

some of the many of us there.
homies, of Starbucks, at Bellaire & Wilcrest.

my little artpiece.

coffee, anyone?

15 unknwon facts.

2009-02-26T20:35:00.000-08:00

i've indirectly been tagged by Ily-geli Zalikha and by Yan in Facebook, about something something you have to write 15 facts about yourself and shit. ya, somekind. so since i've been tagged, or actually, i've always had this in mind to write it in my blog, on 15 unknown facts about ME.

[[you would not believe these facts.]]
[[shocking.]]

1. I know how to drive.

2. I have friends.

[[pretty unknown huh.]]

3. I have a friend named, Tan Mi Xuan, whom, i had devoted part of my life to, driving her around. and because of that, a year after passing her driving test and gotten her license, she is still unable to drive, confidently, alone. also because of the fact that she is always in my car, she is the only one that had the opportunity to go through all suicidal-heart-attacking moments in the car with me. but yet, she still always trusts me to be her driver.

4. I have a friend named, Lee Yan Ming, who passed her driving test, theory on first try, and practical on second try, if i am not mistaken. which is not bad at all for a person so short and with such small feet. but i don't think that she is driving yet, till today. cause of one factor, she lives up on a very steep hill, so she cannot get home, as in going up the hill. one time, she literally went downhill, backwards, because she did not know how to control the gears of a manual car. shame on her.

5. I have a friend named, Ng Shea Yuin, who past both her thoery and practical on first attempt, in freakin' perfect score! that i salute. emmm, but she never was my racing partner.

6. I have a friend named, Joanne Richie Richard, who past, and became my racing partner! we were the drivers, we were the racers. but of course, i always won the race. to prove that fact, Joanne end up buying my race car, cause, she knew, it would lead her to vicotry in other illegal racing she participate next time. (she needs to know that the driver still needs to have skill too.)

7. I have a friend, named Jennifer Cheng. she took her driving, not right after her birthday but way way after her birthday. she is pretty cool, so she past on first attempts. and started driving not long after. if she would have gotten her drivers license ealier, it would not only be me as the driver. but i know for a fact that, she would never be my race car rival, eventhough anything, because, she is Jennifer Cheng. (doesn't her name just somehow reveals the fact that she is not a race car driver? can anyone imagine her racing with me? if yes, please pass your thoughts to me.)

8. I have a friend, named Ng Poh Juan, she is cool. she is also my race car rival! oh yea! we often ask each other, 'eh, where did you park your car?'. she will always go, 'i have to park very far you know. i go round and round, then ai..'. ya. then whenever she had to stay longer in tuition, i would then give her my parking space, if it was nearer. thats what friends are for. she always thinks that she won the race, whenever we would race, but truth is, i would reach the destination, and she would take so long, i would then leave, then when she reaches, she sees no ejane, and thinks that she won. saddd..

9. I have a friend, named, Mei Chen, got her license in silence. and drove not long after, in silence.

10. I have a friend, named, Teoh Sui Ying, who is a year younger then all of us mentioned. she was drooling to the fact that everyone was driving and her 16th birthday was no where to be near. and you gotta be 17 years of ge to drive. but today, she has proudly pass her driving and gotten her license. but only when driving is already pretty old news. (though, i do still keep the driving topic very much alive). its always said that, 'teoh would be driving when eejane is flying'. oh, make that come true!

11. I have a friend named, Chan Mei Linn, who after passing her driving, had to practice her driving to perfection, with her mada, in her mada's big ass mercedez.

12. I have a friend named, Beh Shuh Pyng, who was my partner-not racing though. funnily, no. my partner-we went for driving lessons and lectures together. and ended our partnership after i past my driving test on first count. but it took her another four tries after her first try to hit the jackpot. it took her one year++ to sit on the driver's seat. i blame no one, i blame her poor hand-eye-leg-mind coordination. seriously. once, she was suppose to break, but instead hit on the accelerator. at that time, it was her sister who was beside her, guiding her, i admire her sister's courage. i would have pee-ed my pants.

13. I like fact number 12 most.

14. I am the proud successor of fact number 12.

15. I never get bored of fact number 12.

my 19th 19th.

2009-02-20T21:55:00.000-08:00

as for myself, i feel the day was all the same, don't think the sun did shine any brighter nor did the rain fall any harder.

but when people start pouring in their wishes, it was so overwhelming. it really was.

this time, the 19th of february started lasted a lot longer, its was from 10am on the 18th (which was 12am the 19th in Malaysia) till the 11.59 pm on the 19th, therefore, it was an overall of 37hours and 59minutes. pretty darn darn awesome, no?

like a typical oscar-winner's speech, i would like to thank;

all those that wished me, be it, you remembered, or someone reminded you, or from the services of Facebook/Friendster reminder,

thanks for taking the initiative to text me or drop your wish on Facebook/Friendster =) it meant a lot for every wish to swim across the seven seas to reach me,

those who wished me in Malaysian time zone, those who wished me in this time zone and a few who intended to wish me in this time zone but can never get thier math right.

i did reply some messages and i did not reply most. i apologize. i will be soon. but just so you know, if you happen to read, i received your message and it put a smile on my face.

anyway, on the day, i did not do anything as i had to go to school. but i went to watch a play, a play i've been wanting to watch,'Legally Blond' with my sista. ya, Legally Blond, the movie, and ya this was the Legally Blond, a play. it was hilarious. and almost similar to the movie. i enjoyed it alot. and made a wish, blew the candles and cut a cake to end the day.

that pretty much sumed up the event of my day.

but then again, i wanna point out that, the cake that i got from my friends, for my 18th birthday was by far the bestest yet. probably might be the best there is. it was a round netball field! actually, it was just a regular pandan cake, but thanks to the efforts of Jennifer, my great long friend, she made it into a green netball field-cake. it also had 7 players and 2 poles on it. oh, you would not believe it.

and this year, i am requesting for a wantan mee post birthday cake, from behskub. a plate/ a cake of wantan mee and candles on them! yes yes.

behskub's beehday.

2009-02-20T19:56:00.000-08:00

i am so ready to type type type. and i am definately starting off with birthdays and more birthdays.

first STOP, a HAPPY BIRTHDAY, 19th birthday, to my utmost dearest friend, BEHSKUB, ya, the one. though this post is a lil late, but still, happy birthday!

i am too far away to give her a hug. or even shout in her ears, 'happy birthday'. but then i dedicate this post, just for her. and allow me to write it in hokkien, our supreme language.

chap peh ho, jee quek, si chin nia ho eh jit lai, eng koi, si wa eh ho peng eui eh seh jit. ee leh si teh eh tua han eh, thats why, tah tah tau ee eh seh jit eh si leh, toh beh coh tua tua ho ee, eng koi, kana chi jit nia wa tui ee ho...chap peh ho khui liau, ee tah tah jit toh toh beh niau wa liau.

wah chai la, ee si boh kong chin nia lau koi wa nia, eng koi, keh jit toh si wa eh seh jit liau. hahahaha. tapi leh, wa koh si ai kong ee chin nia lau aa, chin eh ma, si ee kah lau koi wa. chi jit ho asi chi ni ho, lau toh si lau.

lu kua, even ee eh seh jit mun si niau wa. wa kong ane kuan eng koi, when kah liau lang lai celebrate ee eh seh jit eh si, kah liau lang mun lai celeberate the eve of wa eh seh jit...then carry on to celebrate wa eh seh jit. pian ka, wa eh seh jit si noh jit ane kuan. kam siah wa eh ho peng eui lo, ane ho sim, tiau ti seh chi jit before wa, so that kah liau lang eh celebrate wa eh eve ka wa eh seh jit in a row.

kin ni, wa si boh than peh peh kah ee celebrate, tapi wa chin nia kui sim ho ee eng koi ee uu than kah ee eh pah leh peng eui celebrate. although wa boh kah ee peh peh, wa uu ming kia ai ho kah liau lang kua...

chi leh toh si wa eh sipek ho peng eui...

(sorry for the poor quality photos. my spy was doing her best.)

kua, wa eh peng eui. ane tua han liau. koh leh ciat cake eh si bhan bhan ai pian liau...kah boi, cha ki nia, pin kah ane tua han liau. wa siang kah si cha meh nia kua diok ee ookh hua chia, kia jit, eh hiau cheng gun liau.

wa chai, nasi ee kua diok chi leh liau, ee tah tiok gia parang toh ai lai cham wa
eh, ah si mhe chai kio wa hami chau ua liau eh, tapi as always, tua ee eh sim kua, ee tua kam sia wa eh.

wa mun uu kah ee kong, lang lau liau, leng pun lau lau liau, baibai mun nua nua liau, so toh beh bhan bhan lai. eng koi, bo ane siau lian liau.

so again, a very happy birthday. save some, we will party again.

February!

2009-02-13T21:59:00.000-08:00

its February. i know you know that i know you know that but i still want to let you know, iiiiittttssss February.

February is the shortest month of the year.

February is the month of love, i would say, beacause,
- 13 days prior to Valentine's day, people set to the mood for Valentines.
- decorations of hearts, bears, furry stuff, expensive chocolates, couple stuffs, flowers, etc..
- 14 days after Valentines day, people are still in the mood.
it only fades away when the flowers die and when they realise how many kgs they put on from all the chocolates.
the boys would give the girl chocolates, girls would eat them because thats just a symbol of love they cannot resist.
the boys that chuck down chocolates because its just a symbol of rejection they cannot believe.

i guess, in the Romans' time, Valentine's day was a day to express love to your partner, but since its now the 21st century, Valentine's day is also commonly used to express love and care for those around us. when it comes to Valentine's day and love, people tend to be very cynical about it. love seems kinda overrated, is it not. but then, there is still plenty of truth in love.

i am no love-guru. neither do i wanna be a love-hater.

February is also very special, because two of my very close friends turn older. old! haha. one of them is the very-popularly-mentioned in my blog friend, yes, the ever so gila babi behskub and another friend, the very kononnya normal, yan ming.

few more days left for them. i shall not wish them yet, as i certainly do not want them to feel old before the day arrives. so sad, kena guna tongkat sudah...

i am so excited for you two old ding dongs. though i know i am no where near celebrating your birthdays. well, at least not on the real day, but i will be celebrating it when i see youl, thats for sure, and i am gonna shout 'OLD!' in your faces! haahahahah.

well, well, till then.

kepada Ezen yang sedang bersedih...

2009-02-09T19:09:00.000-08:00

kepada kawanku di situ, Ezen.

yang dalam beberapa jam lagi sudah akan bertolak ke Perth, Australia untuk melanjutkan pelajaran beliau.

sedih, tapi janganlah teramat sedih, ya.

menangis tapi janganlah menghujani Taiping dengan air matamu itu.

percaya yang ia abadi. percaya yang ia tidak akan lagi menghilang dari pangkalanmu.

alangkah baik kalau yang saya dapat berada di Taiping bersama anda bergila-gila dan bergurau-senda, sebagaimana seperti anda ada semasa saya meninggalkan tanah air Malaysia ini,

tetapi, ya, saya akan berada di Malaysia menunggu kepulanganmu, akan saya melompat-lompat dalam keriangan sambil memegang kadbod dengan nama anda bersama Mizen, di pagar lapangan terbang.

jadi, ya, selamat tinggal dan semoga semuanya akan kembali baik dan semoganya anda berbaik-baik di tempat orang. memandailah menjaga diri agar ekspidisi bahagia kami dapat termakbul.

sehingga kami berjumpa lagi... [hugss]

just voicing out opinions.

2009-02-04T19:46:00.000-08:00

2 issues.

issue #1:
is the government or the education board/minister or whatever body in charge serious in considering to change both Math and Science back to Bahasa Malaysia?

well, this actually only occured to me when i saw a protest on this matter on the internet recently. there was one theatre activist that appeared on the video, berucap akan hujahnya.

his first point : "macam mana hendak memartabatkan bangsa melayu? - kerana kedaulatan bangsa adalah bahasa, selain daripada budaya."
~ pertama sekali, apa yang ada berkaitan dangan satu-satu bangsa dengan bahasa yang digunakan sebagai medium yang digunakan di sekolah untuk pembelajaran dan pelajaran? tidak, tiada ada apa-apa yang berkaitan, pada pandangan saya. jikalau satu-satu bangsa tidak berdaulat atau apa-apapun, isu ini tidak boleh berkait dengan soal bahasa yang digunakan di sekolah. isu itu patut dikait dengan kekuatan pengaruh satu-satu bangsa itu.

his second point : "tidak wujud sebenarnya bangsa Malaysia. nonsense ini. hanya wujud bangsa cina, bangsa india dan bangsa melayu.."
~ ONE WORD : RACISM????

his third point : " zaman batu 1345 (kalau tak silap dia) dia datang sini sudah wujud bangsa melayu, jauh sebelum itu sudah wujud bangsa melayu dengan budaya melayu dengan bahasa melayu, tiba-tiba nak tukar kepada bahasa lain,...selama ini kalau kita ada pakar apa, pakar bedah ke pakar apa, apa asasnya, asasnya bahasa melayu.."
~ zaman batu sudah...dunia ini kian bertukar, kian bermoden, tidakkan kita hendak berundur hingga ke zaman batu yang manusia masih bertelanjng? mak shaduh... memang, asasnya bahasa melayu, yang bukan asasnya apa? oleh itu, kalau diajar bahasa inggeris di peringkat awal lagi, tidaklah payah kalau mencapai tahap yang tidak lagi asas.

his fourth point : "apa musibat bahasa melayu hinggakan orang melayu sendiri tidak mendaulatkan bahasa melayu?"
~ adakah selepas dasar mengajar Math dan Science dalam bahasa inggeris dilaksanakan, penggunaan bahasa melayu antara orang melayu dan antara masyarakat Malaysia berkurang dengan sebegitu kritikal hinggakan kedaulatan bahasa melayu telah hilang?

well, 2003, its been seven years since teaching Maths and Science in English has been enforced, and i think that it should stay that way. i maybe naive but then, it does seem like English is the worlds' language as of right now, no? yes, Bahasa Malaysia is indeed our national language, and that heritage should never never be forgotten, sure enough. but this should not be an issue concerning that. this is more inclined on the issue concerning the future developement of our country. and progressive deveploement of a country depends on the younger generations, and therefore, therefore. go figure.

besides, we do have a fair share of subjects that are taught in Bahasa Malaysia, like moral, history, geography and all others that are not Science and Maths.

kesimpulannya, isu mengajar matematik dan sains dalam bahasa Inggeris tidak harus dikaitkan dengan kedaulatan bangsa negara Malaysia.

i hope they do not jeopardize the 7 years of effort being put out by teachers and students and just end it all.

issue #2:
tahukah anda bahawa industri muzik Malaysia dan Indonesia berkontroversi. kini Malaysia hanya membenarkan 10% muzik Indonesia untuk dimainkan di radio-radio Malaysia dan 90% mestilah tempatan.

i am a listener of malay music. be it Malaysian, or Indonesian, as long as its good music, i am up to it.

so again, yes i saw this program that was held last year on this controversy and Malaysian artists had claimed that;
1. mereka tidak diberi ruang untuk membaikkan kualiti muzik mereka kerana industri muzik Malaysia dominen dengan muzik-muzik Indonesia.
2. kalau artist Malaysia diundang untuk membuat konsert, dibayar tiga ribu, kalau sebut saja artist Indonesia, terus bayar tiga puluh ribu.
3. radio-radio kian saja memain muzik Indonesia.

so what they wanted was for them to have chance to be able to show what they are capable of and their potential as musicians. therefore, came this 90:10 thing. which i find very ridiculous. the only listeners of Malaysian music and Indonesian music are Malaysians and Indonesians. don't think there is any other country that understands the language, so why must it be Indonesia, Indonesia yang punya, Malaysia, Malaysia yang punya. because, if you are good and have the potential, then given space or time or chance, you will be noticed. its only because you know you are not that good that you fear for competition.

music is very much like sports. it kinda brings people together. but in this case, its just between Indonesia and us, us and Indonesians and not the whole world. music is free, music is no politics.

because after all, do you think that the 90:10 will stop fans from indulging in Indonesian music and build a stronger fan base in the Malaysian music? guess its a no.

moo away

2009-02-01T22:08:00.000-08:00

later tonight in Malaysia would be pai thi kong. my favourite part of the Chinese New Year.

speaking of which, a late GONG XI FA CAI, KONG HEI FATT CHOI, KIONG HE-KIONG HE to all.

needless to say but this is the worst celebration i've ever EVER had. well, actually, there was not even a celebration to begin with.

i was working on the eve. i was in school on the first day, second day whatever..

i feels so shitty to go through the Chinese New Year like that. while all my friends and my dearest uncles and aunties and grandparents partay their heads off, i am here, sitting on my table, reading the American history and bursting with envy.

i definately anticipated the festive spirit but then it did hit me. on the 2nd day of Chinese New Year, there was a sudden outburst of homesickness (or whatever that befallen upon me that day) so overwhelming.

well, again, i know, changes is part of the time equation.

but i still wished i was back celebrating the Chinese New Year with everyone.

been missing out.

but well, i do hope everyone had a great blast. welcoming the year of the ox, or in common terms, cow. moo moo cow.

finals of the aussy open

2009-02-01T15:25:00.000-08:00

this picture says it all.
well, huge congratulations to Rafa.

it was an incredible match between Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal.

the dream final.

the repeat of the one of the greatest match played at the Wimbledon.

i stayed up till 7.30am in the morning to watch the match. though my eyelids were as heavy as elephants but it was worth every strength i used to open my eyes.

every point played were just brilliant and ingenious.

Roger played well, but Rafael outplayed him.
it was obvious that Rafael was so mentally stronger and had the believe that he could win against Roger. though Rafael was definately physically so beat up from his semi-final match against Verdasco.
Roger had doubt all over his face. it was obvious. very indecisive in shot making whereas Rafa had his game plan right on.
the third championship point came and gone too fast.

but anyway, i felt for Roger. he cried so bad. Roger is afterall, human.

it was really touching how Rafa displayed a whole lot of humane and gave Roger the half hug and apologized for this win, though it was clearly no one's fault.

what made this final so special was it was the FIRST time both Roger and Rafa meet in a major hard court final. it was Rafa's FIRST major hard court final. and it was their FIRST meet after the amazing final in Wimbledon of '08.

Nadal has conquered every surface now. hard, grass, clay.

now coming into the clay season, VAMOS RAFA.

terbangkanku.

2009-01-30T22:43:00.000-08:00

Laskar Pelangi

nidji

mimpi adalah kunci

untuk kita menakhlukkan dunia

berlarilah tanpa lelah

sampai engkau meraihnya
laskar pelangi

takkan terikat waktu

bebaskan mimpimu di angkasa

warnai bintang di jiwa
menarilah dan terus tertawa

walau dunia tak seindah surga

bersyukurlah pada Yang Kuasa

cinta kita di dunia

selamanya…

cinta kepada hidup

memberikan senyuman abadi

walau hidup kadang tak adil

tapi cinta lengkapi kita
laskar pelangi

tak kan terikat waktu

jangan berhenti mewarnai

jutaan mimpi di bumi
menarilah dan terus tertawa

walau dunia tak seindah surga

bersyukurlah pada Yang Kuasa

cinta kita di dunia
menarilah dan terus tertawa

walau dunia tak seindah surga

bersyukurlah pada Yang Kuasa

cinta kita di dunia

selamanya

selamanya

ku terjatuh cinta dengan lagu ini.

ini menukar perspektifku terhadap dunia dan hidupku di dunia ini...walaupun tidak banyak.

cinta tetap ada melengkapi kita, walaupun cinta yang menyakiti, cinta tetap membaiki.

walaupun dunia tidak seindah dunia, dunia ini, hidup kita ini tetap penuh dengan cinta, cinta yang menjadi keindahan yang tidak tertanding.

lepaskan mimpi anda. di sekitar angkasa.

warnailah dunia ini dengan seribu warna-warni.

bersyukur kerana adanya hidup ini...

terbanglah ke mana mimpi anda mampu membawa.

terbangkanku kepadamu, mimpiku.

lecturers and classes and people.

2009-01-23T23:02:00.000-08:00

end of this week means the end of my first week in school, after one year long thrasing out.

ask how i feel? - well, i feel nothing. my excitement has really gone down the drain. after all, its been one whole damn year. all feelings was lost, only neutral. thats the only emotion that runs through my blood now. but then again, i do hope school would take me by suprise and make me excited..

i am taking 4 classes. 3 out of 4 of my lecturers are soooooooooooooo old. so old. 2 are balding and has spotted bald heads. maybe if i look closer, they have mushrooms growing out on those spots.

one of them speaks so soft. and i have a feeling, he is teaching like a robot and not out of passion and interest anymore. he goes on and on and on and on. he is so monotonous, luckily, i do not suffer from ADHD. but he is a good teacher.

another balding spotted lecturer is what-are-you-talking-about??? he is so old that - 1. he cannot write properly because he cannot stop jiggletwicthfidget-ing when writing. it cannot be any more cakar than that. and to make it all worse is that he does not want any report/assignment handwritten. it shows that the fella tidak pernah cerminkan diri. 2. i don't know what the fella merepekkan. what he lectures is like a jigsaw puzzle to me that i am suppose to solve piece by piece as he goes on and on.

this is my Introduction to Engineering class lecturer. and now that i am here in the mahuan country, they have the customary units and of course, the S.I units. customary units are pound (lb), mile (mi) to name a few, whereas the S.I units that are used in the whole world are, kg and meter. therefore, whatever calculations that are done are to be done in both units. so my first class was about converting S.I units to the customary units. one part of that session was like so;

1 feet = 12 inch

1 ft^2 = 144 inch^2

correct?

but instead of 144inch^2, he wrote 12inch^2. so i asked. and the only answer he gave me was, 'i could have wrote that.' ya, so why not???? why shitting not? what? what do you mean you could have? gisssss. i truly hope he is not lou moh. ergh.

next old lecturer is after all not that old but he has had multiple heart attacks before and recently had a heart surgery. i do hope he stays healthy and do not suddenly... ... ... you know. i sure do not need that kinda adrendaline to pump me up.

and the fourth lecturer is the only one that does not absorb all my good energy away...

kill me if you can.

so in this lou moh's class, at the end, i understood what he was scribbling and mumbling about. so i manage to go with him on my notes. therefore, at the end of the class, two girls came up to me and asked if they could borrow my notes for awhile to jot down, then bla bla bla...one girl is from Thailand, and another one from err, Africa? but whatever, this Thailand girl, said, 'i am gonna sit beside you next time.' i smiled. how not ejane right? but this was what ran through my head, 'you gotta be kidding me! i seriously do not feel like sitting beside you. i will only consider if you change that outfit of yours, but i do not guarentee.' i am mean, aren't i? besides, i am not any smarter. i do not wanna dissapoint her. and also the guy sitting beside me right now is not bad himself, so i rather not have her. typical loner, but thats just me. i seriously do not need someone bugging me all the time about notes while the lou moh is talking. so yaa..go figure.

well......though only a week. life is getting so tiresome.

aussy open #2

2009-01-23T22:33:00.000-08:00

updates on the Australian Open ( i do wonder if anyone knows what i am talking...)

but anyhow,

1. major major upsets - Venus Williams lost in the 2nd round to Carla Suarez Navarro of Spain. Venus had so many chances and was serving for the match but could not serve out. and she went downhill after that. Navarro had pretty solid backhand, almost similar to those of Henin's.
- Ana Ivanovic lost in the 3rd round to someone i forgot her name. Ana...ana...ana...i do feel for her.

2. Marion Bartoli lost weight! she looks awesome now.

3. Roddick lost 15 pounds too! and he is playing great. commentators said that if there is anyone that will pull an upset to the men's top 4, it would be him, and i hope he upsets Novak.

4. Novak changed his racket to Head. Roddick changed racket/racket colour.

Novak's match against Amer Delic in the 3rd round was an awesome match. Amer, the 127th rank player in the world played like the top 20s. Amer is a Bosnian-borned-American and Novak is Serbian. i do not know whats the history of both that country, as far as i know, both that country used to be Yugoslavia back in the 90's and now its separated to about 5 other countries. so anyway, when both of them played and Novak won in the end, Bosnian and Serbian fans outside the court threw chairs at each other and injuring a woman when a chair hit her on the head. police officers and security officers came in and took them people out of the park.

during a women's double's match, when Venus and Serena was on court and during a break, a spectator, or a ku-ku head (what the word used to describe this kinda people?) jump down to the court, bottomless and danced around for almost 1 minute before the security came in. it was ugly.

so far thats all.

aussy open #1

2009-01-20T21:53:00.000-08:00

a year had came and gone, 4 grand slams had came and gone.

now is the AUSSY AUS AUSTRALIAN OPEN all over again. first grand slam of the year.

its been only 3 days into the tournament, and major things that i took notice are:

1. Rafael Nadal is hot, as always. but ya, he changed his outfit. all so fresh look. he is wearing sleeves! and shorts that shows his knees.

2. James Blake change sponsor, from Nike to Fila. (??!!) personal opinion, after Yonex, Fila has one of the worse designs.

3. Roger Federer cut off his goldy locks.

anyway, going in the early rounds, Nadal is playing awesome. he crashed his first round opponent, C. Rochus 0-2-2.

Federer is playing his game. pass round 2. well, of course.

i have not yet, watched the other two contenders, Murray and Djokovic play. but, i am sure without a doubt, Novak is as cocky as he can be, moreover, he is the champion last year, coming in to this tournament.

pretty dissapointed to see Hewitt lost to Gonzalez in a 5 setter.

anybody watched the women's match between the american wild card, Mchale and australian Moore, it was all the way, OUCH.

still too early to name the potential champion. but sure enough, VAMOS RAFA!

bing bong the blob.

2009-01-17T16:23:00.000-08:00

firstly, before you lay your eyes on the rest of the post, you are warned that the contents might be too detailed or disturbing to be read. but if you are kewl, its nothing pretty much. its just life.

secondly, some might know, some that do not know, i have a thing, a bad thing, for/(against) breast. lately, the issue of breasts came to me because my mada have been bugging me a lot about my breast. i know, totally (??!!) right?

my breasts have been in the growing process for about the past 8 years.

in this period of time, i have many personal thoughts on my breasts... and hey, who knows, probably, its a common thought among many other girls too. so here goes;

initial stage : 'er, why do i have to wear a singlet, mum? i don't care, i am just gonna wear my t-shirt.'

late initial stages : 'this bra strip is so shitting uncomfortable. its like a string tied over my shoulder and body. err, why do my chest have to grow?'

mid stage : 'what? its still growing?'

late mid stage : 'bras are so expensive. if only i can spend those money on some better stuff. but whatever, its not that i wanna buy it, mum asked me to. and by the way, can that sales lady stop staring at my chest, i am not quite comfortable with that. moreover, its an open space - people do walk by. gis.'

maturing stage : 'is this big? i need to win the 100m race. i would do so much better without you. sure don't need you bouncing up my face for every step i run. i need to hold you down, tight. fleshy blob.'

late maturing stage : 'whatever.'

final stage : 'has it stopped growing? guess so. or not? whatever. as long as it stays at an appropriate size.'

so ya. i used to wear bras that looked like the kamikaze pilot's helmet. like so..
(no offense to anyone affliated to the kamikazes)
then to bigger ones and then one day, a sports bra came smacked on my face and since then i started to wear them and never came back to wearing odinary cup bras. sports bra are the bomb! they provide all round cushion, a very tight and secure security and a guarentee of less bounce to the flesh blobs and it keeps you warm on cold days.

i know, its called sports bra for a reason, for sports. but well, its not wrong to wear it all the time.

then came one day, my mada was so suddenly-unnecessarily worried about my habit, she asked me to get a wired and sponged bra. well, of course, i say do not waste your money, but she insisted, i followed along. it was bare. errr. i wore that for not long and that wire start jutting out and got out of shape. from a smiley curve to a 90 degree bend. i sure don't need that for comfort. and when i had that on, and i told Beh, my very popular and often mentioned-in-my-blog friend, that i am wearing an odinary bra, she went, 'beh kuai la..siang kah kah tua ane kuan. tua loh.' dang her.

after that bra was ruined, i went back to my nice comfy sports bra.

and now, again, my mada is bugging me about it. yo! she said;

1. that my breast is being bind and bound so tightly, its not growing.
(farny, it had kinda overgrown or probably stopped growing.)
2. i need to let them out to play, i mean breathe.
(no one is gonna play it. duh.)
3. its not well supported and therefore, the next time, later part of my long life, when i take off my bra, my breasts are gonna droop and fall right down to gravity.
(well, i am now making sure i do not live that long.)

but;

1. i do not like my skin of my breasts to touch my clothes. just seem to sensitive to touch.
2. i always have the feel that my nipple is not tugged in.
3. i do not like my breast touching my breast. like when you sleep sideways. though i am more of a back sleeper than a side sleeper.
4. its prone to cancer/tumor growth when being bound like that. i think, fuck that. there are more to life than to worry about this.
5. and i do not agree with all my mada's theories.

anyway, so now i am wearing regular bras, i hope my mada gets over her suddenly-unnecessarily concern over my blobs.

and speaking of this, let me ask you, fellow readers,
1. what did the left breasts said to the right breast?
2. can you pronouce BREASTS the right way? if yes, say it!

did you know :
1. my friends and i have a song on our friend's breast. spontaneously created it. breasts geniuses.
2. i asked my English language teacher how to pronouce the plural of breast correctly, before. (in case you are wondering, she acknowledged my question but she did not answer me. ya and its a she.)

what if?

2009-01-11T16:38:00.000-08:00

if there is a time machine,

if there is a genie,

if there is time travel,

if there is a shooting star that grands wishes,

if there is a bottomless wishing well,

i would want to travel back in time.

just to this one day, a saturday,

on this very minute, on a morning,

because

i would want to rephrase an answer to a golden question.
my answer was, 'er, ya.'

what if my answer was, 'er, belum lagi'?

would things be any different then?
prabably.

would things be any different now?
not.

but then again, i do not lose anything.

many a times, i regretted my answer but it was not a wrong answer. my answer did not givce any less than what i expected. but i have always,

always,

wondered,

...

what would the outcome be,...

if my answer was not my answer.

what?

oh.

**** right?

2009-01-01T17:44:00.000-08:00

its finally 2009. are we just lucky or unlucky to have lived another year?

maybe.

well, really, its just any other day.

4 days into new year, i still feel like the **** i used to feel. every morning after.

does not make me any wiser.

but what the ****, lets just wish that for the next 365 days, would be the **** of days.

i themed my 2009 a year of adventure. venture of all sorts. i shall go out for that.

lets then venture the **** out and share!

let bahagia live and live bahagia.

my two parts of '08.

2008-12-28T23:20:00.000-08:00

its already the 29th. new year is coming. Earth finally made it around the sun.

its been a long year, ain't it? though, from day to day, month to month basis, time seems to just fly by but if you look back to the beginning of the year, its been quite a loooong year. long damned year.

my year is kinda separated into two. the first half and the second half.

my first half of the year, was by far the most care-free, fun, krazy drunk driving year. no school. no homework, just absolute freedom and time spent on what i want to do. at least most of the time, yes. my time spent around friends. on fun fun fun stuff and just an ultimate insignificant stuff that i chose to spend my time on. because the period after SPM and before results, IS the time that you will never have after that.

the beginning of the year, many hours of my time was still devoted to school affliated stuff. like finishing up the school magazine. and of course, training the school netball team. that was time most well spent. netball, ah.

when not doing school stuff, i spend my time driving around. driving people around, driving myself around from one place to another.

the first half of the year, many of my evenings was spend in the Lake Gardens, in the squash court, in the gym and in my garden, playing badminton. despite rain or shine.

Chinese New Year, birthdays after birthdays.

baking, cooking, inventing.

when results came, people started getting busy with applications of all kinds, whereas, it was not much of a hassle for me. so my string of insignificant activities continues.

all in all, life could not have been any more wasted and fun, at the same time.

came the second half of my year. the black of my white first half. the shittiest of my life, by far. but well, my second half of this year (which will also be most years of my shitting life) spend here, in the United States of not-Malaysia. the first half to the second half of my year was like a period of my life filled with friends to a period of total subzero number of friends.

from being a driver for a year to a passenger for 5months. thus, depriving me from A LOT of stuff.

from never-in-a-second of my life living without a maid to living without a maid every second.

from squash every evening to a country 9.5 out of 10 people never heard off what is squash.

from not living with my dada for the last 10 years to living with him, i have to be real honest, i am still only getting used to, even after 7 months.

from never working in my life to working 5 days a week, and the only time i get human interaction that keeps me sane.

this shows that i spend most of my time of my second half, being real pathetic, in my way of life. i work, do chores and watch movies. after i am able to drive, at least i spend many hours getting lost as a way to spend time. movies, i have watched almost a hundred movies now, in 7 months. and the rest of the time in between all that, being pathetic.

the second part of my year, was very well expected and anticipated. but i was stil very bump out, initially. ya. i am still a lil now. but its been 7 months, how long should i stay pathetic? 7 months is a long time. probably some people i know would have forgotten me already, that is how long 7 months is already.

i try not to be pathetic and see the silver lining in my new life. whenever i start ranting to my friends on how madafaaking pathetic i am, they always tell me, don't worry, when you find friends, you will be better. but not having friends is one matter of many matters. being and living in a new place is just not that easy. yet again, humans are always not content with what they have, those who are home yearns to be somewhere and like me, away, faraway from home, yearns not to be here. but that just to bad, i was never excited about it.

for this second half, i've been on the biggest rollercoaster of emotions. and no one sits beside me on this ride. its me to make myself happy, when i am made unhappy, its me to make myself happy. when i feel talkative, its me i talk to. when i feel like going out for lunch, its myself and the magazine on the table. when i cry, its me who comforts myself. when i am angry, its my tears i put out on. when i feel like laughing, i have no one to make me laugh. thus, i do not laugh. i think i might have lost my humour altogether.

i am getting so used to living alone, i sometime feels like the old woman that lives with her seven cats.

but it is the beginning of the rest of my days.

this year has been a year filled with bumps and lumps of life, and i bulldozered everyone.

2009 will not come with any suprises for me. and i am not hoping for any. it would just be another 5 months of pure begitulah.

i shall have no complaints. come what may.

sleeplessness is drugdictive.

2008-12-26T19:29:00.000-08:00

been out for sometime. was busy, but busy with what, i do not really know. Christmas has now come and gone, just like ash being blown in the wind. and in a few days, its the friggin' NEW YEAR. its so scary. anyway, thats another matter that i will touch later on.

as of right now, i have been out of bed for 34 hours now. seriously. but i am still here, friggin' blogging my butt out. it is a krazy attempt. but then, i feel rather fine. how robotic.

it started with me waking up at 11.50 a.m. Christmas morning. went out for a lunch with my dada and a close fellow family friend. came back home, i managed to sneak a 20minute nap and then was off to another all-Malaysian Christmas party. ate and out. and went to the movies to watch Marley and Me, a good movie based on a true story. then came home, continued on my business and talked to Ezen about life and kebahagiaan while still busy meddling with my business. then after finish talking with Ezen, i was still on with my business and then off to work i went, at 5.00a.m. friggin' early.

after work, sharp at noon, i came home, continued with my business and then off i went out to final my business and then i got lost in nowhereland, wasted my hours away and then i went for my squash and to the gym. and came back, had a lil food after a whole day long just on bread and peanutbutter, watched Houston Rockets losing to New Orleans Hornets and here i am. bloggin' on my friggin' krazy sleepless hours.

the result is rather suprising. i only felt sleepy at work, when i was on my break. and when i am driving in the car, oh, my eyes can barely open themselves. therefore, i had to blast the radio, and sing along real loud. and of course when i play squash and work my ass off in the gym, nothing really bothers me. now, as i sit here on my bed, bloggin', sleepiness ain't quite sinking in yet.

I SURE DO WISH I BECOME PERMANENTLY UNABLE TO GO TO SLEEP.

imagine all the time i save on sleeping.

i would wanna make it 36 hours or maybe 48 but i am afraid to want to. somehow. and i am working again later, at 5.45a.m. friggin' early again. and i do not want a sudden blow of headache which is indeed common in my nuthead.

very well, this would be one hell of a sleep i would wanna sleep.

oh, i hope everyone had a wonderful christmas, no matter how and where you celebrated it. and i promised Joanne to post some photo of the decorations around here. be coming out shortly. after i get sleeeeeep.

snowed.

2008-12-10T21:36:00.000-08:00

it snowed on me today!

yes, it snowed today.

initially, i was just snowing really lightly, i thought it was only drizzling. could not care less about it but then it got heavier, and ice started to fall.

and it was snowing.

i was so trilled.

this is my first time being snowed on. it was fun. pretty. and of course, very new to me.

when it snows, i just feel like sitting out under it and feel the snow falling on my face but its not quite possible. because when it snows, it means the temperature is almost or at freezing point. so ya.

still freezing...

and i got to write on the surface on my car out of snow.

my gramma the joker.

2008-12-07T21:28:00.000-08:00

been out for a bit, was not feeling well. might be coming up with suicidal disease.

its really really cold tonight. and during the day, was warm and it rained. damn the unstable weather.

but don't matter, because, today i am in a mood to share a joke.

a joke, so funny, so original and so faRRRRRny.

but unfortunately, you gotta understand hokkien well enough to get the joke. i've told this joke to some of my friends, and it never failed to make them laugh. it never fails to make me laugh everytime i retell it.

its so funny, its an immortal joke. at least to me, it will live forever.

so, see, my gramma and my mada are always arguing. arguing just about everything under the sun. one night...

(not the exact words, but close enough)
gramma : mah chai uu cho kang bo?
mada : uu. mah chai bank ka liau uu kui.
gramma : si meh? mah chai mhe si hua nah tua jit chi meh?
mada : si, tapi bank uu kui.
gramma : wa eh peng eui kong bank bo kui, bo cho kang.
mada : wa tua bank cho kang eh, wa tak tiok chai bank uu kui bo la.
gramma : wa mana chai, wa tia wa eh peng eui kong bank bo kui.
mada : lu kui jit tia lu eh peng eui kong. ka ki cha bo kia cho tua bank lu kah lai bo siong sin.

so me, being the peacemaker, as always, tried to make peace...

me : yo, ama, lu kui jit tia lu eh peng eui kong eh ua..
gramma : =P
me : lu eh peng eui tua bank cho kang eh aa?
gramma : =P
me : hah, lu eh peng eui tua bank cho kang eh hio?
gramma : si la.
me : *supersuprised* cho ha mi eh?
gramma : =P ee tua bank chit kia eh laa.
me : harharhahrhahhahahahahalaughlaughlaughharhahrhahahahhaha
gramma : ???
me : hahahahahahrharharharharharhahrahrhahrahrahrhahrarhahrharh

no wonder, the friend do not need to go to work. its true, what the friend said, 'bank bo cho kang', but bank are open for the more important positions to cho kang! duh. haha.

english translation :

gramma : are you working tomorrow?
mada : yes. banks are open tomorrow.
gramma : you sure? i thought the malays are celebrating an occassion tomorrow.
mada : yes, but banks are still open.
gramma : but my friend said that banks are closed tomorrow.
mada : i work in the bank, of course i know if the banks are open or not.
gramma : i don't know but my friend told me that banks are closed tomorrow.
mada : you always listen to what your friend says. i work in the bank and you rather believe what your friend told you.
**
me : yo, ama. you always believe everything your friend tells you.
gramma : =P
me : your friend works in the bank?
gramma : =P
me : does your friend work in the bank??
gramma : ya.
me : what does she do in the bank?
gramma : she is the window cleaner laaaa.
me : >,<

my gramma is an awful good joker.

this ain't gramma's story, its gramma's joke, youl.

confusions.

2008-11-29T18:10:00.000-08:00

i am confused.

i always mistaken Shell gas station for McDonalds. it would be like, 'oh, i think i might wanna get meself some fries..but dang, its the Shell station.'

this is, of course, because of the similar colours. from afar, when i see, red-yellow, it means McDonalds. but its actually Shell gas station. and around here, many Shell stations have McDonalds. (like a partnership or somewhat, that where there is a Shell station there is a McDonalds.) so sometimes, it is McDonalds that i am seeing from far, but come near, it transforms to Shell station. therefore, now, i find it hard to trust the colour red-yellow.

till now, i do not know why, i am still not used to getting to the drivers seat of the car on the left hand side. i would walk straight up on the right side and then realise oh, no, its the other side..and walkkkk all the way around the car to the other side. frustrates me!

mati mati mati.

bamsmashsquicksquack!

2008-11-26T15:59:00.000-08:00

this was what happened to me yesterday night. first, let me explain each picture in detail..

picture 1 : see. i was the first car. together with another car on my right hand side, waiting for the red light. as i waited, i was shivering in the cold and grooving to the music on the radio. anyway, the arrows indicate the direction of flow of the traffic. those striped area indicates pavement of somekind. and this T-junction is close by one another, being that one junction to another junction is not far and wide apart, its close and near-apart.

picture 2 : then, i saw a car coming from my opposite direction, driving just smoothly. and then, out of no where, i also see a car coming from the other direction, on my left, coming on at quite a speed. at that moment, i think of nothing, of course. still grooving, still shivering.

picture 3 : out of a sudden, without warning, i realised that both cars were not stopping. what made matter worst was, the 'striped area' between those car A and car B is a fly-over, thus, neither car can see each other. then in about 2 seconds later, both the cars did not stop, BAM!SMASH!SQUICKSQUAK! after bamsmashsquicksquak...in that split of .5 seconds, because of the impact, car A changed direction, and because it was travelling at quite a speed, it lost control after colliding with car B, and changed direction going towards me. at that angle (in broken lines), drawn above.

at that moment, as i witness the whole bamsmashsquicksquak then the-car-losing-its-control-towards-me, i thought, madafaka, its gonna hit me! its so gonna gonna hit me. and i sit there helplessly on the driver's seat of the car. staring at car A.

my reflex was to turn my steering to the right, and, yes, i did so.

but at about just 3 meters shy of hitting me/my car. the driver managed to gain control of the car and turn towards the patch of grass. (as drawn)

the front of car B was as good as crumpled metal.

not long after, the lights turned green. i left but cars beside me, at the back of me all stayed, gasping in disbelief. i, on the other hand, tackled my shock by driving away...while still absorbing the shockness, and while the adrendaline rush in my blood cools off.

then as i reflash, you know what stupid faak i did? though, i turn my steering, it would not help anyhows, because my foot was still on the brakes. tight on the brakes. what the hell... now i know how anxiety and panic can cause a person to not react and think right.

if you all might not know, if i were to die, in a situation which is unforeseen, i would wanna die in a tragic car accident. this experience was the closest i have come to an accident. though if car A were to hit me, i would not even be injured, what more death. but well, yes, i would wanna die in a tragic accident. just seems a nice way to die.

but oh, well...

my sandwiches.

2008-11-23T10:06:00.000-08:00

yesterday, i had a bag full filled with cookies, sandwiches and a cuppa coffee. i placed it on the passenger seat and was on my way driving home. with a tendency to drive at super fast speed, i accelerated and accelerated. it was also because i could see that all the traffic lights ahead of me was all greeeen. so anyway, as i was near to passing the traffic light ahead of me, it turned yellow then red. i had to make a sudden stop because there are cameras on the lights.

so anyway, i stopped. sudden. stop. and with the great inertia, that bag fell to the floor. still driving, i quickly pick up the bag to prevent the coffee from spilling. luckily, it did not spill, just a little splash, as the lid was on tight enough. and all the cookies was still in the bag. but damn it, my sandwiches was all over the floor. and they were touching the floor already.

i was so frustrated with myself. frustrated with the existance of inertia. frustrated that i had to drive so fast. frustrated that i may not be able to eat my sandwiches anymore. frustrated at the floor. ergh!!!!!!!!!!!!

frustrated, while still driving, i bend all the way to the floor of the passenger seat and i picked up one of the sandwich and stuffed into my mouth. boy, it tasted good. it was a turkey and swiss sandwich. and then the other one.

it was night, it was dark, and i was driving and there were plenty of cars on my left and right, so i could not check if there were any foreign particle but what the hell, and just ate it.

ask me why i did that?

because i am mad at the floor that it touched my sandwiches first, even before i get to touch it.

because i am mad at the floor for taking my sandwiches virginity even before i get to. the floor UNvirgined my sandwiches.

and therefore, i had to show the floor who is boss.

and that is why i did what i did.

stupid floor.

this counselor..

2008-11-20T20:57:00.000-08:00

for the last few days, i have been doing some revision for an evaluation test that i have to take in order to enroll into college for the spring intake in January. i found out that i totally dang it, forgot my trigonometry and some math formula. i seriously cannot imagine that something that comes so automatically to me a year ago, i would totally forget it now. anyway, so on Tuesday, i took the test, finally, praying that i will somehow pull through.

it was a 4 paper, untimed test. reading, writing, essay-writing and math. because its untimed, i took my time to do it. and math was the last section of the test. and trigonometry was the last topic in the math test. and by then, it was already since 4 and 1/2 hours ago that i sat there. so when came to the trigonometry questions, i was too washed out to even think. so those long complicated questions, i did not bother thinking and just guessed an answer. but anyway, overall, i did well for math, just not that well for the trigonometry part.

so after that, i went to see a counselor. this red-headed counselor was a lil eccentric. i think. she talks to herself and has an eccentric fidgetty manner. but anyway, so after she put my test results in the system, and then we talked about what classes i must take for the first semester...blablabla...and there are 3 classes that i have to take in my first semester. and that makes 9 credit hours. at first, i have no idea what '9 credit hours' meant. the counselor was explaining to me that probably 3 classes would be more than enough for me.

to me, 3 classes, is like, what? only 3? but then, i asked her, can i take more than 3 classes? she said yes, but you will be spending 9 hours for this classes already. and she was advicing me not to take anymore classes if i don't have to.

so i was like huh? what talking you? so i asked, err, 9 hours, being 9 hours a day? and her answer was, no, 9 hours a week. [9 hours a WEEK. <>. i was thinking, she must be kidding me. is 9 hours a week a lot? my god.] in a week, i have 168 hours, and taking up 9 of that 168 would kill me? i don't think so. and besides, come to think of it, i have spent 9 hours and more in school before. and many times. sometimes, more than 2 days in a row.

this counselor, ah, was of no help. whatever that i asked, i did not get the answer i want. real bedebah.

anyway, i was asked where i came from. so i said Malaysia. and she said, 'oh, Indonesia, the country with the most population of Muslims.' then i said, 'i came from Malaysia.' and she went 'oh,oh, but its near Indonesia right?' so to not make her feel bad about herself, i made as if it was an ok mistake. so i said, 'yes, it is, it is also near Singapore.' and she was, 'ya. ya.' but i doubt she knows.

and then at the end of our fruitless session, she said, 'so Malaysia huh, not Indonesia. ah, stupid Americans.' i was like, oooook, you don't have to be so hard on yourself. gis. what the hell? haha.

haih. apala.

handwritten-writings.

2008-11-19T17:01:00.000-08:00

this is how SS i can get. deal with it, ok.

handwriting can say a lot about a person. like the Zara (if i am not mistaken) section, in the Star newspapers that allows readers to write to them and with that, they interpret what they learn about you through your handwriting.

i remembered because Sui Ying, Thanussha and I wanted to write to Zara but end up not doing it.

anyway, it would be fun to know how to read a person throught their handwriting. and i do wonder what my handwriting says about myself. but well, since i do not have the knowledge of reading handwriting, the right way, i am good at analysing and commenting on handwritings, my way.

my handwriting has received many many uncountable compliment. i want to deny them but the generousity of compliments presented to me just would not allow me to deny the fact that my handwriting is actually what they say it is.

my handwriting has changed a lot throught the course of time. though usually handwritings do not differ that much from time to time but somehow, mine took a toll for change when i entered secondary school. i don't know how and i don't exactly know why but it just did. but for the last 6 years, my handwritng remained pretty much the same, except it has revolved a little bit for the better. (why would i wanna change my handwriting if they make people cannot help but to compliment, right?)

what do you call this, an ability or talent or what? but anyway, with an ability to produce such handwriting, i am usually responsible for everything that involves writing/drawing of block letters, like on banners or writing reports or just whatever that needs handwriting as neat and as 'ejane' as can be back in school. haha. (i do not know what adjective to use to describe my handwriting, so i figured 'ejane' would best describe it. i know what you are thinking right now, but hey, i am also humble enough to use the word, 'usually'.)

the one compliment that i am truly honoured to ever receive is from Mr. Chan, a one true master of perfect handwriting. well, he said that if there is one person in the whole school who can write better or as good as him, it would be ejane. no compliment has yet top that. my math teacher once asked me to change my handwriting, and not write it so ejane-ly as it will slow me down. yes, i do write a little slower than a person would but it does not slow me down very much that i have to give up my handwriting. many also think that i measure and take my time to write every letter but actually it is just a natural flow of my hand.

anyway, my handwriting does not really resemble my personality. how can one who is seldom serious have such serious handwriting. and being that my handwriting has a high level of expectations, it has made me a perfectionist in everything that i need to do, involving my handwriting or something that challenges my creativity.

therefore, i learnt to appreciate other types or handwriting that is not on par as mine. (hahahhhaha.)

these are analysis of my friends' handwritings;

beh shuh pyng - let me tell you that she has hell of a handwriting. hell, i mean by not hell - nice but hell as in it brings hell to everyone that has to deal with it. teachers can barely read them. many of my friends don't comment on her handwriting when they need to copy her homework but in my case, i give her no mercy (though i am the one copying her homework). its like being in a situation where you are so desperate that you need to copy homeworks and there you are stuck, trying to read her handwriting, word for word. not making it any easier. and in other situation, when i have time to slowly read her handwriting, i will go, 'beh, whats this?' another 5seconds past, 'beh, this one?' another 1 minute past, 'beh aaa, chi leh si ha mi lai?'.

the problem with her handwriting is, its so thin. sooo thin. it barely has any width to it. therefore, everything appears like a staright line. everything. sometimes, her 'i' can be fatter than her 'e', and that is how awful her handwriting is. she makes her letter all stand on the line on tip toe, and that makes it even harder to read. she tries too hard to change her handwriting, resulting in such severe distortion.

jennifer - her handwriting certainly do not look like her appearance. she is all neat, all combed, all ironed and all tugged in. but her handwriting is like tau geh that is growing with no sense of direction. hahaha. though, i do not face as much difficulty to read it compared to beh's one but sometimes when laziness kicks in, then it would be a headache. i don't know why, but i think this happens because her fingers are too long, therefore, when she writes, she does not need move her palm, instead, her palm stick to where it is at one position, and her fingers are able to move all the way to the end of the book. and poof, growing tau geh.

yan ming and shea yuin - they both posses similar handwriting, that is very layback and easy to read. i would say that it is actually an ideal style of writing, as it does not take much effort and its easy on the eyes.

sui ying - its also an easy-to-read handwriting but it has a certain sharp-ness in her handwriting. that is unusual and that lets you know straight away that its teoh's handwriting. well, this, i think is due to her sharp fingers (???) maybe.

and this makes up the people that were involved in the 'scribbles' project.

i know i should stop myself, because when it comes to handwritings, i have a whole lot to say.

wonderful handwritings are not overrated.

*inspired by sui ying recent post.
**i know beh will like this post.

patheticness written in just 4 dots.

2008-11-17T20:04:00.000-08:00

don't even get me started on the TENNIS Masters Cup in Shanghai that just ended. argh.

anyway, yes, Tan Ezen, i have watched Prison Break. god, people! people of the world that has not yet watch Prison Break season 4 or the 11th episode of season 4, it cannot get any better than this. keeps you on the edge of your seat every moment. keeps you on the brink of a sudden heart attack and always catch you breatheless. ah.
its 1:47am on my watch. later in 3.5 hours, i gotta be up and dressing up myself for work. fun isn't it. waking up when some people are only starting to snuggle into their warm bed. i start work at 5.15am, but i have to be there at least 5 minutes before the scheduled time, making it 5.10am. the journey there takes me about 20-25 minutes without exceeding the speed limit and without speeding through yellow traffic lights. and about 12-16 minutes to get me there at 15 mph faster than the speed limit and dangerous driving. so give or take i gotta at least start my journey 25 minutes before 5:10am, making it, 4:35 and i give myself 15 minutes to wake up, open my eyes, get dress, wash my face and brush my tooth. and that ends up at 4:20am. krazy.
i need to die.

fed kaput

2008-11-14T21:49:00.000-08:00

unfortunately, all of my friends that reads my blog do not watch tennis or even have the slightest clue about tennis except for Leithiga. but anyway, i have to post this anyhow because its huge!

so anyway, now its the Master Cup in Shanghai. where ONLY the top 8 in the ATP rank will compete. they are divided into two groups, the red group and the gold group. thus, there are four players in each group. they will play a round robin and then the top 2 in each group will then qualify for the semi-finals.

so right now, the top 8 are,
1. rafael nadal
2. roger federer
3. novak djokovic
4. andy murray
5. nikolay davydenko
6. andy roddick
7. jo-wilfred tsonga
8. juan martin del potro
XX
9. gilles simon
27. radek stepanek

unfrotunately though, rafa is out on a knee injury he had in Paris. therefore, the 9th ranked player, gilles simon is in.

then later, after losing to andy murray, andy roddick twisted his ankle at the practice court and thus, giving his position to the alternate, radek stepanek, the 27th ranked player.

making it, only 3 out of the 8 players that had had experince in the year end Masters Cup - federer, novak and devydenko. the rest are all first timers.

federer came in as the top seed. but lost his opening match to gilles simon. a very unexpected loss. though, he came in with a back injury that he had that caused him to retire in Paris also. (it was his first retirement in mid-tournament after 753 matches played. rather impressive) but anyhow, he went on to win against radek stepanek and keeping his semi-final hope alive.

in the gold group, novak was the first to qualify into the semis after defeating devydenko and del potro. another semi finalist is devydenko when he managed to win against tsonga and del porto.

federer then went on to lose to andy murray. and gilles simon won against redek stepanek. and know what that calls for?! federer, a four time champion in this tournament, did not manage to qualify to the semi-finals. gilles simon qualified together with andy murray.

so in the semi-finals coming up this weekend, murray will be meeting against devydenko and novak will be up against simon. obivously, right now, murray is the favourite. with novak as the title contender.

will never know. maybe the finals will not be novak and murray.

without a-rod or rafa...i have favourites to pick. but i do hope an underdog prevails. so my side would be on simon.

now...what is interesting to me is, whats up, fed? lost your mojo?

cincai la..

2008-11-14T15:58:00.000-08:00

there are many words/pharses that are often misused. like,

'yea, right'
so? does it mean 'yes, you are right.'? and 'yes, that is correct.'? or 'you are so lying!'? but nowadays, 'yea. right.' is used so often to mean, 'liar. you so cannot do that.' or 'make me believe you.' that is has totally changed the true meaning of 'yea, right.'

so how do you know if its the right 'yea, right' or the wrong 'yea, right'? sure the tone of the voice tells it, but i figured that a excited high-shrieking 'yea, right' does sound like the wrong 'yea, right', no? some people are really monotonous and sarcastic. so, how?

well, how - don't use 'yea, right.'. ever. just say, 'you are such a liar.'. straight up. or 'you can never do that.' and not 'yea, right.' then there will not be any misunderstanding.

example of a conversation :
wwk : hey, you wanna go out?
bsp : yea, right, i will go out with you.
(now, wwk thinks that bsp is so going out with him but bsp is saying hell,no. and that is a heart breaking misundersanding, and we don't want that, do we?)

'fine'
fine is such a soft and positive word made into a big mean nasty word. it exist to mean that all things are fine. all things are good and all pretty. but now, its used as, #@$$%#$FINE&#!$*

so for example, a mother arguing with the daughter, and the daughter (usually in cases) loses and storms out and says, 'fine'. so does that mean, oh, she is really alright with it. or does she mean 'i hate you, mother!'? sure this comes to the tone again. but yet, the word is being used the wrong way. like using the mop to sweep the floor and using the broom to soak in water to mop the floor. apanya?

therefore, why not just add a 'not' into it and say, 'not fine-ah.' thats better.

'not bad'
this is the worst two word being used to compliment, today. first of all, 'not' is already negative and it follows with 'bad' which is more negative. so 'not bad' is actually VERY BAD! moreover, these two words are used to compliment something that is not-bad or not-very-good. something that is a in-betweener and mediocre.

it should deserve some credit for not being bad but instead its slap with a double-trouble compliment. so why say, 'not bad'? when you can always say, 'quite good'. rightttt? makes it a whole lot better.

'you guys'
this two words are like the universal word to address a group of people despite their sexes. it sure is wrong. but then people still use it like all the people in the world are guys.

realise it, and instead, use, 'you all'. that is correct and acceptable.

so lets say, a conversation between a waitor and some customers,
waitor : so what are you guys having today?
guy customer1 : i'll have this.
guy customer2 : this looks good to me.
guy customer3 : i'll get this one.
*** long silence***
(all eyes on girl customer)
waitor : errrrrrr..?
girl customer : oh, oh, you asking for my orders too? i thought you only asked them guys.

and ya, we do not want that awkward situation to ever occur, do we?

...

2008-11-10T19:22:00.000-08:00

you sacrificed so much of your time

you sacrificed so much of your life

to make this work

to fulfill someone else's dreams.

but

you don't ask for no diamond ring.

you sacrificed so much of your time

you sacrificed so much of your life

to make me work

to fulfill my dreams.

but

you ask for no diamond ring.

they sacrificed so much of their time

for us to work

for us to fulfill our dreams.

but

they ask for no diamond rings.

its SPM now and again.

2008-11-10T12:44:00.000-08:00

its the end of year again. again. again.

today is the start of another SPM.

the dreaded final moments.

well, i am certain that Convents will do it, again. again. again.

speaking of SPM, its such a freaky coincident that SPM 2007 started on November 12th. results were annouced on March 12th. and on May 12th, form 6 started and on the same day too, i left Malaysia. and on June 21st was Convent's Hari Anugerah.

can it get anymore coincident than that?

ending SPM, shall i say is the best 'finally-at-last-oh-my-be-darned-god' feeling ever? i think so. it is an explosive but not expressive feeling. it was like,

oh.

done?

ya.

its

the

end.

really?

yes.

really.

yey!

well, that was fun while it lasted. funner now that its over.

i do wonder what the many krazy things that people did after the very end of that ticking minute. as for me, i did not end with all my friends. i ended 4 days later with my wacko jacko Teoh and Yan and Ng and Cheah and Mizen (..to name a few..) those that had to take accounts.

my last day of SPM was nothing short of memorable. because,

first, i managed to put my signature on the 'package' that to be signed as a witness for whatever. i wanted so badly to sign that thing, just out of curiousity. and besides, it'd be one and only time in life that we live to sit for SPM, why not just do what you desire. so i actually raised my hand up while the Ketua Pengawas was re-reading the peraturan-peraturan for the 100th time. i suprised her when i said all i wanted was to just sign that package. =)

second, i forgot my calculator and i had to run all the way to the classroom to get it. and i had absolutely no time to waste for accounts. therefore, i ran so fast i could not break on time and due to the slippery floor (it was slippery because it was covered with pigeon poo) i slipped and fell and cut my knee and got my legs covered with pigeon poo. what am i to do? so anyway, for the whole time, i did my accounts with the smell of poo and with the heartbeating feel of pain on my knee. real kanasai...

third - the paper ended! well, Teoh and I ran down the corridor to the netball field, screaming and skipping with MUCH relieve. (partially also because we know we made Mr. Kana proud. ;) haha) freedom from all heebie-jeebies that we had to face each morning for 3 weeks. at the netball field, (Teoh and i will never be on the netball field at the same time if not for only one occasion) - we laid on the grass, and had our traditional eating of grass. Yan, Ng, Mizen, Poh Juan, Teoh and i then sat on the astaka in disbelief and finally came back to our senses and walked back to the gate to take our final step out the school gate with a mission finally accomplised. oh, and Yan, Teoh and myself commited a tiny vandalism on the school property.

then ya. thats the end.

this night...

2008-11-09T21:32:00.000-08:00

i do not know whats with me tonight. as if body and soul and mind are not working hand in hand.

probably just hungry and tired.

anyway, so i finished work at around 10.35p.m., i dropped my colleague home which is just on my way home. then i realised i need to put some gas. so i turned in to the gas station and then pumped and sharks, i got the nozzle stuck to the gas tank cover...twisted it, bend it then only it got off. so i bend it back, and tested it, and it still opens n closes. that was a relieve.

so yes, after that i turned back to head home. i was suppose to turn right, then make a U-turn. because the gas station was on the opposite side. but instead, i, with no awareness what so ever at all, turned left, therefore i was on the opposite flow of the traffic. and continue to drive for probably 10meters.

luckily there was no on-coming traffic. then as i came to an intersection, i thought to myself, eiks, i very well know that there is a traffic light here, what happen to it? so i told myself, what the hell, just go then, guess i must have mistaken the traffic light to be there but its actually not there afterall.

in the midst of me trying to make the decision to go or not and figuring out where is the traffic light...a car from the opposite direction was flashing lights at me. i thought, what the hell? is that car trying to signal for me to go or what?

still at that split moment, i did not notice that the car in front of me has yellow lights and not red lights.

after the car flashed for many times, only i realised. OH MY GOD, i am on the opposite flow of traffic. so i looked to my right, and luckily the light (where the traffic light actually is) was green, so i quickly ram on the accelarator and went on the right road.

man, that was suicidal. but it did not feel that wrong neither did it feel right, as the roads here are of the opposite directions as of in Malaysia.

inilah padahnya. anyway, i survived.

breaddaa

2008-11-04T20:49:00.000-08:00

i love eating bread and i enjoy eating bread. between year 2003-2006, i got struck with a bread craving, so bad, it was hard to believe. the amount i eat per daily is out of the odinary. i take bread to school almost everyday for 4 years, i eat bread for tea and sometimes i eat bread in between meals and i eat bread for snack. i mean its crazy. while watching tevee, instead of usual popcorn, junk-food chips, i would be eating bread after bread. soon after, my cravings kinda totally stopped. it was as if i have had too much bread to handle and it just broke down and i virtually stopped taking bread in an overdosed amount. but now, the cravings did not come back, but i have been consuming bread a lot. being that food is so hard to get, bread is the most delicious instant food around.

since i am such a big eater of bread, you can imagine all different things that i have my bread with. some are just typical bread spread, sometimes when i get bored of the norm, i try my own recipe. this is the list;

1. butter.
2. butter and sugar.
3. peanut butter and jam.
4. peanut butter and chocolate.
5. peanut butter.
6. roasted peanut butter.
7. kaya. (what is it really called in english? coconut jam?)
8. kaya with butter.
9. chunks of chocolate bars.
10. apples.
11. apples and cheese.
12. peanut butter and cheese.
13. McDonald's sweet and sour sauce.
14. tomato sauce.
15. tuna spread.
16. salmon spread.
17. seafood spread.
18. strawberry jam.
19. blueberry jam.
20. marmalade.
21. green pears.
22. sardine spread.

that is bout all. and all is good! seriously. except for the peanut butter and chesse. its kinda weeeiird. and that is only just regular bread, and not considering those from the bakery. if yes, i do not know how far the list will go on.

so if just anyone out there that has funky own recipe you use to go on bread, share it with me, i will love to try it.

and of course, do try mine too..they are awesome.chunks of chocolate bar with bread is actualy good. and apples too, they make the bread juicy.

very well, have a good one everybody.

twisted time complications.

2008-11-01T23:29:00.000-07:00

so start of the fall season.

i don't know why, but that is how it works.

at 2a.m.,

all clocks in the country (except Hawaii and Arizona) are suppose to turn the clock back,

one whole hour.

thus,

right now, i am at 1.37a.m.,

i will be repeating it again.

isn't that just fun?

according to the internet though,

the purpose of this is just plain having more daylight hours.

this is so twisted.

what if you end work at 2a.m. and after the clock reset for an extra hour, making it 1a.m., you have to go back to work for another hour and end at 2a.m., again?

dang, thats shit.

and if you have a flight at 3a.m., and you wait at the airport at around 1.30 a.m., and when it comes to 2p.m., you turn the time b to 1a.m.,

and dang, you got a one hour delayed flight.

haha.

so fucked.

so after 2a.m., it would be 1a.m. so Malaysia would be 2p.m. but since Malaysia do not go back an hour, making Malaysia 3p.m.

so instead of 13hours difference, it is now 14 hours difference, from here.

from Malaysia, instead of 11hours difference, its now only 10 hours difference.

meaning, if in Malaysia, counting back 10hours would make the time here.

and if from here, counting 14 hours ahead, would make the time in Malaysia.

correct?

correct me if i am wrong.

even if i am correct, i don't even understand fully of why so.

oh, the both has to sum up to 24 hours huh.

i think i might get it.

oh, well.

rubbish.

2008-11-01T02:00:00.000-07:00

this is of the most random thoughts i have that i want to post out.

its fun being reporter huh. i do think so. i watched all this videos on Malaysian politics on youtube and all...dang, the reporters are so persistent and freaking annoying. if i am the politician, ya, damn, the reporters are really annoying. but if i am the reporter, i am having fun! hell yes. stalking is just really one of my passion. if i were a reporter, i would so stalk people. and when it comes to a big swamp of reporters come storming at one person..to ask questions...'ya, YB apa pandangan YB tentang..bla bla bla?' and as for me, 'ya,ya YB, ya..YB...' and when all the recorders and microphones and devices are in front of my face, i'd continue, 'ya, YB, tadi pagi ada makan roti canai? mulut macam ada kuah, di tepi tu.'

that would be so awesome!

how difficult can being a stalking-reporter be? its just running and more running and struggling. having long arms would be an advantage, to push the device all the way near the nose-mouth of the person speaking until the extent that even as they speak and breathe, the brush of their nose hairs are audible. and of course, a high tolerance to withstand real bad body odour. that is about all. i think i might consider this as my part time hobby.

so darn awesome!
money vs. time.
i take time. anytime. everytime.
with money, you are not able to buy time.
with time, you are able to make money.
why have money but have no time?
why have time but don't make money?
ya, its Halloween today. more like hell-o-wee to me. (as in hell-oh-wow, as in hell-all-so-'fun'). so what. just another day ain't monday. no party no costume. just work and a broken heart.

by the way, Halloween is like the Hungry Ghost festival of the chinese cultural beliefs. but just that Halloween is a one day event but Hungry Ghost fest is a whole month. and during the period of Hungry Ghost fest, we are suppose to avoid 'them' in many ways like, never mentioning about death or anything related to the underworld, preferably not going out after sunset, always trying to accommodate 'them' in various ways like feeding 'them' food so that we get to live in peace. but Halloween on the other hand, is be part of 'them', dress like 'them', look like 'them', talk walk smile like 'them', making homes into haunted houses just for the thrill of the underworld.

interesting how its so conflicting.

but Hungry Ghost fest do bring the worst in you, psychologically because you cannot help but fall into the silly illogical beliefs of your gramma's stories.

trick-or-threat on Halloween day. feed-or-cursed on Hungry Ghost fest.

sweets and candies and everything yummy on Halloween day. joysticks and pigs and ang ku on Hungry Ghost fest.

that is all the nonsense i have.

up up and away. no that is impossible. up up and fall all the way down, ya. that is only right.

pissing + shitting lessons.

2008-10-29T21:33:00.000-07:00

prior to leaving Malaysia, i saved/received a lot of money, ang pau to wish me a safe journey here. and i thought to myself then,..man this is a lot of money but dang, i have no time to spend it. its no fun keeping it as i cannot spend it anyhow. so anyway, i wanted to spent it to get some good books. there was this one book that i spotted long ago but was too poor to get it, because it is expensive, for the size and content, it is expensive. but since now that i had excess money i don't know what to spend it on, i decided to get it.

the title of the book is 'the joy of pissing' by Professor Jimmy Riddle. i read the synopsis at the back of the book and it interests me right away. this is what is says...

you are probably wondering how much more you need to know about pissing beyond pointing and flushing. you are probably asking why you should receive any further training for what is after breathing and eating, the next natural reflex. like reading, once you've learnt, what more do you need to know?

Professor Jimmy Riddle pisses at least eleven times a day. he drinks a pint of water every hour to enable himself to do so. the joy of pissing celebrates our experience as a persistently urinating species and aims to alter people's urinating habits from something they simply allow to happen to something they actively participate in.

all aspects of urianting are covered by this book, from advanced skills, i.e. how women pee standing up, to extra curricular skills such as, 'how to piss off a bicycle' and lessons on how to know if you are using the toilet designed for a man or woman (there is a big difference you know!). there are plenty of hilarious anecdotal stories, an entire setion dedicated to 'the healing qualities of piss' and the most comprehensive amagamation of the usage of the word 'piss' in the english language.

wouldn't you be interested to know what this book has to offer? well, as for me, i cannot wait to learn the art of professional pissing. though answering nature's call isn't my favourite pass time. but unfortunately for me, the book covered all aspects of men's pissing ways. and only about 10 pages covered women but not as detailed because Professor Jimmy Riddle's student would not give him the details.

so, let me share a passage with all you female pissers out there. since that women's master of pissing is not prefected by Professor Jimmy himself, therefore, there is no guided manual to how to master the art of what i am about to share. but this is just to let you all know that, it is possible to perform this amazing feat.

this passage concerns about how ladies pee and pooh without getting heard. accoridng to the book, many women muffle splash sounds by employing the papaer aided method; stuffing the bowl with loo roll before tinkling. but this is not considered as a skill and this wastes precious pooh paper. therefore, the book do not recommend this practice.

the REAL skill is in the sitting position.

sit close to to the front of the bowl, so the pee does not go anywhere near the puddle of water.

(if you are not comfortable doing so...)

propel and aim you piss with the use of certain muscle gruop somewhere on the ground floor of the department store. (details was not given as the source for this information would not elaborate..)

if you are a natural in the art of pissing, you can also consider this skill of shitting that was mastered by the professor's student..

she would flush the cistern before the stool could hit the water's surface to avoid th dreaded undignified sound. she also had a swift hand and would have wiped the bum and miraculously disposed of the paper before the flush had finished.

the professor calls this a 'one-shit wonders'. but you are warned, if you want to try this feat, you will first have to know how much was to be crapped, then calculate the speed of the crap by taking in consideration of the height about the water and the gravitational pull, then you would need to accurately assume how fast the flush would fall and how long it would last, in order to wipe your bum well and dispose during the final stages of the flush.

i personally warn you dare-devils to do the math with your calculator. especially if you know that a bad diarrhoea is on its way. if not, i would not want to even imagine the mess when the diarhoea meet the flushing water and a tornado forms...fuh.

thats all the lesson for this session. =)

2008-10-29T20:24:00.000-07:00

You Are A Good Friend

You're always willing to listen to your friends.

And you're the first to lend a shoulder to cry on.

You're there through thick and thin. You won't stop being friends with someone when times are tough.

In fact, you're such a good friend that many people consider you their "best friend"!

What Kind of Friend Are You?

coldness is killing me.

2008-10-28T20:13:00.000-07:00

its been really cold lately.

oh, how i hate it.

1. i can't feel my toes and fingers.
2. cannot find a nice warm spot on the bed.
3. dishes get stacked up, cause i do not want to touch water.
4. and because of this, i try not to use the toilets too often, cause i do not want to wash me hands.
5. besides saving water, i do waste too. everytime i shower, i stand under the hot running water and just hoping that i do not need to get out.
6. nipples stand fucking erect when it gets colder than cold.
7. lips cracks. freaken pain. feels enlarged. (not good when it comes to the enormity of eejane's lips.)
8. uncarpeted area of the house like the bathroom and kitchen floors are like ice.
9. toilet bowl seat is cold. the first touch is like frost bite.
10. the keypads on the lapton gets cold too, after being left for awhile.
11. i do not like wearing long pants, feels that my legs cannot breathe but its cold.
12. the reluctantness to get out of bed in the morning. cause now the bed is already all warm.
13. i dislike drinking warm milk.
14. its not cold enough to turn on the heater but its too cold to bear.
15. the metal plate on my watch is cold.
16. i might have burn all my facial hair with the hot water i use to wash my face.
17. hate goosebumps. they are ugly. unless swanbumps, then maybe.
18. cereal is no good with warm milk. blergh.
19. i curl up so much during sleep, i might suffer back aches after this season.
20. at times, i thought i lost the tip of my nose.

no fun. i need sun.

Spongqua!

2008-10-25T14:11:00.000-07:00

*spongebob's name during cave man time.

i am, i mean i really am, a very big fan of Spngebobsquarepants. and i believe that many here knows who he is and WHAT he is. yes, right, he is a sea sponge. NOT CHEESE. but to those minute number of people that do not know what Spongebobsquarepants is all about, do not be living in this era. my akong knows about Spongebob. but living by the Spongeob way, everyone is given a chance and everyone is forgiven. let me introduce you to the crew of these sea creatures...

first up is the widely popular,
Spongebob - he is a sea sponge that lives with his pet snail, Gary in a fully furnished, two-bedroom...pineapple. Spongebob's life long dream is to be Bikini Bottom's ultimate fry cook and thanks to his job flipping Krabby Patties at the Krusty Krab, he is living that dream everyday. Spongebob is as optimistic and earnest as sea-dwelling sponge gets but he can't seem to avoid getting himself - and usually everyone else - into trouble. while trying to hard, he tends to do things wrong, really wrong, which usually spells d.i.s.a.s.t.e.r. but Spongebob's always looking at the bright side of life. his enthusiasm on just about everything makes him downright adorable.

Patrick - Patrick is Spongebob's neighbour and best friend. his life's ambition can be summed up in just four words : uh...i...uh...forget. as Spongebob's best pal, he is always offering his advice and encouragement. unfortunately, Patrick is not the brightest of star fish in Bikini Bottom. therefore, he usually ends up heaping up Spongebob's trouble. even the simplest plan ends up in a disaster. but for what its worth, Patrick will always be Sponbebob's loyal pal.

Sandy - Sandy is a sea dome dwelling who lives for adventure and action. havign attempted just about every death-defying feat on land and in the ocean, she has accepted the ultimate challenge : living underneath it in an oxygen-filled dome. Sandy is the only living rodent in Bikini Bottom and Spongebob's karate-sparring partner. for Sandy, Spongebob is sea bottom's best stunt buddy. Sandy is also considered the smartest amongst all the creatures in Bikini Bottom.

Squidward - Squidward is a mean, whinny, stick-in-the-mud squid who thinks he is better and deserves everything better than everyone else. ju st about everything annoys him. The Krusty Krab annoys him. the customers annoy him. Mr. Krabs annoys him. and most of all, Spongebob annoys him, almost 24 hours a day including Sundays. besides working side by side with Spongebob in The Krusty Krab, he is Spongebob's next door neighbour. if it wasn't for the fact that Spongebob is the only one that do no mind listening to his clarinet playing, he would have nothing to do with Spongebob. on the other hand, Spongebob thinks that both of them are the lunch shift dream team.

Mr. Krabs - Mr. Krabs is Spongebob's boss and the owner of The Krusty Krab. making money is what its all about for Mr. Krabs. he is usually found counting his money in his office. although Spongebob does get to his nerves sometimes but he likes it that Spongebob is such a loyal employee that is willing to work for long hours for little pay. he also somtimes acts like Spongebob's mentor. Mr. Krabs hates his fast food rival, Plankton, the owner of Chum Bucket but surely not as much as Plankton hates him. the only thing that has more control over Mr. Krabs than money is his whale daughter, Pearl.

Plankton - Plankton is Mr. Krabs's arch rival, a little guy with big attitude. the ownder of Chum Bucket is always pulling up dastard schemes to steal The Krusty Krabs's customers and the secret formula to the delicious Krabby Patties. if she succeeded, they would be his first customers he'd ever had.

Gary - Spongebob's loyal pet may not be able to move so fast. he may leave a trail of slime everywhere he goes. he may not be very good at cathing frisbees or fetching slippers. but Gary is the best darn pet a sea sponge with square pants can ask for. and that is all that matters. meow.

so there you go..these are all the main characters in Spongebobsquarepants. and if you imagine all of them together in your tevee screen, how much fun it brings to life. together with some other creatures like Larry (the lobster), old man Jenkins (Bikini Bottom's oldest living creature), Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy (local superheros), Mrs. Puff (Spongebob's boat school teacher), David Jones (town ghost),...

all the goodness of life are all down in Bikini Bottom. we should go there someday.

join me.